By Drew

 

I waited a week to write this because it only takes a week or so for most fat people to lose their motivation to work out in the new year. I’ve been posting about it on social media as well as all of my gym rat friends. We knew that winter was coming and the gyms would be packed with sweaty, messy, oversized people on their “New Year, new me” BS. Which would eventually end with….

“2 minutes on the treadmill then 7 fake MacFit selfies showing my 2 minutes on the treadmill. I deserve this. #NoYouDont”

I waited a week and y’all are STILL in the gym being weird, not knowing what the entire fuck you’re doing and generally, making my life a little more miserable seeing as I, and others like me (gym rats), have to manoeuvre around you, let alone speak to you, just to get on the machines.

“Pardon me, sorry to interrupt…..would you mind fucking off so I can get this work out in please?”

So to all you fat, sweaty, don’t know what you’re doing, google eyed, smoothie breath, church socks in tennis, big T-shirt, wrong outfit in the gym ass people trying to lose years of mistakes off your bodies…..keep going. This is not the time to stop.

Understand that gym rats don’t hate new gymmers like you. We hate the ones that don’t mean it. We hate the ones taking up space. The ones that just like having the Macfit or Jemi key chain thingy on their key ring so they can gas people into believing they actually work out.

6 minutes in the gym……#NewBodyWhoThis? #AlmostThere #WorkHardGymHard #GlowUpSoonReach #TingsAlreadyBetter #BeastMode

This is the point where the weaker amongst you will give up.

The pain is starting to settle in now, isn’t it?

Oh the pain of working out after years of a sedentary lifestyle, coupled with Oh Andros and Netflix, doesn’t come the day after the work out. It comes the third day. You’ll legit be like this the day after your workout…

“I’m in a little pain but I feel great…I don’t foresee it getting worse than this ever in life! #FitLife #BeastMode #IssaLifestyle #Foreshadowing

 

“My body is a cage of pain and regret. This is it. This is how I die. #ThisDontMakeSense #NotWorthIt #AllMyLifeiHadToFight”

I know it hurts….I know you want to die. I know spinach wraps don’t taste like a combination snack with heavy ketchup and mayo. I know you’re tired of peeing every 2 minutes because of your lemon, ginger, dirt water you’ve been lugging around the office and drinking pretending it’s a cold Kalik.

“mmmmmmmmm…..tastes like a Hubert Minnis press conference….without the salt and incompetence”

Keep something in mind: Every single person you see in the gym who is fit and in amazing shape is insecure as fuck. Every single one of them used to be either very skinny, very fat, or just plain old out of shape. Anyone who judges you is an asshole because they themselves are fighting demons….trust me on this.

“I am a fat disgusting whore unworthy of love and sex”

I hear all the time that people are terrified to go in the gym because of fear of judgement….I get it. You think EVERYONE is looking at you….you feel like every eye watched you walk in.

 

You’re right….we are looking at you.

 

I’m sorry but if you’re a member of a gym and a new person comes in, fat or skinny, you’re gonna size em up. It’s human nature, people. If all of 10th Year Seniors is at Johns house with a crew of the usual suspects,  and someone we don’t know walks in do you think we’re gonna just carry on the conversation like you didn’t just walk into our safe space? You think Johns dog, Link (who is racist by the way) WON’T bite you?

He is the Ripper… Tearer… Slasher… Gouger. He is the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. He is Strength… and Lust… and Power! He is Link, the  harbinger of death!!

The one thing I can say is there is no judgement at all from any of us.

 

Lol…Just kidding. Plenty people judging you.

 

You were really slim in high school and now you’re big and they were really fat in high school and now they’re small so ya….your sins are catching up with some of you. If they’re a decent person then they’ll hail, be passive aggressively douchey and keep it moving.

“I’ve lowkey been in therapy for years because of your bullying and I used the gym as an escape to reconcile my violent insecurities so I’m gonna stand here so you can behold what you have created. Also I’m vegan now.”

If they’re an amazing person then you’ll get this…

“Girl you know I was fat as shit in school too so I know how it is….if you need any help and I’m here just ask”

And if they’re a shitty person and make you feel bad then….

The low road. Take the low road and punch them in the face because you’re amazing and don’t need that energy.

Find your reason to keep going.

You made this decision now you gotta find something to motivate you. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna fill your head with bullshit about health. Yes your health is important and yes if you don’t try and get this right you will see an early grave and, lets be honest, no one wants to die early from too much macaroni.

 

The death we want but not the one we deserve #DontDieDeliciously

But as important as health is sometimes you just gotta workout angry. You gotta keep going because your parents call you fat….a lot….this isn’t a joke….that happens.

