by RENALDO and SANNIE

Week 5 Awards

The “This Aint What You Want” Award presented by Blue Mountain State quarterback Alex Moran – Derek Anderson. You would think every backup quarterback wants his shot in the starting lineup. Anderson’s performance Monday night determined that was a lie.

 

The “There’s A Creepy Old Man Awkwardly Pacing Behind Me And I Think He Wants My Job” Award presented by Donald Trump’s positioning behind Hilary Clinton for much of the second Presidential debate – Dak Prescott. Prescott has been historically good as a rookie quarterback yet Jerry Jones insists that hobbled, mistake prone Tony Romo

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Somebody’s about to get grabbed. I’m not saying where.

 

The “Don’t Blame Hurricane Matthew For This, The Structure Was A Disaster Way Before Last Week” Award presented by Cable Bahamas’ Customer Service – Miami Dolphins. It’s done right? The Titans game sealed it. This team should easily be 0-5.

MIAMI - OCTOBER 24: A Miami Dolphins Fan wears a bag with a frown drawn on it during the game against the St. Louis Rams on October 24, 2004 at Pro Player Stadium in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images)

My life ….(Photo by Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images)

Week 6

Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers

RENALDO: Thursday night football is an awful product. Everyone knows it’s an awful product, and you never forget to set your fantasy lineup in time. The NFL decided to double down with this assault on the eyes, “Colour Rush” (By the way Colour Rush is also probably what old timey sportswriters called it when the NFL first integrated decades ago). The home team always wins this thing.

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The original “Color Rush”

CHARGERS over Broncos

 

SANNIE:The Chargers have proved to be a very good at being a terrible team.

BRONCOS over Chargers

 

 

Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Racial Slurs

RENALDO: Even in a loss, Carson Wentz looks like he knows exactly what he’s doing. I’m sold on him in less than five games and I’m forced to talk myself into Ryan Tannehill after five years. Wentz had a rookie moment against the Lions last week but the Eagles still would have won if Ryan Matthews didn’t do exactly what Ryan Matthews always does. On the opposite side, thanks for the hurricane relief supplies Racial Slurs. I’m a fan of the gesture, the mascot…not so much.

EAGLES over Racial Slurs

 

SANNIE: Now I said I would never choose the Racial Slurs, but for this week, because they donated to  Matthew Hurricane relief here in the Bahamas, they get my vote.

RACIAL Slurs over Eagles

 

 

Jacksonville Jaguars at Chicago Bears

RENALDO: How does Gus Bradley still have this job? I feel like he’s been the head coach ever since Tom Coughlin left. When expectations increase, people select your team as the chic “it” team on the rise, and you start the season 1-3, someone has to take the blame.

JAGS over Bears

 

SANNIE: Jacksonville, only because Chicago is really dangerous right now and kind of scary.

JAGS over Bears

 

 

Cincinnati Bengals at New England Patriots

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I need to be on this bus…like yesterday

SANNIE: This is really getting old. Unless it’s Cam Newton or my back up baby daddy Russell Wilson, I will always pick Brady.

PATS over Bengals

 

 

RENALDO: At the risk of sounding like Sannie, there’s not much you need to say other than Tom Brady’s back. He returned at the perfect time with two layups from the state of Ohio. We expected the Browns to be awful, but the Bengals are reeling as well. Their offensive line allowed four sacks and five hits against the Cowboys. Maybe they should’ve kept Alex Cooper.

PATS over Bengals

 

 

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints

RENALDO: I hope Cam Newton rides his scooter to the game. Now matter how disappointed the Panther fanbase is in Cam (and they should be because the Panthers may already be out of it), but watching Derek Anderson play should have been the most sobering dose of reality that it absolutely can get worse.

PANTHERS over Saints

 

SANNIE: Apparently my Cam is hurt, that’s ok. I’m going to chose him anyway.

PANTHERS over Saints

 

 

Baltimore Ravens at New York Giants

RENALDO: I trust any team that fires their offensive coordinator for exactly one week. Usually that head coach pulls out all the stops to prove whatever ineptitude went down absolutely wasn’t his fault. This could be John Harbaugh’s best game. The last time Harbaugh made the switch, the Ravens went to win the Super Bowl.

RAVENS over Giants

 

SANNIE: I used to like Odell but he just seems to be ‘dating’ everyone now. He is to”friendly” for me, if you know what I mean.

