When did we get so divided? Was it Samson and Delilah? Was it what Prince Charles did to Diana so publicly? No one knows. Me personally I blame the movie “Waiting To Exhale”for the great divide between women and men through the years.
That was a problematic time for men….
Every time a hurt woman who has been cheated on, left or ghosted has come to me concerning their male paramour I want to explain to them where they went wrong but I’m usually drinking so instead of the words of this article that I’ve typed, read over and edited….I end up saying…
Well, I have time, energy and audacity in spades so if you truly wanna know what Bahamian men really want then read at your own peril.
Ladies, I get it: The wheels of time are turning and you’re not getting any younger. If you let women tell it, by the time they hit 30+ their ovaries are drying up, their health failing and if they don’t get married in the next 2 weeks then all is lost and the war over. They legit sound like dying war vets on dates…..
Ladies you can’t expect us to be in the physical, mental or emotional rush you’re in. Now to many of you that’s a slight that you can not endure to which I say, godspeed and good luck! But understand my semen will live and fight until the war is over and my body stops. So that sense of urgency that you may feel…..I don’t. I know you’re over 30 and you didn’t believe life would be this way and, trust me…..I’m right there with you.
…but life didn’t pan out like that….
So be patient with us. Now inevitably some not-happy-with-most-men young lady is gonna say….
Well, thanks for that perfect segue not-happy-with-most-men, lady….perfect segue into….
Learn How To Date!
If you ask the average Bahamian what it means to date the answer is typically somewhere within the area of exclusivity: You’re mine, I’m yours and we’re “dating” towards the goal of marriage. Um, that’s not dating, beloved. Dating is when 2 people see each other with the knowledge that their lines of communication are open to other people, situations and possible sexual partners. Bahamians, male and female, be tryin to lock you down after one plate of Seafront Sushi.
Fun fact: did y’all know dating could also mean multiple consensual sexual partners that, once you’re being honest with them, you’re technically dating? If I tell you I’m out here doin me but wanna see where we go and you still let me have sex with you I am NOT cheating on you…..gotta read the terms and conditions.
Dating is taking your time, getting to know someone and, if you feel like taking your shit with that person to another level then have at it. But learn that it takes time…..not fucking 2 years. If that nigga takes 2 year to decide if y’all exclusive or not, and you haven’t chalked him off as a fuckbuddy, then, beloved….that’s a personal problem not a “niggas ain shit” moment.
Know your worth but also know your limits and act accordingly.
Respect Our Peace/Space
Do y’all understand a mans peace? You think its food, video games, and alcohol don’t you? You think we’re SOOOO simple that we can sit in a house with no furniture only a tv, a chair, music, food and liquor and just be “A-ok” don’t you?
A man’s peace and a man’s space are PARAMOUNT. I don’t wanna assume what women require for peace though y’all do seem to LOVE errands, brunch and bottomless mimosas. But a man’s peace is so simple and relaxing. Half the time we just wanna be alone…..for a minute. This is where it gets tricky. You come home from work and some of you from the door are on DEMON time….
No….no, I’m not.
I blacked out at “hangover” actually.
Now I’m thinking about the show “Ultimatum” on Netflix and texting Shonny about it while you say things out of your mouth hole.
Word of advice, ladies…..read the room.
If you walk in and your man looks sullen and tired and weary and you ask about his day and he has a miserable tone to his answer then, do me a favor: Kiss your nigga on the forehead, tell him you love him and that you’ll be in the other room and whenever he’s ready to talk, eat or both to let you know.
Guran-fucking-teed that man at first he will be like….
But then after the paranoia settles? He’ll be like this in an hour or 2…
Niggas wanna be near you but not at all but also need your hugs and cuddles but don’t be clingy because stop that.
Give niggas an hour to catch themselves and get their mind right THEN tell them about the bitch Amanda at work you can’t stand. We just need time away from y’all sometimes to just be men and that includes doing nothing, saying nothing and enjoying nothing….and it’s a GREAT time!
Learn To Apologize!
We’ve all seen the memes and jokes of women refusing to say they’re sorry. It’s a real thing in The Bahamas. I don’t know what causes it or when it started but women seem to have this thing that they are averse to saying they are wrong WHEN they are irrefutably wrong. You could prove to her the sky is blue with math and science and she’ll be like….
And, God forbid they are wrong to the point that they HAVE to admit it then you get the most half assed, backwards, around the bush apology ever.
Keep in mind when WE are wrong y’all want the world and then some. Niggas could take the garbage out 10 minutes later than requested and y’all will be on some….
Keep that same energy.
Yes, sex is that important.
Listen I don’t know how you women do it. Y’all be out here talking about…
More power to you ladies but men need sex. If you’re not a sexual person or don’t enjoy sex in general or WITH your person then please exit the relationship and let that man go be happy.
And, yes, I really mean that.
It blows my mind that in 2022 women think not fucking their nigga for months isn’t gonna lead to cheating or a porn addiction. Queen….are you kidding? Of course, we his friends, co-sign him cheating.
Initially we’re like….
But then nigga lets us know that Sasha hasn’t given him any vagina for months and we’re like….
Now, let me be clear….if your nigga ain shit and bills ain paid, BEEN cheating on you regardless, don’t help around the house and is frankly a fucknigga? Then God bless…..he doesn’t deserve the pumpum. But, beloved, if y’all bills paid and that nigga still telling you you’re sexy and he loves you and out here washing dishes, doing laundry, handling the kids, and doing his goddamn job and you STILL ain givin him no pussy?
I know some women right now that will suck his soul out his body for half of that effort, are you kidding? Y’all out here thinking….
….some woman WAITING for him to drop that “In a Relationship with…” out his profile is sitting back like…
And yes I know sex requires communication and honesty and conversation and compromise and all that. But if you keep shutting that man down while simultaneously holding kids, mortgage and marriage over his head then what you expect him to do?
And if you let her tell it?
…did ya fuck him, Beatrice? Cause…all that is cute but if we not busting nuts then….