 

You gotta keep going because you’re tired of not fitting in clothes you want to….theres is absolutely NOTHING wrong with working out for vanity’s sake.

“High Blood pressure aside I cant wait to stunt on ALL YOU HOES when this body reach. On God!! #GottaShowUpToGlowUp “

Sometimes health isn’t enough of a motivation. Sometimes you gotta do that bootcamp because your spouse wont stop looking at fit people online or because they compare you to damn near impossible beauty standards. Sometimes you gotta sweat like its raining outside because Bahamians don’t know how to fucking talk to people.

“Thanks for telling me how much weight I’ve put on after I asked how your day was going….”

Workout because that guy or girl you were married to or dated made you feel like a piece of shit and put you down because they knew how insecure you were.

 

Workout because you’re depressed and the endorphins help to curve that feeling.

 

Do it because you want to be strong.

 

Keep going because you want to see just what your body can do if you actually tried.

I don’t give a shiny red shit what your reason is but you promised yourself that this was your path so if you need someone to say it, if you need to see it somewhere written down then here it is….here is your sign….

 

KEEP FUCKING GOING!

 

And please stop going on the scale every 10 minutes and looking at yourself in the mirror mad as shit cause you don’t look like Teyana Taylor yet. It took you 30 plus years to put on the weight and you expected to lose it all in 30 days?

“55 crunches, 120 minutes on the elliptical and 10 days of eating clean and not one fucking ab. Fuck this I’m done.”

Beloved, it’s gonna take time.

 

Its gonna take time, sweat, tears, and a huge change in your lifestyle. You may even have to lose friends and family over this shit and that’s perfectly ok. It’s ok to cut people loose who don’t wanna be a part of this journey. Especially if your friends and family are ALSO fat.

 

Lets not get cute like skinny/fit people are the only bullies. Other fat friends and family are the WORST when you’re trying to better yourself.

“You and this “gym” and “health” and “wanting to live”…..bitch you boring!” #WhenThisGlowUpReachKeepThatSameEnergy”

Understand that they aren’t bitter or salty cause they’re fat. Please stop blaming peoples violently shitty attitudes on their weight. I know terrible skinny people the same way there are terrible fat people. If you’re a terrible person you’re just a terrible person…..you just happen to also be fat.

 

Cut em off and don’t look back.

 

This is about you and so help me if you gotta use them as motivation then, beloved….godspeed.

 

And please know that you have an ally in Me. I workout at Better Bodies 4-5 days a week. If you need ANY help or assistance please approach me. I will probably be sweating, smell like day old scotch and look grumpy but I promise to help where I can.

 

Same goes for ANY member of 10th Year Seniors. If you see any of us in the gym (Yes, even Nal. He is exactly as miserable and grumpy as you assume that he is but deep down he’s worse than you can ever imagine…..but he’ll help too) feel free to approach us and get some help.

 

I know how it is. Sometimes it means a lot to see a familiar face just to say hello to.

“That’s the face of someone that wants to help I promise”

Sidenote: No, we will not train you. I said help, not train…..calm down. We tryna get in shape too, nigga. The fuck?

 

In the end, and I know I’ve said it a lot in this article……. keep going.

 

That’s it……you don’t get a poetic ending. You don’t get an easy conclusion to this article to make you feel like your life isn’t going to be hell for the next couple of months.

Stop reading this, go drink some water, focus on your diet and get your ass in the gym.

And by the way…..I’m fucking proud of you and remember….

 

 

Below are some recommendations based on your location.

 

If you’re in Freeport and looking for a safe space and a trainer that actually gives a shit, hit up Clarisse Pelanne. Cool chick, knows what she’s doing and motivational. Trust me, if anyone is an ally to the weight struggle its her.

If you’re in Abaco hit up Janice (Yanice) Stephanie at Empower Fitness Club. Very sweet girl who knows how to get the weight off and actually really cares about her clients. Arguably the best Abaco has to offer.

If you’re in Nassau and want a gym with real experts hit up Macfit (if you really need someone to kill you ask for Jimmy or Kayle…they’re the best at what they do). Better Bodies and J Line fitness are also solid options with vetted experts who know their shit. If you’re looking for a smaller gym with less eyes on you but focused training, go to the place of our birth, Fanta-C Fitness. (Literally where all of us started. Its the Wongs Gym of our generation). If you’re in the west then theres Jemi, Club One or Balmoral where, new father and Cowboys dickrider, Emilio Bullard trains. He’s an excellent trainer. You may die but at least you’ll die in shape.

If you live in Mayaguana then…..I don’t know. Swim?

Please don’t ask me for these peoples numbers….all of them are on facebook/instagram. Hit them up, private message them or use your googles….The internet is more than porn, facebook and youtube, people.

 

Be safe tho

 

 

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