The New Found Independence Of The Bahamian Male (#RIP Harambe)
There was a time on this island when men were men. They went out, supported their family, did hard labor and then came home to a well prepared meal by their doting wife who was all too happy to feed him his deserving meal. Either that or they were legit afraid to get hit as that wasn’t so much illegal as it was frowned upon back in those days.
It was a horrible time for women.
They couldn’t vote, barely had rights and I’m pretty sure that was when “wife beaters” and “dusters” were simultaneously invented and why old folks wear them to this day. Over the years things have changed. Thankfully. For all of our failings, domestic abuse is far lower, men have more respect for women than ever in history, and we have totally turned a page on how we view women on this island.
But as the times changed so did we. We evolved and we got better in many regards. But something strange happened. Bahamian men became exceedingly independent of Bahamian women and I feel like its time we acknowledge that.
Lets firstly break down what I mean by “Became independent of Bahamian women”: We’ve all heard the old folks speak on marriage and relationships. I don’t know about most of you guys but every time my grandmother speaks on finding a good woman there’s always the qualifier, “Make sure she could cook, clean and have chirren(child bearing hips)”.
I’ll be honest I’m not really sure if they mean “gun casin” or just in general a fat ass. I just know I’m here for both.
It’s common among older Bahamians that “a woman knows her place”.
I don’t adhere to this for several reasons but suffice to say we can’t ask women to know their place while also wearing their jeans, using their eyebrow brushes and wearing their dresses.
The women of my generation heard all that and decided to err on the side of what I like to call subconscious feminism. They didn’t necessarily know they were being feminist they just wasn’t putting up with the bullshit anymore. The average Bahamian female will cook, clean and help you out but trust it will be on her terms and not because she’s “expected to”. I support that and I applaud it because half these niggas don’t deserve that kind of treatment anyway.
But understand that in doing so something happened: We evolved.
See once y’all stopped being domestic we adjusted accordingly. I was raised by majority females so rest assured I clean a bathroom better than all of you. I pride myself on my kitchen/bathroom cleaning skills. I clean a house like a single mother of two trying to make ends meet but not where they want to be in their life just yet, but loves Jesus.
On the cooking front I make a mean breakfast and thanks to Buzzfeed, nigga’s a chefs now. I’m on buzzfeed making shit I cant even pronounce but let me tell it and I can make fire engine and white rice sound like some elegant shit.
Now most women are all saying the same thing right now:
“Ok nigga…..and what? That’s what y’all SUPPOSED to be doing. How you want credit for some shit you supposed to do.”
But in the infinite words of Janet Jackson: what have you done for me lately?
See while we were cleaning, learning to cook, and being beautiful domestic single creatures y’all were busy doing weird shit with weave, buying shoes and being mad at each other. You’ve lost the balance and as it stands now, and I’m sorry to say this….we don’t need you. That is NOT to say that that is all we ever required of you but history shows us that there was a time….that that was all men required of you.
In essence its about goddamn time we caught up.
Now lets be clear we, NEVER should have needed you. We put women in a position of servitude legit by force. Think about it. When we weren’t hitting women we used the bible to put them in their place.
Yip….all you christians know exactly what I’m talking about.
If we were to go by the bible technically all y’all supposed to be punished for not wearing long dresses and kissing our asses. However, y’all decided to skip them chapters and focus on how niggas aren’t supposed to cheat and calling other women whores who help them do it.
I am not a fan of a weak woman or a “yes woman” so that worked out amazingly for me.
See I’m like my dad, I love a challenge. I can’t date a weak chick. But in keeping with that stance I’m noticing more and more women are finding it difficult to deal with these independent ass niggas because now, all of a sudden, y’all realize you actually have to bring something to the table.
It’s like Bahamian women were on a job that didn’t pay them equal to men. Then that job gave them a raise but instead of compensating their efforts to fulfill the expectations of the raise they just kept doing the same job they always did and are now confused why they aren’t getting promoted to higher positions.
See while y’all were “to the lefting” with Beyonce we were getting degrees (just like you), making moves (just like you) and domesticating ourselves (to not need you).
Which then leaves the riddle: What happens when an unstoppable force meet an immovable object.
We’re by no means better than you we’re just on the same playing field and want the same respect that you’ve been taking advantage of for years.
Oh you havent been taking advantage?
Every man reading this has heard a Bahamian female boast about having a job, taking care of their kids and living alone. My only question to that has always been..
“Well…isn’t that what adults are SUPPOSED to do?”
Y’all wanted credit for being functioning members of society. Not to be frank but after you separate the accolades, accomplishments and ego tripping all a lot of you bring to the table is…well….vag.
For those that aren’t interesting you’re bored or starved for attention and because niggas who are still in that 1920’s frame of mind was on your heels for years you expect us to “chase” you.
Now before you flip a lid hear me out: I agree a woman should be courted and treated like a lady. I believe there’s a role for men and women in this dance we call dating. But goddamn it when do men get to feel special? When do men get to feel “worth it”? A lot of women ask for acknowledgement for doing basic shit but then never give their man the same.
I know guys right now that break their back at work, come home, help with the kids, help with dinner and clean, the whole 9, but let their wives tell it “he should be lucky”.
And you’re not?
Whats funny is I’m seeing so many guys who are waiting, praying for Ms Right to come and there are none. All that’s left are educated, employed, independent, beautiful women with a chip on their shoulder that cant seem to handle the fact that they actually have to offer a quality product in order for a man to reciprocate whatever it is SHE thinks she deserves. Or some chick with a fake rap career trying to break into a non-existent industry.
Then people wonder why men aren’t in ANY rush to get married these days.
The average guy is happy to wait for Ms Right and not settle for “what makes sense” while enjoying the sexual hours with Ms. Right Now. But…if you’re smart you’ll see that because of this change…we can meet on equal footing and you will KNOW we want you for you.
Think about it: How in “love” were our grand and great grand parents really?
You met a chick with a functional vagina, your parents ok’d the shit, and then you were married popping out babies and waiting to die more or less. Dating and marriage was for procreation and stability more so than anything else really.
I’m at an age where if I’m with a chick then trust me I’m into her. There’s nothing a female can do for me that I cant do for myself except sex and even there i might as well tell ya…
Now we can get to know each other, learn each other and grow together with no predisposed notions of gender roles. I’m a guy that loves a woman. The end. We don’t need anything else because we know ourselves. We can take care of ourselves and we don’t need each other.
We WANT each other.
We’ve sold this “Needing” a spouse shit too much in my opinion. If you need someone thats an issue. Sure everyone needs a car but if you could get something you want would’t you be THAT much happier? How dumb does it sound to just settle because of necessity?
You want a man that won’t cheat? You want a man that will treasure you and treat you like a queen? Then do everything for him that you require him to do for you and watch the magic. Cause trust me, you’re not the only one with options that knows they’re worth it. Y’all are so terrified by the notion of an independent male that y’all wont even let niggas do their job.
Remember what happened to the last real niggas that tried to do for a woman what she obviously couldn’t handle herself?
Step your game up, give men the same shit you require of them and RIP Harambe.