The 40+ Bahamian Dating Scene Is Actually Great (Y’all Just Weird)

By Drew

Theres a common narrative that we all just kinda agreed to. We hear it wherever we go. It’s almost the “cool” thing to say these days. We’ve all heard the cries: “The Bahamian dating scene is trash!”, “Niggas ain shit!”, “These Bahamian gals ungrateful!”, “…this why I gotta go to Cuba to find a good soft hair woman cause these Bahamian gals too angry and problematic!!”. We all know what that nigga looks and smells like don’t we?

This picture smells like “where my hug?”, Dior Sauvage and mommy issues

Make no mistake, I’m also a part of the problem. It’s almost a knee jerk reaction to cosign the grievances of the 40+ and single. Shit….on the radio I’ve warned people against leaving their spouse because, in my own words….

“Only thing on this road is sushi, plan B, Bon Vivants, unresolved daddy issues and pain. STAY MARRIED” – said Andrew with his whole chest.

Well, to the 6 people reading this let me do what no woman has ever done outside of Anita Baker and the love of my life Sade:

I apologize.

I was wrong, I was pandering to the crowd…..I’m sorry.

I misewell tell y’all: It actually ain that bad out here…..some’a y’all just weird.

LoL….this won’t go well but….fuck it.

Hear me out: Y’all is ever….EVER look in the mirror and ask yourselves…

“Is…is it me maybe? Am I the problem? Are ALLLL these gals lyin on my name or am I just a piece’a shit?”

I don’t get how y’all don’t question yourselves even a little bit. I try to keep a healthy dose of real talk within my morning affirmations and I’m tellin ya….it keeps me honest.

“God grant me the serenity to accept this mediocre penis that I can’t change. The courage to go outside fat as I am. And the wisdom to know these gals ain on my run. Amen”

Works like a charm.

How you getting your body done but you ain heal from your last relationship let alone childhood trauma? How you a nigga in the gym, cut to the floor, but you don’t even know what compromise or humility looks like? Y’all workin out the wrong shit. Just because you not fat and presumably not ogly doesn’t mean you deserve the world on that merit alone, beloved. Especially y’all set who like to stand on your “independence”.

“That’s cool that you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need a man and I’m happy about your accomplishments in academia but I was asking if you wanted appetizers or nah?”

Same way men standing on their wallet isn’t the flex y’all think it is.

Ok, wait….let me qualify that.

It’s not the flex you think it is with SOME women. Cause if we’re being honest there’s definitely that select few who, within 10 minutes of realizing a nigga has money, all of a sudden needs a bill paid.

Let’s not act like they don’t exist.

“Girl he gat me in Fusion watching movie and he pay for ALL the snacks I want. This nigga gat MONEY MONEY… rent getting pay TANIGHT!”

But, if I can defend the rest of these 40+ ladies: y’all ain impressin them. Cause these women will hear you brag about your car and paycheck and look you dead in the eye and say….

“….OK…so……what else, nigga?”

They have their own money and all that shit you talking. Y’all niggas job, clout and money is your whole aesthetic or worse yet: your entire personality. Beloved, can you hold a conversation? Are you funny? You have ANY passion beyond….

“I have money and tings so……a teaspoon of pussy if you will!” #SheWon’t

But ladies, some’a y’all weird too. How you just divorced with 2 kids but “saving yourself” for your NEXT marriage?

Y’all don’t hear me in this church.


Hear me out.

If you don’t wanna have sex with any man then madam that is your God given right. In this age of this goddamn country DEBATING marital rape and it being “controversial” and morons like this existing….

She’s the person they chose to control a house full of “on the fence concerning marital rape” ass niggas. Her. HER.

…I could see why you’re not only hesitant but unwilling to fuck these niggas.

And I mean that.

Just please understand when niggas then proceed to either leave or do what niggas do in those situations: Juice another woman on the side until White Jesus gives you the green light. It’s not personal but we’re men and we 40, bey. I respect your walk with Christ. I really do. Just please respect my walk to the side piece house is all.

“Yeah just leavin Bible study from by homegirl. You up? I goin to shower then link you.” – Niggas

So, again, ask yourself….is the Bahamian dating scene shitty or are you just a weird person?

Y’all ever see a woman so fine, shape good, good job, seems intelligent then you meet them or ask enough people and EVERYONE have the SAME report about her? I was shook to my core when I found out how problematic a few of these women are. I mean like…..TOXIC. When a non-hating Bahamian man warns you off a beautiful woman just know she’s a PROBLEM.

Niggas start talkin like slaves in the 1800’s.

