by: DREW

I remember being 16 and in love. I remember the butterflies in my stomach and how nervous I was at her doorstep. This was back in the day when phones had wires attached to the receiver and if your mom was cool enough she bought the 80ft long cord so you could walk in the other room whilst clotheslining and/or tripping everyone in your family. All in the name of love though.She and I would whisper sweet nothings for hours challenging the other person to go to sleep. Being on the phone with a female was like being in a Wrestling match: You don’t leave until someone is passed out. I remember all of it.

I also remember when I had my sister take me to her house that same day with flowers in hand only to find some not-me looking dude sitting on her couch. It’s a fading memory because I cant remember her name and I struggle now to remember what she looked like. But I do remember the talk my older sisters gave me revealing to me the true nature of women and the games they play. After that talk and me crying man tears for a few hours nothing was the same. Sadly not a lot has changed with women on this island, as a matter of fact it’s gotten worse so: These are the 4 ways Bahamian women are ruining relationships.

Bahamian women feel entitled

Ask a Bahamian woman what she requires of a man. They will go on with everything they think a man should do. From paying for everything to cleaning house the list is infinite. If God really hates you she would have had a drug dealing/rich father who was never present but bought her everything she wanted to compensate. They are the worst because they’re the ones who really think that’s the way love works.

Here’s a little secret that women don’t know about men: While you’re doing all that do you know what we’re doing? Cutting you down. Men are visual creatures. First thought on this mans mind is “Wait but she isn’t even that good looking to demand this though”. Yip, that’s how we think. Now ladies you can make a face at that statement all you want but Jay Z was ugly to you about 5 albums ago. Now strangely enough you find him “oddly sexy”.

I wonder why....

I wonder why….

If $18,000 a year Jay-Z stepped to you making demands you would curse him to the floor. But we’re assholes when we take the same position? Women if you demand all of this extra from us the only question we have is what are you bringing to the table? I have no issue providing, cooking, cleaning the whole 9. But we have a bunch of uneducated, horribly unattractive, unambitious women out here who can’t spell Sapodilla but they know they “deserve” to eat there though.

“Women who think calamari is a province in Europe don’t deserve Sapodilla, Hondateana. Now eat this good thigh snack and keep it moving”

“Women who think calamari is a province in Europe don’t deserve Sapodilla, Hondateana. Now eat this good thigh snack and keep it moving”

Ladies you eat what you kill. Miss me with these “A Real man….” Memes you put on Facebook. A real man has a penis. The end. After that its what we both can do for each other. But you’re not entitled to anything you didn’t help earn. If I do anything extra for you its because I love you and I care for you. Step your game up and meet me halfway. Or don’t and I have no problem helping you out where I can. But there’s a huge difference between a female meeting you and “knowing her worth” while simultaneously asking for weave money than a woman asking you how your day was or just too busy out here being great.

Your Friends

There is nothing more frustrating than having to date a Bahamian woman and having to date all of her friends. See most of you read that and assume that I would be mad at them because they were “giving her good advice” or “had her back when you messed up”. Both of which could be right depending on the scenario, I’m sure.But what really frustrates men is the fact that we know the women you can’t stand and even the ones you do like, you have literally told us everything about them.

Now, when the argument comes you have the audacity to say to me “Ya but Heineken said you need to be home more”. Heineken said that, did she? The same Heineken who can’t keep a man and had sex with the dude in the bushes in the back of Rubis? That Heineken is my judge? Pillow talk is dangerous ladies and the same way we get chatty after a good romp in the sack is the same way y’all get chatty….well, every day.

“Well I was talking to Gloria about us and how I haven’t felt connected to you but she was going on about how her husband has been beating her again. She gave me good advice about us though"

“Well I was talking to Gloria about us and how I haven’t felt connected to you but she was going on about how her husband has been beating her again. She gave me good advice about us though”

Bahamian women constantly have to include their friends in every argument or relationship decision they make and its annoying. If we can’t figure our shit out together then we don’t need to be together. We should be able to sit down and have the conversation. If it gets heated we take a break, blow off steam and try again. But the minute you make them my judges I get resentful because you seem to have forgotten I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM. I understand you need an outlet but my God: go to the gym, get a friend with (common) sense or…I don’t know, drink. Just stop telling our business to women who either don’t have a man, can’t keep a man, or are in a horrible relationship with a man.  Take it to Jesus. Whatever works.

