by DREW

There are several schools of thought concerning women around the world. Some argue that American women are easier to approach. They say Canadian women are way more independent. The list goes on. I’ve dated outside of my little island and I’ve concluded that women are women wherever you go. They want the same things, love the same things and more or less expect the same things.

Now within the vein of being a woman we have to consider environment, culture, economic status, race, etc. These nuances can be small as well as they can play a huge role in how you date and how you love. To be clear: by “Bahmian Woman” I mean white, black, Asian, Indian, Jungless….the whole gambit.

This is a white jungles. Don’t believe me? Throw on some Buju and step back

This is a white jungles. Don’t believe me? Throw on some Buju and step back

If you were born here and raised here then you’re who I’m talking to. I’m no expert and I’ll never claim to fully understand the Bahamian female but in my experience this is how to love a Bahamian woman.

The Front End

There’s not a female reading this that hasn’t had her heart broken. It comes with the territory living on this island. It almost feels like there’s a relationship cold war going on with no end in sight. If we can acknowledge this fact then we, as men, have to understand why Bahamian females, on the front end, are very difficult. If you were constantly used, lied to, or just plain went on bad dates with losers you too would be a bit jaded. My hats off to women on this island because some of the lines I hear from some of these guys are breathtakingly egregious.

“Daughter daughter, look here lemme smell them draws! Vait vait, where you goin?!”

“Daughter daughter, look here lemme smell them draws! Vait vait, where you goin?!”

Can you really blame them when you consider the stock they have to deal with? Now I’m not excusing those females who are just plain rude. You know the type: Think they’re the finest things walking and turn up their nose to any man that even attempts a conversation.

“I’m barely attractive, socially annoying and I’ve confused my crippling loneliness with independence. I know my worth though!”

“I’m barely attractive, socially annoying and I’ve confused my crippling loneliness with independence. I know my worth though!”

No, they’re annoying and should be extradited to who gives a shit. I’m talking about the females that are hesitant to embrace what you are trying to bring to the table. Understand that they have been conditioned to think that all men are scum because most of the men they date ARE scum. Sure an argument can be made that she’s to blame for constantly dating said men but if you think she’s worth your time on the back end then you have to embrace who she is on the front end. Trust me, it’s a hard journey but there’s gold in them hills.

Accept her circumstances

I can’t say enough that I’m writing this for a woman you deem worth your time and worth your love. If you find her so then you have to accept all of her. Its 2015, my dudes. No woman is without some baggage. Ex-husband, husband, kid(s), crazy ex-boyfriend that she doesn’t think is that crazy but after a year of hearing stories you’re convinced he’s a lunatic.

“His name is Yellow, Jennifer! No one named after a color on this island has never not murdered someone and that’s fact!”

“His name is Yellow, Jennifer! No one named after a color on this island has never not murdered someone and that’s fact!”

You cant love her in the good times and then go into a hole the minute trouble comes. Trust me, I’m a magician when it comes to disappearing when things get tough. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that hard times don’t last long if you have the support or can give the support your woman needs.

Loving someone is not the words we say or even the things we do. Sometimes loving someone is being their lighthouse in the storm. Its staying in the fight when the odds are against you. Her circumstances will not be perfect but neither are yours. If she can accept your baby’s mother, joblessness, crazy ex-girlfriend, overbearing mother etc. then the least you can do is accept hers as well. Do it without judgement.

We all have a past that we’re not proud of and we make mistakes. If every woman were to judge me on my past I don’t think I would ever find love again. I’m a broken thing. But the beauty of broken things is they can be fixed and put back together. If your woman is going through hard times and she starts falling apart then it’s up to you to be the mason.

Communicate

There is nothing I have heard more in my life than “You need to communicate better”. I’m really bad at it. I think all men are, but its key. If you’re gonna be with her you have to talk to her. Yes fellas, I know: They talk a lot and the conversation always steers off into some weird direction totally missing the “Actual information I need” exit. You could ask your girl what she had for lunch and …

“Well I was really cramping today and I just felt icky and I kinda wanted Wendys but then ew so I thought maybe McDonalds but I’ve been really feeling fat lately so then I asked Doris the one from the party that time who I told you her mum smelled weird but she makes an AMAZING pasta salad and I want her to teach me cause don’t forget we have that thing on Saturday…...”

