7 Things Bahamian Men Need to Stop Doing (Immediately)

By Drew

No first verse. Just bars.

Stop. Likin. Man.

…do I need to continue or y’all get it?

Y’all don’t get it.


First off I don’t mean don’t actually be gay. No.

In fact, I wish some of y’all niggas would just come out the closet. But, for the record, this is gay….

Above: Gay niggas

…and this is likin man….

Above: A nigga likin man

Get it?


When did we stop being men? When did we stop opening doors and start rowin with gals on Facebook and Twitter? That’s the flex now? Arguing with women about gal shit? I knew we were heading down the wrong path when niggas were upset about that Megan and Cardi B song.

Cardi said…

“I don’t cook, I don’t clean…But let me tell you, I got this ring” – Cardi “I think being louder than my husband means I’m winning the argument” B

Niggas heard that and went straight to facebook to air women out (they think)….


I heard the Cardi bar and my exact reaction was….

“…I mean….ok…wild…bey now my mouth watering for some reason” – me #WAP #SlurpTillYaBurp

From you could row all day with women on the internet, writing epistles and in their business, I have to assume u ACTUALLY like man or some weird version of gayness that the gay community hasn’t tapped into yet. I know actual gay niggas who ain this chatty, bey. Even they lookin at y’all sideways.

“These straight Bahamian niggas really like man, bey”

Be better, bitch niggas.

Stop Lotioning These Gals

Remember when Cuba was Cuba? I’ve never been but I’ve heard the tales. I have acquaintances that have gone and they speak about days of yore as if they were old war vets….

“Oh yeah…lightskin, third world, spanish women as far as the eye could see! You could buy sexual intercourse from a woman for $2 and a sweet soda. We were kings!”

Know who single handedly boosted the Cuban economy and RUINED that memory? Lotionin ass niggas. Niggas went over there, fell in love with prostitutes, paid them quadruple the amount niggas usually paid off air and raised the cost of sex workers island wide. Had them women out there like….


Lotionin niggas did that.

Know how I know? THEY DO THAT SHIT HERE. We as men can NOT be mad at some of these women thinking they finer than they are or deserve to have a bill paid minutes after we meet them. This is NOT their fault at all. Shit, I’m jealous of them at this point.

Imagine if that shit was flipped….we would take FULL advantage…

“No, I meant what I said on whatsapp. All this good cock is yours but BPL threatening to cut my light off and ine know how I ga pay this bill so if you could spare it till Govt payday…….”

How you buying a gal lunch who texts you back every 13 hours? You fighting for your life in the dm’s but she ask you for a lobster and eagle finger snack from Graycliff and you, “On the way” ,my nigga? What part of the game is this? Then she runs into my broke ass with the same energy and now I’m the bitch.

“Andrew? Andrew Bain from 10thYearSeniors who is be writing them long ass articles? PFFFFFT Girl he BROOOOKKKKKEEEEE…..He could never SMELL this crabby you hear me?”

Y’all have ruined the game being simps. I’m not saying not to buy a deserving young lady that shows genuine interest in you a spicy fettuccine combo with a cold Switcha for the culture. Women who text back and genuinely on your run DESERVE fettucini always….

Every kiss begins with Kay and, in The Bahamas, every Fuck begins with F(ettuccini)

But why are you gassin a woman who is clearly not on your run?


Know When Women Ain On Ya Run, Bey

Will you niggas please stop harassing women? And, make no mistake, the way y’all text these gals is harassment. Shit, the way y’all TALK to these women is harassment. How you text her, “Morning Beautiful” 47 times since March of 2019 and think she on your run and then have the unmitigated gall to cockblock her? HOW?

“…Sherell? Sherell CUMberbatch? From Lizzy? Yeah bey me and her used to talk from time…..we is still talk actually no longer than this morning.” ,said a lying ass nigga…with his chest

…the conversation in question….

If “I really need to talk to Harrison bout my daddy issues” was a photo

Full transparency….the above photo was actually me harassing a young woman in 2011 who CLEARLY wasn’t on my run as evidenced by the fact she still hasn’t even READ the message to this day.

Yes, I too was a fuck nigga……IN 2011 THO. I had to learn that maybe that may not be the best way to pursue women. Its 2022 and women are flat out saying, “I’m not ready to date anyone at the moment” and y’all reaction is…..

“…bro she was telling me she didn’t like me so I stab her lil bit and now she REALLY won’t respond to my text….fuckin Nassau gals, bey!” #ThatsMurderBeloved

Understand its already scary enough being a woman on this island…..don’t make it scarier by more or less stalking them. Please in, white Jesus name: STOP.

Stop Lotionin Niggas

Let me get this straight: You at a rich nigga party that you went to empty handed and now you’re on the gram with bottles HE bought flashing them in HIS house and doin a whole photo shoot on HIS car? Thats…..thats what we doin as grown ass men?

And the caption is always get me.

“People will see you win and wonder why they losin. God and Lions don’t make mistakes, gals do.” #ThineMakeSense #UneHaveNoBGCSE #ThineYourCarTho

In all fairness I’m aware there is a double standard here. I know gals do this all the time. A woman could have 22 degrees of separation from the nigga who own the boat her friend of a friend of a cousin brought her on but if you let her tell it…..

“People want my story to end but God said no and kept reading #ReadThisBitches #Y’allDryButIStayWet” – gals

But they gals…..and gals by definition like boats, beloved. God forbid they a Freeport woman. Only thing Freeport women love more than the coke years in the 90’s is a good boat.

But we are not Freeport women. We are men, damn it! Act like you been here before. Go to the function, get ya selfie (if you must cause even y’all selfies is be suspect cause as a man why you holding this millionaire so tenderly?….but I digress) eat the free food, drink the free rum and vibe bey.

Thas all.

Stop Lying On Vagina

Maybe its just the way I was raised but before I was even getting pussy (which, to be clear, I still can’t get because I ogly) I was taught, “NEVER lie about having sex or being with a woman”. That was code. Up there with lean your seat back in a Honda always and Prince WIlliam is not a private school.

They get pool and think I won’t drain that bitch cause lowkey I jealous as shit but I must put them down because I refuse to cry in front of them they private school now LMAAAOOOOOOOOOOO

I’m confused as to when we got to a place where lying on the vag was accepted. I’ve literally had men cockblock me and blatantly lie. Then when I speak to the woman in question she now spilling the entirety of the tea and look how i know everything bout you now….

“Jimmy? JIMMMMMYYYY? Let me tell you bout that bitch nigga and how he beg me…BEG ME… to let him eat rib souse out my ass….grab my phone off the charger”

Now looka you. Looka me looking at you….

“You wanted to put lime in the crack of her ass like a tequila shot and wan me still hang with you? lol…wild”-me

There’s no shame in saying, “Nah bey….I tried talkin to her but she wasn’t on my run so try ya hand!”. Look how easy that was. You know how often I’ve had to say that?

Heen lie

Be as honest about your L’s as you are about your W’s, beloved.

Stop Thinking All These Women Are The Same

Bahamian women are not a monolith. They don’t all think the same, act the same, react the same and obviously don’t look the same. Well, except this shit….

Every single woman reading this looked at their knee and realized that yes you too have that weird scar that all women have and I NEED ANSWERS #WhatY’allIsBeDoinBey

Why y’all approaching a woman with 2 degrees, 1 child, 1 house (that she built) and 1 gram of fuck left in her with the same energy you used on a jungless you met under the bridge? Y’all…..y’all realize they not the same right? