by TAIGE

Coach Sebennine is no more. 

First off let’s begin the ceremony with a moment of silence for Jeff Fisher and his never-ending mediocrity.

Image result for jeff fisher ramsIt finally happened. after going 31-45 over a 5 year period, Jeff Fisher’s time with the Rams is no more.

The Rams’ record under Fisher was not only mediocre, it was consistently mediocre. In each of his seasons with the team he lead the team to a 7-9 record except for in 2014 when he went 6-10.  To coach a team that was so consistently “meh” at least fisher had the wherewithal to provide us with a number of hilarious moments. And I don’t mean moments when he displayed any measure of self-awareness in the  course of making us laugh, I mean moments when he unwittingly made a complete buffoon of himself (it’s always more funny when the person making the joke doesn’t understand what they’re doing).

Moments like when he trolled the Washington football team with all the picks they got in the lopsided trade for Robert Griffin III trade despite the fact that he only 5-7 up to that point in the season with those vaunted picks and that team would go on to finish 6-10.

Then there was this scene in NFL reality show “Hard Knocks” where Fisher berates  player Deon Long before he cuts him for bringing a girl into the dorms during training camp.  Hilariously enough Jeff says that Long’s actions were that of a 7-9 team and he’s not going 7-9 because somehow he forgot that he’s Jeff Fisher, the personification of going 7-9.

Jeff Fisher engaged in all the dumb theatrics but that did him in was the bizarre beef he got into with LA Rams Hall Of Fame running back Eric Dickerson.  The whole thing is too complicated for me to really explain so I’ll just leave a link to it here.

What actually did Jeff Fisher in was the fact that his teams sucked every year.  The game won’t miss Jeff Fisher and his middling brand of football but for people like me who love jokes the game is worse for not having Jeff “Sebnnine” Fisher.

Jim Harbaugh denies he’s going after the LA Rams Job, ends up sounding like Tupac and blaxploitation at the same damn time.

Image result for Jim Harbaugh jive turkey

Speaking of people who are good for all of the jokes, full-time  crazy person, part-time University of Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh responded to rumors that he was next in line for the Los Angeles Rams coaching job.  He said that the Rams rumors were “lies made up by our enemies”, because if there’s anyone is down to ride on their enemies, it’s Captain Comeback.

Harbaugh then took the laughs to a whole different level when he proceeded to call the University of Michigan’s “enemies” a bunch of “jive turkeys” because he definitely knew we would go on YouTube and look up that scene in “Semi Pro” because it was absolutely hilarious.

I have so many questions about Harbaugh’s comments:

Is his agent one of these “enemies”?

Because the only person who gains from putting a rumor about Harbaugh going to the Rams out there is Harbaugh.  Leaking rumors of this sort is a constant ploy used by agents to coax a raise out of employers using the potential of their clients’ departure as leverage.

Does Harbaugh listen to Tupac?

I wanted to include this question as sort of a joke, but then I googled it and Jim Harbaugh absolutely listens to Tupac.  This all makes sense now.

Is he trying to revive colloquial use of the phrase “Jive Turkey”?

Because I definitely am here for it. I’m calling someone a “Jive Turkey” in every article I write from here on out.

Lane Kiffin took a pay cut to get a promotion

Image result for lane Kiffin FAU

I mean, guessing from the switch in titles it’s a promotion, but I’m not sure going from University of Alabama offensive coordinator to Florida Atlantic University head coach is really a promotion.

I do know that Kiffin went from making $1.4 million annually at Alabama to be the guy that Nick Saban yells at for giving up a touchdown up 30 in a blowout because Saban is a jive turkey that way (I already started).

We already talked last week about Charlie Strong taking a $4 million pay cut to get a job at USF, now Kiffin finds himself in a similar scenario, but giving up way less money. Like Strong, Kiffin took some head coaching jobs that weren’t good fits for him (and it can be argued that Kiffin maybe wasn’t ready to be a head coach yet).  Like Strong, Kiffin has a chance to prove his coaching chops in Florida, the state that produces the most elite college football players in the country.

If Kiffin can manage to turn FAU’s program around he will be the head coach of a big-time school in short order.

Whether or not he succeeds is entirely on him.

Minnesota players pick the wrong hill to die on then recant quickly.

Image result for Minnesota holiday bowl boycott

Last week it was announced that players from the University of Minnesota’s Football team would be boycotting the Holiday Bowl, which the team was scheduled to play in on December 27th in San Diego in protest of the suspensions of 10 of their teammates who were being investigated for participating in an alleged gang rape.

The team quickly recanted, resuming preparations for the Holiday bowl, presumably because they like having scholarships.

I understand making a principled stance on behalf of your teammates and having their back through adversity, but I don’t think this is the scenario for that.

And no, I don’t know if these young men committed the crime that they were alleged to have committed, but I also don’t know if they’re innocent, I don’t know anything about this case. But I’m not about to make any grand declarations about what happened because I don’t know what happened in this case.

I do know that if it comes out that these players did indeed participate in a gang rape it wouldn’t be a good look to be someone who risked their scholarship and playing career defending them.

Maybe their teammates should sit this one out.

Malik Monk goes off

Image result for Malik Monk Kentucky

  Malik Monk put on an absolute performance scoring 47 points against the University of North Carolina on 18 of 28 shooting hitting 8 of 12 three pointers, setting a Kentucky Freshman record in the process.

I think that there’s a chance that he may, perhaps, go to the NBA one day.

Bernard Hopkins gets “knocked the f#$k out”….literally.

I don’t know anything about boxing but look at this shit.

Bernard Hopkins got knocked out….. literally….. of the ring.

Wow.

The NBA agreed on a CBA. That was anticlimactic.

Image result for chris paul nbpa

The NBA agreed to a new collective bargaining agreement last Wednesday for the next 7 years.

I would go into details about it but after hearing about how oppressive Lebron James thought max contracts and salary caps were and how it was utterly un-American to prevent high school kids from getting a job in the NBA if they were good enough, I really thought the union and the league would have it out this time.

They didn’t.
They agreed to some dumb shit called the Kevin Love rule, where every team gets to give some fat white guy from UCLA a billion dollars or whatever.

The socialist in me is offended because we need max contracts to get the fuck up outta there.

Owners are allowed to recoup the value of their teams fully, the players should be able to recoup their full value as well. Nobody tries to limit the amount money doctors lawyers or bankers can make annually, why are NBA players treated differently?

Athlete who is really good at sports: Russell Westbrook.

Rusty Westbrook humiliated the entire Phoenix Suns last night.

That wasn’t just a Shamgod, that was a Shamgod on steroids because Russell fucking Westbrook doesn’t half-ass anything.

Russell goddamn Westbrook is averaging a triple double on the season putting up 30 points, 10 rebounds and 11 assists this season because Russell motherfucking Westbrook don’t give a shit about shit except going out there and ballin.

Russell Westbrook is an athlete who is really good at sports.

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