Bahamian women marry for the wrong reasons

“I knew I didn’t love him when I married him but he was safe so…..”. I have heard that statement so many times from Bahamian women it’s scary. But there are two sides to this that needs to be addressed. I get that women want financial security and/or to be with a guy that makes them feel safe. I’ve heard women say they don’t date good looking guys because they have a track record of being man whores.

“Girl look how financially stable and honest he looks. I wanna communicate with him like crazy!" - Said, no woman ever

“Girl look how financially stable and honest he looks. I wanna communicate with him like crazy!” – Said, no woman ever

I get it. You want the safe option because the safe option guarantees a drama free life. This all comes back to my “Entitled” point because this right here is passive aggressive gold digging. Think about it for a second: You didn’t want to just be alone and wait to marry the right person for you. You couldn’t afford to maintain the lifestyle you wanted either. The guy you DID love was a dick and left so you did the next best thing: Got with the safe guy. You don’t love him, the sex is meh and really he bores you. But your bills are payed and there’s no financial headache because you can piggyback off that 2nd income.

Don’t think your husband will see it that way? Go tell him you don’t love him and why you REALLY married him. You either won’t do it for fear of him leaving or you’ll do it and he’ll have the exact same reaction as what I’m saying now.

Yes I know you’re not out there with brands on and doing the club thing and spending money. But see that’s why it’s subtle: the base of your relationship isn’t founded in love its founded in financial security. Please don’t misunderstand me: Financial security for any relationship is key. But shouldn’t love, caring, understanding, all that good shit you said on Facebook with the Kevin Gates picture, be what relationships are about?

“He had frequent sex with his cousin but this a good meme though”....No seriously - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aGiVELTXkc

“He had frequent sex with his cousin but this a good meme though”….No seriously – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aGiVELTXkc

Life is short, why be with someone you don’t love when you could wait on the person you do? If you’re there for the kids I get it, especially young kids. But if you have grown ass kids or none at all then what are you doing exactly?

Bahamian women are not united

What always makes me laugh about Bahamian women is they get mad at us for cheating and being bad but let’s look at some stats before you get angry: Nassau has about 250,000 people living here. Of that 250,000 it’s very hard NOT to know when a couple isn’t together. Only way  someone wouldn’t know is if you never come out of the house in which case you have bigger fish to fry than reading this article. Now when your man cheats I highly doubt that your degrees of separation from this female is that much of a divide. It’s usually someone you know or someone you know knows them and trust me, they know you.

How is it, with an island this small, women aren’t united enough to just say “no” to guys? You know his girlfriend and yet you still go after the dude? I know guys who aren’t married who wear wedding rings when they go out just to get girls. Think about that. That’s how much these women want something that isn’t theirs. If you live in America, Europe or Canada I get it: A guy can have a whole family in a different province and you would be none the wiser. But in Nassau? How are you females not united enough to where you just say no? I always tell women that we’re not cheating on you with each other, it’s your friends coming after us because, as I said before, you won’t stop including them in OUR relationship. You tell them about our problems, they (with no man in sight) feel like they could make me happier and you’re being petty so they put the moves on me. Now don’t get this confused: It’s on the man to say no. There aren’t a lot of male rape victims on this island.

Shut up, you know what I mean!

Shut up, you know what I mean!

But how is there not more uproar among yourselves for these females out here making you guys look bad? If all Bahamian women just said “Let’s leave the married/taken men out of it and just date the single ones” then imagine how much better life would be for you all.

Oh a shitload of divorces would go down because then men would have to be honest with their feelings seeing as sweethearting would then have been abolished. But after that spike in divorce and sadness, that shit would balance out quick.

Its fun to dream, isn’t it?

I can’t say this enough: These points to do not refer to ALL Bahamian women. Not ALL Bahamian women are the aforementioned. However a lot of them are and it’s ruining relationships on this island. Last week I wrote about how men were the worst but now having said the converse I hope people realize that yes, it takes 2 to tango.

Both sides are killing it. If you think about it, we wouldn’t have gotten very far if deep down people weren’t as eager to love as they were to be loved. Sometimes it feels like this island forces you to choose between one and the other. Rich or poor, black or white, no one wants to sow misery, not really. Many just can’t see an option.

When our backs are against the wall the best of us see things in black in white. I’ve never put much thought into matters of the heart but I have to admit things can’t continue the way they are. If living without the one you love or making a life with the one you loathe are the only choices, then it’s time to expand our options. So far I’ve spared myself the pain of taking a good hard look at my past. But if pain and bitter truth are what’s needed for me to be better then I imagine we are not so different that it wouldn’t be the same for you as well.