By Drew

 

I remember being 10 years old and my dad walking into my bedroom on a Friday morning in the summer and telling me to pack my bags: he was taking me to Miami. It was my first time on a plane, first time away from home beyond those god awful Governor General youth awards trips where kids learn to survive in the bush because leaving 25 kids under the supervision of 25 year old teachers wasn’t going to lead to itchy bush sex……. they thought.

There’s an orgy happening in there if you look close enough I promise.

I remember how huge I thought everything was (pause). The buildings, the cars. I remember thinking how different and how much better they were as a people because, like most Bahamians, I was alarmed at just how great the customer service was. We as a nation are not accustomed to people giving quality service on any level.

Your welcoming smile and pleasant demeanor are freaking me out, Carol. Relax.

Those 3 days were the best days of my youth because in my mind there was no country greater. I felt like at their core they were simply better than us, more evolved. Now, as a bearded alcoholic with commitment issues I see my youthful naivete and realize that, though their infrastructure and economics dwarfs our own, there isn’t much difference between them and us. It’s within this vein that we need to address the fact that we, Bahamians, would have elected Donald Trump (and why that’s a problem).

I, like everyone else, was in disbelief when Trump was elected. Well….disbelief is a stretch. I think deep down we all knew America was centered in quiet racism….we just didn’t think they would elect it.

This is typically where a Trump supporter asks the question, “How is Trump racist, pray tell?”.

If you have to ask that question and think that you’re going to get factual poignant answers from me then, beloved, you’ve come to the wrong website. I’m not going to sit here and waste words with the plethora of things this nigga has said against minorities, women, the disabled, war vets, Mexicans…..yeah, I know I said minorities already but if we didn’t have Mexicans we wouldn’t have Chipotle.

Y’all ain hearing me.

We. Would. Not. Have. Chipotle. If. It. Wasn’t. For. Mexicans!!!!!!!!!!!

I am ready to tear down any wall built as a thank you for what they did for the culture. (Extra guac tho please)

Right up to the very second that I am writing this article the Charolttesville situation is playing out on my television.

The man refused to disown Nazi’s and more or less tried to blame BOTH SIDES for a woman being knocked down by A NAZI. I’m sorry but you don’t get much worse than a goddamn Nazi. Whats next….stealing years of peoples national insurance savings for personal gain with nothing to show for it?

…oh

I, like most Bahamians, went straight on my high horse and bashed the Americans. I went on my boy Jazhino’s FB page and went in on anyone that defended him thinking I had the moral high ground. That was until a friend of mine, who was defending Trump, said something that made me pause: “What makes your country any better?”.

“Ya but our beaches pretty and we have a Bamboo Shack plus…like….Kaliks and what not so…shut up!!!”- Bahamians

One of the most intelligent things you can do in this world is change your mind. I firmly believe that.

I had to take a step back and realize that no….we were no better and in fact, we 100% would have made Donald Trump Prime Minister of our beautiful Bahamas and done it with a smile on our face. We act like fueling incompetence isn’t a national hobby.

Above are paid actors playing out what happened to a Bahamian Police officer downtown this week. Enjoy

You’re trying to tell me if a rich white man ran for Prime Minister, promised to stop Haitian and Cuban immigrants from coming to our shores and more or less pandered to the lowest demographic on the island (ie: Niggas) that he wouldn’t win….in a fucking landslide? And don’t come at me with things he’s said because Leslie Miller has said far worse than ANYTHING Donald Trump has said and no one loves that nigga more than Bahamians.

Wanting to put homosexuals on an abandoned island aside he really did do a lot for the community tho

Wanna bring up his marriages?

1 in 10 of you know….legit KNOW the women these politicians are cheating on their wives with. Its not even a secret at this point. Women declare that shit loudly….in public…on an island that’s 21/7.

“Ya girl I been grindin that MP for about 3 years now. Who you think payin this good ass mortgage, boo?! #GirlPower #ButYallVoteNoTho “

Some would argue that he’s nowhere near the man Obama was and I agree. But y’all act as if Obama would have been a contender in a Bahamian election.

LoL…um, no…Y’all would NOT have voted for Obama…like, at all.

You would have run him out of town faster than these PLP’s are about to run if Minnis doesn’t stop this witch hunt.

“Best come Alaska, bro. Minnis ain ga find us down here…I still have some BPL money left…we could live off that!”

I’m lying?

You’re trying to tell me y’all were going to vote for a black man advocating for gay rights, legalization of marijuana and transgenders in the military?

The Christian council didn’t wanna let grown adults watch Harry Potter and you think HE was gonna lead this country? Remember when the Christian council legit wrote a letter to the most powerful man in the world requesting he stop allowing gay people to do things everyone else was doing?

Rampant pedophilia, rising crime rates, economy in the gutter and hot pattie prices sky rocketing but gays are the issue though #iCantMakeThisUpPeople

And this is with whom you choose to place your faith? How do we still have a group of “Christian”leaders telling grown adults what movies to watch, festivals to attend, how to dress and how to live? How are they still a thing?

But I digress.

