By Drew

 

So my dad died last week Monday and that sucked.

He had pancreatic cancer and in 2 months I watched the strongest man I knew…..well…..leave. To his credit, my father went out like a champion. He was old school with the way he handled it. He legit sat me down on some…

“They say I have 22 tumors in me and a short time to live but my dick is working so…..gonna make good use of that I think….” #TrueStory

Pancreatic cancer is a monster because you cant detect it until its really got you in its clutches and, when it truly manifests, it takes you down quick and hard……which more or less describes my sex life if I’m being honest.

“We supposed to be one so if I bust and you didn’t then we have bigger issues than my “stamina” or “medically fascinating micro penis”, Karen”

Like most things in life, if its never happened to you then you really cant speak to what a thing does to another person. So, with that being said, I would like to write an open letter to The Cancer Society of The Bahamas.

Hey there, C. Soc.

I call y’all that because I super don’t feel like constantly having to refer to you by your full government name. I feel like y’all have a bunch of overly loving and empathetic black folks and far too many white people that use the term “brotha” to make themselves comfortable amongst niggas.

“Y’all realize “brotha” is just Diet “Nigga” right? – Fredrick Douglas #KnowYourHistory

I have 0 evidence to support this its just that every time I think of you guys at your formal events I think of that weird Eyes Wide Shut party where everyone has on a mask and speaks in Lyford Cay.

“I heard Frank and Karen are going on the boat Tuesday morning during niggas normal work hours. Care to Join?”, Chad said Lyford Cayishly

But I digress.

Like most articles I write I have done 0 (zero) research into your society. I’m not sure what y’all do, how you do it, or who even started it let alone what their motivation was to start it. In fact, I’ve heard a lot of bad things about these societies and the pink ribbons and all …….that ain y’all people aye? Word on the street is niggas used Cancer to sell pink ribbons for their own financial gain. How do you steal cancer money, bey?…Like what do you buy with someones suffering?

Touche’, tiefin cancer people. Touche’

But I doubt that’s you guys. I haven’t heard any complaints about you folks and in Nassau no complaints means you’re doing an amazing job.

Trust me on that.

If I were to mention going to the Palmdale McDonalds 98.4% of Bahamians would have the exact same reaction….and all your stories will end the exact same way because niggas.

“….so after I waited 4 hours for my 3 McGriddles and diet coke….”
#YouStillWaitedTho #WeenLeavingTheLine

So, with all of that being said, let me do something I have NEVER done in my 4 years of “writing”: I want to apologize.

I’m sorry.

Now C. Soc, promise me you won’t tell ANY of my ex’s I apologized because they would be on some…

“You and cancer is juice now aye? You out here apologizin like this “cancer” slut special!”

I’m apologizing because on several occasions, on this very same platform, I made fun of your events. Not the formal ones though I’m kinda mad none of the members of 10th Year Seniors have ever been invited to your little soiree. Y’all mussy never see me when I all dress up and put on my good clothes.

Pictured above….me in my good clothes. I was so young then

Not those events; I mean the Marathons/Walk-a-thons.

I would constantly rip on you guys and complain about how you made people wake up at 6 a.m. to run/walk from goddamn Montague to Harbor Island. I would legit go out of my way, being fake-woke mind you, to tell people to either just donate money or to not support your evil. And make no mistake C. Soc……I find all cardio to be evil. I mean I get it, the jogging and what not but, bey…..why?

I know health is important but at what cost, beloved?

I know Greg and Farrah are side eyeing me right now cause them niggas love to jog. I just never understood it and, like most Bahamians, if i don’t understand it then I just consider it evil.

Pictured above: “Evil”

After watching my 6’1, 230lb father lose 130lbs in 2 months and shrink into a shell of the man I once knew I finally get it.

I get why people run/walk.

I get why they pay their money and support however they can. Looking at my dad in his final moments and seeing him not be the over the top large man I knew him to be, it really put things into perspective for me. To be fair though, as small as he had gotten, it kinda showed me what I would look like if I cut a few pounds and started doing the aforementioned cardio.

“Sure cancer is terrible but your jawline is impeccable. Really sexy stuff” – Me talking to my dad in the hospital.

I’m even different in the gym now.