“Well I was really cramping today and I just felt icky and I kinda wanted Wendys but then ew so I thought maybe McDonalds but I’ve been really feeling fat lately so then I asked Doris the one from the party that time who I told you her mum smelled weird but she makes an AMAZING pasta salad and I want her to teach me cause don’t forget we have that thing on Saturday……”

What makes it worse is women expect you to follow that thread of consciousness to the letter. An almost impossible feat. However there are times when your girl will actually need you to listen and be there. These are the times when we as men need to learn to shut up and actually pay attention. She could be having a really hard time at her job and needs to express that.

Understand, she doesn’t really want your advice. Sometimes she just needs to air that shit out. Men have a tendency to want to fix things. Its partly because we love you and partly because we want you to shut the hell up to be honest. But women, a lot of the time, don’t want you to fix it they just want to be heard. The whole world has put rules and regulations on their dress code, hair, shoes, how they walk, how they should speak. All she wants to do is come home, strip at the door, pour a glass of wine and fall apart. Let her. If you do you have no idea what she will do for you.

Sex. She will do all of the sex for you

Sex. She will do all of the sex for you

Understand Her

This is a big one because this is hard on a human level let alone within the bounds of a relationship. I was in a situation with a female where I got angry because she didn’t express herself the way I did. I had to sit down and realize that I talk a lot. I’m the dude sending 2 minute voice notes trying to explain to you why I’m pissed.

“…and that’s the next thing, you could have been here but you’re there and I need you to acknowledge my every selfish desire right this second!” – Me

“…and that’s the next thing, you could have been here but you’re there and I need you to acknowledge my every selfish desire right this second!” – Me

She, on the other hand is quiet with her emotions. She holds them close and you have to give her time to let her sift through the mess and when she’s ready she comes around. It was a teachable moment for us both.

I had to come to grips with the fact that none of us are the same, we all hurt differently. We all feel differently. You can’t say you accept her and don’t understand her. Take the time out to understand who she is and treat her accordingly.

Or have none of it. The pendulum swings both ways.

If you understand her and can’t deal with who she is then be out. It’s just that simple. But if you choose to stay then you have to learn her the same way you would learn about anything you’re passionate about. Once you understand her manual life becomes so much easier.

Be Loyal

This one is tricky because being loyal is extremely hard for men, myself included. I’ve cheated, lied, lead women on, the whole gambit. I can tell you now that with all those things comes misery and misery is the fastest way to lose your company.

“I know I said this 28 girls ago but I promise THIS is the last time.”

“I know I said this 28 girls ago but I promise THIS is the last time.”

If your girl is genuinely the woman you want to be with then loyalty actually is a more tangible notion. I know there are a bunch of guys rolling their eyes at this section because we’ve been conditioned to think that all men cheat but stop and think for a sec: If your girl is playing her part, authentically filthy in the sack, loyal, holds you down and you are physically enamored with her then why would you cheat? And if your girl isn’t all of those things then why are you with her?

This picture of me isn’t a mistake. Just giving you niggas a moment of silence to let that real talk marinate while I sip this scotch

This picture of me isn’t a mistake. Just giving you niggas a moment of silence to let that real talk marinate while I sip this scotch

I’ve seen what loyalty can do and I’ve seen what can happen if you give a Bahamian woman 100% of you. It feels good to not have to constantly hide your phone, lie about where you are, having to avoid specific social situations just so the side piece doesn’t catch you slippin….

...the guaranteed sex is also pretty awesome. Notice how all these points leads to more sex?

…the guaranteed sex is also pretty awesome. Notice how all these points leads to more sex?

If she’s the woman you love or “the one” then you’ll know because being loyal will be reflex.

man-woman-controls

We always see the above picture plastered all over Facebook and we laugh at it and mock women for it. Don’t get me wrong, its 100% accurate, but we men tend to forget we’re just as complicated.…..we’re just not as vocal about it.

We want women to be nasty in bed, classy in the streets, professional, like sports but not too much, be good but know when to be bad, be home but not near us, be available but not clingy, be affectionate but not all over us…..I can go on. I’m no relationship expert, but I do think that if you can do these 5 things then you’ll find life and love with your Nassau girl that much easier. And if you can’t, with the woman you’re with, then that’s fine too. You just have some decisions to make.

But when she comes, if she comes, then you’ll know her….and these steps will seem so much easier than they seemed with someone else.

Comments