paper family near a broken heart a divorce on a wooden background

Why Are Bahamians (Still) Getting Married? (The Reasons Aren’t Reasoning)

By Drew

It’s very easy for me as an unmarried, childless, fat, insecure person to sit here in judgment of the married and successful. I hate people like that actually. Those who think they know it all because they’ve seen the bullshit their friends go through and think to themselves, “wouldn’t be me!”.

“MEEEEE Put up with a man who don’t pay ALL the bills or love me the way I require? I haven’t had sex in 10 years and I have a good job so sweety I AM the table. I’m good. Respctfully”
Whew….that last line tho. #ButGoOffSis

Please understand I do not approach this with an air of judgement.

I can’t judge ANYONE.

I’m as flawed and as broken as everyone else if not even more so. I can concede my limitations….they grow daily. However, I’m asking: Why do some of y’all get married and, seeing as we all seem to have our opinions to the “why” of it all….then my follow up question is: why are y’all STILL getting married?

If you’re in a successful marriage and things are going great and you’re happy then, beloved, this is NOT for you. Please don’t let the musings of a Dorito eating, Kraft macaroni and cheese seasoning nigga ruin your day.

I’m not worth it.

Imagine reading my shit, knowing I look like this, and letting it affect your day to day….lol…WILD

But for those of you who know why you can’t share or support this article, lets talk.

Y’all ok?

Why you marry him, Babygirl?

Why you so stressed out, bro?

To the men, when you popped the question was it for love? Or did you feel pressured into signing a supposed lifelong contract with someone that lowkey insisted you married them “or else”?

What we are NOT gonna do is pretend like women on this island don’t bully men into the idea of marriage then, when that marriage inevitably fails or goes sour, they on some….

“I begged him and manipulated him into marrying me and threatened that if he didn’t he would lose me and now I feel like he never genuinely wanted to be here…why would God do this to me? JESUS WHY!?!?!?!”

….meanwhile, Jesus is like….

“….pardon me, hoe? I sent you a an electrician that woulda loved you and treated you like a queen but he didn’t have a sexy job so yeah….blame the devil not me, love”

…..meanwhile the devil is like…

“MEEEEE? Y’all keep sayin I “busy” every damn day and you think I have time for ya lil marriage? Lol I don’t even know you, babes. God bless tho”

And to anyone saying “women can’t FORCE men to marry them”….Respectfully: That’s bullshit.

Make no mistake, you’re absolutely, 100%, correct.

But nah that’s bullshit.

Let me explain: There is absolutely no reason for taking lives en masse. Not even in war time do I agree with it. Only time we as Bahamians cosign mass murder is when Jesus does it….

“Yeah God burned Sodom and Gomorrah to the ground but plenty gay niggas/gals was there so THEIR lives turning to ash is whatevs …”- Christians

 …we kinda shake that shit off like pedophilia and our rape culture: We know its rampant and we literally see it every day but once the Christian council tackles the big issues like Soca and marijuana then….you know….fuck them kids. (Which, to be fair, the pedophiles seem to have taken literally but we better DEBATE whether marital rape should be illegal or not!!)

However, when a random kid in America (usually) goes to school and shoots the school up and kills a few dozen kids whats ALWAYS the narrative?

“He was bullied”

Did the bullying FORCE him into wanton child murder?


Did it have a major effect on his decision into child murder knowing he had access to weapons and opportunity?


I’m just saying, you didn’t force that nigga to marry you…..but ya kinda manipulated a nigga with access to ring/wedding money and a weak enough mind to bend to your whims is all. Its like begging me to go to a fancy dinner party with your friends that I hate and then being mad when I’m there being miserable.

“If you didn’t want to do this thing I begged you to do to the point that I put our relationship on the line then why even be here? Just say no…..once you know I will somehow make your decision to have peace a major red flag within this relationship!! I hate Bahamian men!!!”

We are also NOT about to act like Bahamian men don’t marry women ,“Because she’s a good girl and I can trust her more than these hoes on this road”.

Here’s what I don’t get.

Y’all niggas fuck these alleged “hoes”, turn them crazy and, let me be very clear: As a piece of shit nigga who has accused women of being crazy that I absolutely had a hand in in MAKING crazy? We gotta take the L for a lot of these women. Not ALL….but a LOT of em. Niggas is be out here talkin bout….

“Yeah I had a whole marriage and family in Mayaguana she didn’t know about until after we had our second kid but thine no reason to bring minor inconveniences to my life like talking loudly to me aggressively. Gals crazy on this road, bro!”

No we can’t admit it to them and I know I’m saying the quiet part out loud but niggas is highkey be borderline sending women to Sandilands let’s tell the truth.