If I would typically do 6 reps now I do 12. If I would typically stay an hour now I stay 2. You want to push harder for the person you watched suffer and die because they pushed and did more with far less. In your mind if they can do it….if they can fight what they fear could be the last fight of their lives then who am I to not walk a too long marathon in their honor?

Walk, C. Soc…..not run, WALK.

Let me put that disclaimer out there now. Please don’t come in my dm’s asking me to run or cycle any marathon. Thats not what we Bains are known for. We are known for our strength, sharp whit and inability to see these haters in these streets, son!

Literally.

This nigga whole job is based on sight and look at him not having eyes #isThisYourKing? #AinSeeStabilityInYears

My father was a walker so we’re gonna walk for cancer, beloved.

Sign me up for all the walks. Sign me up for all the events and whatever I can do monetarily that will still allow me to pay rent and feed myself.

However, I have a few suggestions for services you can offer the public or people who have watched a loved one die from cancer.

Firstly, you need to offer a crying room…..filled with wine, exotic cheeses/meats and put Sara Mchlachlan on repeat….like, forever. I’m sorry but you can do anything to Sarah McLachlan Music.

                      You can make love, go for a drive or mourn your dead dad to this and I think thats beautiful 

 

I think the crying room is a great idea because do you know how weird it is watching a loved one go to heaven and then walking outside of that space to only have some nigga in a Honda blasting Migos like your whole world didn’t just collapse?

“Perchance, LiL Tones, would you have a Sade cd or anything thats not this? I wanna be more sad and less “Bad and Boujee” right now.”

The crying room would allow people to sit  there for a few hours and just be as sad and pensive as they want. The wine and cheese is just in case niggas get snacky.

Ok, that’s not true. lol

I just feel like I would ask y’all for snacks and thas the shit y’all would send. When I think “Cancer Society of The Bahamas”, I think wine and cheese not souse and grits. But I sad so whatever works, beloved.

Another idea I had was, instead of grief counselling and all that talky talky stuff…..have a “People Who Have Lost Someone To Cancer” party. Now I know a lot of you are thinking it would just be a lot of this….

“They playin Bujus “Murderer” and you know that was Bernadettes song!” #Memories

Contrary to popular belief, sometimes getting drunk, high and listening to music is an amazing way to grieve. I’ll be honest, I haven’t wanted to just sit down and cry this whole time. There were times I just wanted to drink the pain away. I know its frowned upon but you can’t choose what fixes you….even if its to your detriment.

Ok…..you need to stop “fixing” yourself, Jamal. You’re ruining my horrible cancer club night plan!

I don’t know if this is your first time reading one of my articles, C. Soc, but I say “beloved” a lot. A lot of people think I stole it from Taxstone….a popular but presently incarcerated podcaster who made the term of endearment huge.

That’s actually not true: It never came from him.

My father constantly said it. Ask anyone who really knew my dad and they will tell you he constantly used the term….to men or women. Which is kinda awkward considering most niggas think if you call them beloved its gay. Its from the church, you unwashed savages! And nothing from the church has ever been wrong or ga-

….oh…..well…..shut up you know what I mean.

To my dad it was his way of saying that you were his equal. That we were all Gods children and worthy to be loved. I’ve seen him say it to politicians, jonsers, fast food vendors and most notably his family. It was, in a way, how he quietly let the world know he loved all of us. So, in his death from this horrible and very present disease, if there is anything I can do to help, if there is anything I can do be a part…..let me know.

….except this……never this.

I have no witty or funny ending to this. I just would like to say if there is anyone that has a family member or loved one suffering from cancer please know you have a friend in me.

I am obviously not a counselor….I don’t know the words to say.

My Uncle Tinkle said to me in the hospital when my dad died that sometimes being present is all the words you need. I am a blunt instrument and I never know the right thing to say. But I can hug, I can love and I can be present.

We are all in this together and I consider each and every one of you family now.

Thanks to everyone that stuck around during this hard time for me and my family. Thank you to the 10th Year team, the staff of Private Male Surgical 1 specifically Nurse Sands….you were amazing. And apologies to those who may be offended by my final words but, on behalf of my 4 sisters, my mother, and myself, I would like to exuberantly say….

 

FUCK CANCER.

RIP, Daddy. See you when I get there, beloved.

 

 

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