By Drew
ALL y’all gals fat.
No if, ands or buts about it. Actually one can argue there’s a lot of “butts” concerning this topic. But ya know Bahamian men: We think the more butt she has the better. Thank God I’m not the typical Bahamian man cause they see this and go…
….but as for me, an intellectual….
Statistically we are an obese nation but, me being me, I wanna talk to the ladies. So, if I may address all y’all fat ass, big back, swollen ankle, fupa having, inner thigh rash burning, heavy mouth breathing, sweaty, cellulite looking like an accurate map of Elizabeth Estates ass, chubby, chunky monkey, “my size” ass chub monsters I have one thing to say to y’all:
I am so fucking proud of you.
Dj Cosmo (Dj at 103.5 The beat), Shaddy (Drake’s homosexual side nigga) and I were talking earlier this week. The conversation was about how we were so happy and proud to see so many Bahamian women trying to get healthier. Some with the gym, others on diets….it’s been a sight to behold because let’s be clear: I didn’t believe in any of you.
I was watching y’all in January like…
Then February came and, AFTER valentines mind you, y’all was still in that bitch which left me like…
And now we are WELL into March and y’all are KILLING it. From the Benz Body clique to the fitness classes at the various gyms to the alternative exercise spots like yoga, pilates and the true Bahamian Ozempic: Dating a Bahamian Police officer…
But not all of us want to take the heartbreak and belly breakdown route so working out was the better choice and you’re doing it. The irony of it is: Y’all were never fat.
Aint that a bitch?
I’m lyin?
Look back at the old pics of you in high school/college when you THOUGHT you was fat.
Now look at you in November of 2024.
Exactly.
And you know why I said November. NO ONE workin out albeit with sense in November. Christmas comin, you’re in go slow mode at work and you’ve said to yourself (one fork full of food a time)….
You’re doing it! And you’re doing it despite the pain. And no, I don’t mean body pain. Body pain we can handle. Body pain we enjoy especially if you’ve worked out before. It’s almost euphoric feeling the effects of a good workout and the accompanying coma of sleep you fall into at night….
No. The pain I’m talking about is the pain of actually going to the gym.
One of the biggest misconceptions people have about working out is that we enjoy going to the gym. Lol silly rabbit. We DO NOT enjoy going to the gym. We enjoy THE gym. But getting up to go do things…..does that even sound fun if it doesn’t include alcohol or sex? And then what’s worse there are like…people there…YUCK.
So I get it. I know how terrifying it is to join a gym or workout circle of people especially for a woman. I imagine you’re asking yourself….
Are they staring?
Can they see my rolls?
Am I dressed appropriately?
What do ya put on to sweat and die exactly?
Any niggas at the gym who are possibly husband material so I could not HAVE to workout forever and he just accept my body for what it is fat OR skinny?
Um, maam….the answer to all those questions is a resounding yes!
All that.
Yes we’re looking at you cause we don’t know you. Gyms on the island are a club. Brothers and sisters in iron as dramatic as that sounds. I know niggas who I have known from Wong’s gym in Palmdale, to Gold’s gym by the bridge, to Fanta C Prince Charles, Bodyzone seagrapes to now Better Bodies Shirley st. And I don’t know ANY of their names. Just the names me and my cousin Kenny gave them.
And trust and believe even tho the regular gym rats ARE watching you its not for the reasons you think.
It’s not for the fit or to judge your fatness. No we’re watching to see how long you stay and once we confirm you’re serious? Then ANY one of those people will happily help you out. Yeah there’ll always be the creepy niggas. That’s just life. They’re harmless once they don’t cross the line but ya: I know, they weird.
So please don’t get turned off by the few creepy niggas and the looks. They go from surprise to admiration quick with consistency honestly. Because we’re all on some type of journey.
Every person in the gym was either fat and is trying to get smaller. Small and trying to get bigger. Small/thick and trying to maintain what they have. We can be here all day listing the reasons. You just have to find yours. And, know this: That weight loss/gain wont cure whatever is going on mentally.
Don’t get it twisted, the dopamine hit is amazing and you genuinely feel better. Its amazing for anxiety and getting that energy out.
But please know inside the head of every bodybuilder and powerlifter is a fat person who talks shit to them daily. So please don’t think this shit is gonna fix your anxiety. It CERTAINLY helps it but now you lost the weight and have a bigger issue:
You live in The Bahamas.
I lost a few pounds, posted a selfie I took this week to Instagram and everyone assumed I had AIDS.
No, I don’t have AIDS. I have AGE. I’m old. At my heaviest I was 370lbs. Even as a guy that shit isn’t cute to step on a 300lb scale and the shit says
But I was always a gym guy so that was my excuse. Until the arthritis in my feet got so bad that I was unable to walk for a spell. It was bad. So that college gym weight had to come off. Now the same people who called me fatass and “too big” ended up being the same ones saying I’m too small. Can’t please Bahamians.
So prepare for the comments. Prepare for the hate. Prepare for the looks. Prepare for the work. Get comfortable with pain, it’s your friend. Get ready to go it alone at times. And find your “why”. Why you do this. Why it matters. And why this time you’re gonna make it count.
Just know we’re ALL fat. The fitness girls/guys, the bodybuilders, the powerlifters, the cardio people, the crossfit cult…..all of us. We’re all fat in our heads. It’s looking at yourself and finding the confidence to know that you’re enough but can be a little healthier. It’s the confidence in knowing that at whatever size you’re comfortable with you can move through this world without it feeling like a task. It’s what YOU see when you look in that mirror. It’s before you turn your lights out at night, asking yourself who the fuck you wanna be?
Not that any of you asked but just in case no one told you: I see you, I know its hard….but get your gorgeous, determined, sexy, strong, vibrant, motherly, empowered, enlightened, resilient, capable, never giving up, powerful, no boungie, big boungie, flat boungie, fuck these “my size” niggas, hard working, cellulite looking like an accurate map of Carmichael but that road keep traffic so judge ya grammy ass, hydrated, employed and enjoyed ass up and get to work!
Godspeed, beloveds.
Be safe tho.