So because you found the one gal that ignorant to how shitty you are or worse: KNOWS you’re a piece of shit but married you because you have/come from money then how are you any better than the women that bully men into marriage?

Quick question: Y’all know we know y’all marriage/love ain real right?

Like….y’all know we know y’all know y’all like super goin through the motions right?

Don’t mind them 300 likes in 20 minutes on your Facebook/Instagram status, beloved. They there so y’all don’t call us haters. I’m guilty of it too I won’t even lie.

“lol….nigga been cheatin on her for actual years and she only there cause she think they a power couple but….take this “like”. Une ga say Andrew Bain is a hater!”- I say to myself whilst cosigning the bullshit.

Also, it’s not hate if it’s true. It’s just that where we all so fake on social media and don’t really know most the people on our timelines anyway we just let y’all live the life but ,make no mistake: we know how the story will end.

We are not applauding your movie: We’re fake supporting you so we are sure to have front row seats to the sequel. Y’all know how the sequel goes.

“Hi, guys! After my first marriage I learned a lot of lessons about how to treat these niggas so here’s some steps and guidance as to how to keep a nigga based on my inability to keep my last nigga! only $79.99!!”

…we be home on the timeline like…

“…does it include maybe not not fucking him for a year and change? Is there a chapter on seeking clout less and maybe askin that nigga if he ok? Cause his sweetheart is my cousin and she say….”

We be knowin.

Same for us men. How you get married, change and then expect her to be faithful let alone give you any vagina? How that work?

Ok, you got “papers on that woman”…now what? She met you attentive, loving, caring, doing the little things. You was in the gym, stud of a man. Looking good, smelling good…..always complimenting her and always supportive. Now, a few years into the marriage, after work, dealing with kids, doing errands and trying to make your home life a little bit easier because God forbid you help with….YOUR HOME….she come home to this….

Look at this “don’t bring no fat ogly gal round me! I only fucks THE BEST” ass nigga! You don’t deserve vagina just like Cardi said in that song niggas hated cause y’all like man

How you get her is how you keep her. Take it from me as I’ve lost women by not following that simple rule. I’m a veteran at sucking at relationships. Fucking shit up is a talent at this point so trust me….not dating your wife would be a mistake.

So, again….why y’all still getting married, bey?

Cause we’ve established most of it is for the clout of BEING married. We’ve concluded that most these social media marriages are a sham. We see that most marriages end in divorce. Some end or, God forbid, DON’T end,because of abuse (mental or physical). Also, most y’all wasn’t supposed to be together in the first place if we being honest.

A lot of y’all married off of timing.

“You single and tired of niggas.I single and tired of gals on this road. Let’s get married and be tired of everyone together and build a life”

Weirdly enough….I’m ok with that.

I’m 41….I wanna sit here and wax poetic about how when I get married it will be for love and all its trappings. About how I wanna marry my best friend and someone who “gets me”. But honestly I’m also at a place of “we make sense”.

A lotta y’all tryna make love and not sense.

Trying to build homes with no foundation. Faking the funk for your 3,000 followers but lowkey have no idea who your person is beyond the clout chase. What does THAT conversation sound like?

“Ok…now lets do a funny one where like…we havin fun but we’re goofy and fun to be around….you know….like pretend us when we’re in public or in carefully curated photos!!”

Let me be clear: I think there are some amazing marriages out there. People out there that inspire my miserable ass to want marriage cause, make no mistake: I still wanna get married one day. I’m the optimistic version of that person I spoke about in the intro to this.

“Anyway y’all marriage fuck up. When I find my queen me and her ga be DIFFERENT. Juicing all day, talking all day, having fun, perfect kids, no headache! Prayers for y’all tho but me and mine ga be DIFFERENT #LetMeDreamDamnIt!”- Me, lowkey

But I love a good marriage.

Just 2 people figuring shit out in their own way. Making their own rules and societal rules be damned. Who did it quietly with the ones they loved and cherished. Those quiet marriages where no one knows what the fuck goin on with them because they stay low and out the way. Who don’t pretend to be above anyone else or like bad days don’t exist.

Are they perfect?


Are they in pursuit of perfection?

Also no.

And is that the recipe for a good marriage?

No clue. Never been married.

I’m a fat nigga on a laptop typing words on a site run by animals with names.

But it you take away everything I’ve said and ignore my broad stroked accusations and assumptions let me ask this:

Knowing what you know now about your spouse: If there were no negative fallout or consequences of any sort, how many of you would have gotten married or still be married today if given the opportunity to walk away?


Be safe tho.