RAVENS over Giants

 

 

Pittsburgh Steelers at Miami Dolphins

SANNIE: It is getting embarrassing now, the Dolphins need a win but I don think this is it.

STEELERS over Dolphins

 

 

RENALDO: The Dolphins secondary may retire one at a time at the end of each quarter in this game. This team is awful defensively and their response was to claim Bene Benwikere. If you don’t know who that is, he’s the torched carcass Julio Jones left in his wake after torching the Panthers secondary for 300 yards two weeks ago. That guy…is the upgrade. As if the secondary wasn’t bad enough, the overpaid defensive line, which accounts for over half of the defence’s salary cap, may be even worse. This god awful team is near the bottom of the league in total yards allowed and rushing yards per attempt. The Steelers are probably going for 50.

STEELERS over Dolphins

 

 

Cleveland Browns at Tennessee Titans

He used to be so happy in the before time...the long long ago

He used to be so happy in the before time…the long long ago

SANNIE: So the Browns haven’t won one game? Well that made this choice super easy….

TITANS over Browns

 

 

RENALDO: Black head coach gets a job we all celebrate the “Rooney Rule.” The thing is, they give him the Browns job, he goes 0-5 (soon to be 0-6) and the next thing you know he becomes Lovie Smith.

TITANS over Browns

 

San Francisco 49ers at Buffalo Bills

SANNIE: I thought the 49ers were a good team? They seem to be awful this year, or is it every year and I just don’t know? Either way, they aren’t getting my vote this week.

BILLS over Niners

 

 

RENALDO: Black quarterbacks matter. Not you Tyrod Taylor…or you EJ Manuel…or you Cardele Jones. The Bills’ progressive depth chart completely ruined my take on this game. I never know what I’m talking about anyway so if there was anyplace I can justify making a sentimental pick, it’s this game when Kap finally gets the start.

NINERS over Bills

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For the culture…

 

Los Angeles Rams at Detroit Lions

SANNIE: So Bad Girls Club LA just started and so far I HATE IT. There’s no way I could choose the Rams right now.

LIONS over Rams

 

RENALDO: If Jeff Fisher sees an opportunity to lose his way to .500 he takes that opportunity. He’ll probably get an extension for it. I’m watching this game for nothing more than to see if Jim Caldwell has actual emotion or was last week’s outburst (by his standards) was an aberration.

LIONS over Rams

 

Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders

RENALDO: How many times do you have to watch the Raiders make a play late in the game with the odds stacked against them for you to become a believer. The answer’s probably three, so I’m sold.

RAIDERS over Chiefs

 

SANNIE: Nope. Not choosing the Raiders. I don’t care if they have won a few games. Not giving Eddie the satisfaction.

CHIEFS over Raiders

 

Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers

With every Dak completion...

With every Dak completion…

SANNIE: Both pretty good teams (if you go by my definition of good). So I’m just going to guess here.

COWBOYS over Packers

 

RENALDO: I’m torn. On one hand I need to see if the Packers defence is legitimately this good at stopping the run and on the other hand I need Dak Prescott to keep winning to make Jerry Jones look even more stupid when that Romo decision comes in a few days. The Cowboys have to lose that locker room if that team is 6-2 and they bring Romo back to throw what I’m certain will be his 456th fourth quarter interception.

PACKERS over Cowboys

 

Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks

SANNIE: Russell Wilson.

SEAHAWKS over Falcons

 

RENALDO: How dare you do this to me every year Atlanta Falcons? A 5-0 start last year before a collapse followed by a 4-1 start this year with wins on the road over the Raiders and Broncos. I don’t know what to do, and I’m afraid you’ll hurt me again.

SEAHAWKS over Falcons

 

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

It's a Watt...good enough

It’s a Watt…good enough

SANNIE: Beyonce.

TEXANS over Colts

 

RENALDO: What’s stopping the Texans from swapping out an injured JJ Watt for his younger brother TJ Watt. Laws , regulations a moral compass…but that’s never stopped the NFL before.

COLTS over Texans

 

New York Jets at Arizona Cardinals

RENALDO: The Cardinals have already equaled their loss total from all of last season but I can’t pretend I care about this game for any reason other than seeing how many interceptions Ryan Fitzpatrick throws. The over/under is 12.

CARDS over Jets

 

SANNIE: Seeing that my husband bough an insane amount of Cardinal cream in preparation for the hurricane (don’t ask me why). I am going to go with the Cardinals just because.

CARDS over Jets

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