The Bahamas Is Being Pimped Out: The (Not) Royal Caribbean Ltd. Saga

By Drew

I’ve said for a long time that The Bahamas may just be a undercover bad gal. I think this Royal Caribbean Limited (RCL) deal has moved us beyond that. We’ve evolved into bad yellow gal territory. And I think we all know the final form of toxic womanhood….

The red gal. She’s the final boss before you inevitably turn into a jonser counting street lights and cussin out pigeons. Selah

Our country tends to smile and nod at any other country with money or clout like the world is a high school dance and we’re the statistically obese plan Z option in the corner slow blinking at her next trick. America looks our way and we’re like….

“Hey, stranger. Sending any of your friends my way so we can… know…..take their money?”

But then China walks in and they’re on some….

“My size. You need a stadium? A hotel? Cause we got hotel and stadium money…..what you into, Sweetgirl?”

…leaving The Bahamas like….

“…say stadium again…say stadium louder, baby!!..SAY STADIUM AGAIN I’M ALMOST THERE.”

There used to be a time that our “bad galness” was subtle. Closed door meetings. Whispers among those in the know. The public really had no idea what was going on because they literally only had channel 13 News. Well now we have several newsrooms, a plethora of reporters and….you know….the goddamn internet. The pimping of our country is on full display for all of us to see and this RCL situation is literally the government AND RCL playing in our face.

For those of you that that don’t know: RCL wants to build a “Royal Beach Club” on the western end of Paradise island. 17 acres of private cabanas, pools and “Bahamian culture”. They report that they will hire 200+ Bahamians for “construction and operations”. If there was EVER a cheat code to building ANYTHING on this island as a foreigner, jobs is the go to dog whistle to put both political parties on manners.

Works like a charm.

“…and on top of us building a private beach resort on a already sinking island we will also provide the lowest most menial positions imaginable while our people make the big bucks jobs!. So yeah…..Jobs!”

To be fair: people need jobs and I am in no way slighting any persons in any tourism related field regardless of pay scale/position. But we hear “Jobs” so much as a selling point only to discover that it’s the jobs they don’t want to do only to leave us with the crumbs. It’s the literal equivalent of Bahamian niggas selling dreams AFTER they fuck.

“Yeah babes. We ga buy ALL our food locally, jobs, room to evolve for young Bahamians…..shit, you want us pave all the roads using local contractors within a 5 mile radius of the wibe?”
“Chile he fuck me and ine hear from him since the resort open….smt. Anyway I met a lovely Canadian fashion designer so fingers crossed!” #Consequences

And like clockwork here we go again.

RCL claims they want to build a better Nassau and create a world class destination that generates huge demand. Meaning: everyone wins!

That’s cute.

Quick question: Is the answer to building a better Nassau a private beach on PI tho? That’s like me breaking my leg and going to the dentist. Imagine that.

“I mean you do have several cavities and definitely need a few teeth pulled but  by and by….your leg is like violently broken so….”

Let me be clear: Tourism is our #1 industry. We’re not replacing it with anything else anytime soon….and I have suggestions…

Y’all letting the Christian council block y’all blessings but let me stay in a sinners child’s place #420

So understand that I welcome RCL bringing tourists to our shores, probably in droves given their popularity. I can admit that. But diverting $110 million dollars and all those aforementioned tourists to private beaches with minimal long-term investment only amounts to one outcome really: RCL wins and we lose. And don’t get it twisted: BOTH governments are at fault here. They’re both well known for these bad faith deals and problematic environmental miscues. They are all to blame and, presently?

…it’s not exactly looking like a brave “new day”

But ya know what, instead of me being a Debbie downer, let’s talk solutions.

If RCL REALLY cares that much about Nassau and our product and improving our little slutty island then why don’t they invest in Downtown Nassau? There’s no question that downtown is pretty shitty.

Is this at the bottom half of downtown or a dilapidated building in war torn Ukraine? You’re not sure are you? Exactly

They claim that “…the vibrant Bahamian spirit and culture will come to life throughout the world-class destination experience”.

Um, ok….but y’all know we have a WHOLE island, not just your private one, where you don’t have to have a faux-Bahamian experience and the actual real thing right?

Again, if you give so much of a fuck about the island then, as the kids say, BFFR.

Look at y’all old heads googling to see what that means lol #MeTooTho

Also, if y’all take all those cruise ship passengers to said private beach then what happens to the jobs on the mainland? How many jobs would be lost when an estimated 3,000 passengers bypass downtown entirely?

The math is not mathing. But that’s how it works when you’re being pimped out.

A pimp will tell you anything that triggers a reaction to keep his hoe working. The irony is the pimp needs her more than she needs him. And that’s the critical flaw with this entire situation.

WE have the 365 days of sun.

WE have the beaches.

WE have 700 islands and cays.

WE are in close proximity to America, namely Florida which, worst case scenario, is a 40 minute flight away.

So why are WE letting this happen when WE should be the ones dictating to them a clear clut plan that genuinely reflects our wants and needs? Are we so fickle a country that we deserve to be pimped out for $40 and a fucking cutter snack?

Pictured above: “200+ jobs for construction and operations”. $40 not shown

Maybe we should take a long hard look in the mirror and realize our worth and stop selling ourselves like we’re cheap and have no cards on the table.

Maybe this is an objectively dumb move and certain people need to be more……well….brave. Or be less.

History will tell the tale.

Be safe tho.