“No no….leave that one alone thas the devil. Nothin good over there, brother. Just do your work like massa asks and mind ya business only trouble over there, brother! Gone’head nah. Run don’t walk!”

Same for men only for some reason some women think they can save these niggas. Tho, I gotta say, not seeing that as much with this new crop of 40+ year old women. Most of them are either coming out of a long term relationship that didn’t work or a marriage that went to shit so their patience is thin. They really ain with the shits this lap.

“Girl this man didn’t know what an LLC was and I didn’t like the way he pronounced “skrimp” so I paid the bill and bounced….where y’all is? I need a drink!”

They have ZERO patience for the bullshit.

THIS is why I say the dating scene is NOT trash. We’re finally getting to the goddamn point. We’re finally having the hard conversations month 1. We have trimmed the fat on these dates/conversations and we are unpacking shit faster than ever.

Date 1?

“Ok…so what’s your plans, ambitions and hopes for the next 5 years, my nigga? You tryna build generational wealth and break these family curses or nah?”

Date 2?

“You said your ex-husband felt like you didn’t unpack your mother AND father trauma from your childhood. You working towards fixing and healing from that or you just out here drinking champagne and hoping your career achievements fill the void they left? We got time, babygirl….let’s talk!”

Date 5?

“So, baby, let me tell you bout the drama what gone down with that bitch in HR who I can’t stand….pour me some wine while we get into this TEA BABAYY”

That quick cause, let’s be honest, the minute we start work and friend gossiping then in my mind we go together I misewell tell you. I always know when me and a woman are really clicking when they mistakenly say, “So Girl listen…”, mid tea session. That’s when you know y’all official and she like you bad bad.

This is a glorious time.

We, the 40 somethings, are in great space . Cause I can date a mother or the 30 year old daughter. Shit, some of these grandmothers could get it y’all better stop playin with me.

Ms. Ethel look like she’ll grind you to powder then make you curry, white rice and loose corn on a Tuesday evening YOU WORRY

In essence, the dating field is WIDE open. More and more men I talk to want a woman their own age or older. Of course there’s always the niggas who are 49 and wanna date a 21 year old to which I say Godspeed. I’m not tryna keep up with their weird slang and drug use. We the generation of weed and liquor.

These lil gals DIFFERENT.

“Man you so boring! Une have no percs or xannys? Not even molly, old man?” #iHaveAdvilPmTho

Yeah, my old ass ain built for the youth. Y’all can have that shit. I need someone who knees hurt at 4am when they get up to pee. If you wasn’t outside during the stabby Waterloo or Bahama Joes era then respectfully stay away from me.

Everyone’s journey is different. I’m sure there are some people reading this that may have had a HORRIBLE go of it dating wise. ESPECIALLY women. I really do empathize with y’all cause niggas out here WEIRD . Trust me,  I know. I talk to these niggas and I immediately feel bad for y’all.

“Gal ga text me ‘Morning Handsome’, I send her a pick of my ready dick she ga talk bout ‘what this mean?’. SMT. I so sick of these stupid Bahamian gals”

Meanwhile ise be like…

However, calling the WHOLE scene trash is a stretch. The dating scene can’t be trash if you don’t put yourself out there. Y’all think slow blinking at niggas and liking Instagram photos ga get y’all booed up.

It won’t.

Hop in that niggas dms and shoot your shot, beloved, cause guess who ain scared to shoot…

Her…and you could laugh at her appearance all you want but if thas all who shootin then….me and HondaLaquinta will be quite fine under the bridge havin a salad thankyouverymuch #MindYaBusiness

Gents, not all these women are gold diggers and after your money. Because, let’s be honest: she probably makes more than you and also no one tryna rob you and your one bedroom apartment, bro. Niggas be “between jobs” scared of “gold diggers”. My nigga if that’s the case she mining coal not gold cause how you smell like Black and Mild and Nissan Teana seats but need a woman “who makin sense”?

“No bey these hoes is wan tax ya! Ya een ga tax me kingman!” #UneHaveNothinToTaxTho

Juxtapose to niggas who think money is an aesthetic. Bro…be interesting. Be funny. Ask bout her day. Buy dumb shit she like. Pay attention. Wake up and eat her vagina randomly and to completion during the wee hours to maintain balance and clarity within the relationship. Take her for drives.

All that good shit.

But, trust me: It’s not that bad out here.

And, if worse comes to worse…..never be afraid to pursue people husband/wife. Plenty of them WAITING for the right person to get in them dm’s. Don’t let a marriage stop you from finding the love of your life.

But I grew up sweeping carpet and eating fry sausage sandwich with no condiments so…..make your own decisions.

Be safe tho