We loved Obama because he was black and for those of us that read books or paid attention we loved him for his policies, actions, what he represented and what it meant for our kids and our parents. My mother and father were alive to see a black man and black woman hold the oval office and that was all I needed from him. So if I can admit that can y’all admit, outside of his skin color and love for vintage R&B, that this nigga would have had to run as an independent for some weird constituency like Fort Charlotte and NEVER been Prime Minister?

“Harvard graduate, humanitarian, Nobel prize winning gay supporter for Fort Charlotte: No Votes….No Votes!!”

Trump Embodies everything the majority of Bahamians believe in….he’s just a different color as is his fan base.

Just look at why Trump supporters said they were in full support of him. They kept saying…

“He tells it like it is…”

He wants stiff as shit immigration policies.

And no has little to no respect for women or their rights let alone their assets more than Trump except maybe this crew.

…Where’s the lie?

Trump is what would happen if Perry Christie and Hubert Ingram had a baby on (one of) Brent Symonettes yachts.

Sure they may sugar coat shit and act as if they aren’t as bad but the facts are there. We’re a backwards ass country with leadership that was in cruise control for far too long.

This was a huge deal for about 10 minutes until we got distracted by Bamboo Shack making cracked chicken burgers because niggas. (No but those burgers are legit tho)

Our memory spans are as short as Trumps fingers. We’re no better than his supporters who, he literally said this about…

How is that different from Perry Christie saying …

To be honest I respect Trump more than half of our leaders because at least he had the balls to stand and debate someone smarter than him.

Oh…do not misunderstand me….he lost every single debate. But he showed up.

Can you imagine a Bahamian Political debate?

“I heard what the MP said concerning the state of education and to that I say, unequivocally, Ya ma have a D average. Final answer. “

Also, say what you like about the man but he at least attempts the incomprehensibly asinine shit he promises.

We all knew the wall was dumb. HE knew the wall was dumb and yet he hired actual humans to check to see just how dumb it was.

That takes panache.

Bahamar just opened so as far as our politicians are concerned their job is done. Don’t get gassed: The only reason to go to Bahamar is Swimming Pigs, beloved.

“We didn’t know if you were open or not because there were actual tumble weeds in the casino area.”

To be clear, I know Bahamians would not have voted for the actual Donald Trump.

I feel like I need to clarify this.

I’m just saying if Trump was black and from North Andros saying the exact same shit that white Trump is saying then he would win….in a landslide. He checks all the boxes of pretty much all of our politicians. But at least he did it with a platform….will someone please tell me what Minnis ran on beyond “The Peoples time”?

I’m not saying change wasn’t needed….I’m asking what his stance was on governance beyond “Lets lock up everyone that used to juice my girl in high school”.

I know I used this pic already but seriously, he doesn’t look like he’s in your girls DM’s as we speak? #StayWoke

I love my people….honestly I do. I think I can honestly say that a Charlottesville would not have happened in the Bahamas. We may knock down an ex or an enemy but not a group of people. One thing ’bout niggas….we don’t mass murder.

We’re a simple people: We like our chicken, we like out liquor and we don’t kill arbitrarily. #ItsBetterInTheBahamas

And I think that’s where our comfort lies.

We lay in our beds and scoff at the TV, resting easy thinking we’re better because “that’s not us” and “that wouldn’t happen here”. But what IS happening here is just as detrimental. We have 0 accountability for leaders because we’re easily distracted.

And that’s not judgement….I’m the same as you. I really wanna care about the BPL firings and who Minnis locked up this week but this Cardi B song is so spiritual to me.

I’m not kidding. She said “Bloody shoes” and stole my sole (Pun intended)

We have to take a look in the mirror, Bahamas.

I don’t like politics nor do I like talking about it. I’m too dumb to write a think piece and don’t give a shit enough to plan a march. I don’t believe in waking up for anything on a Saturday that doesn’t involve sex or stew conch cause y’all love to be on the road at 5am to march for things that could be marched for at 11am.

Y’all know y’all can march for Polio or whatever the fuck at like 11am too right? #LetPeopleSleep #ItsSatdeeBey

But what I do love is this country and if we plan on taking it to the next level we have to take a good hard look at ourselves. It is not ok that this is our reality and that a madman like Trump would fit in quite cozily with our political elite. And, lets be honest….Dr. Minnis has a good chance of Trumping this up. I wish to God he doesn’t but the whole “I’m not a career politician” thing is not panning out well for America. After he’s done locking up….well, everyone, it’ll be interesting to see where this all goes.

And yes, “Why you checking for America…focus on Nassau!!” person in the comments, what happens in America effects us so we 100% need to care about their politics. If they screw this up then our #1 industry will collapse and Nassau will ironically be as empty as Bahamar is now.

I have no funny ending for this because life is scary right now. Nuclear tensions, rampant terrorism/racism….and, for some reason, you all ignored what I said above that hot patty prices are skyrocketing….that is not ok.

I know it’s the peoples time but $2.09 for a patty, Hubert? #FixItJesus/BrentSymonette.

 

Keep your eyes north of the wall and take care.

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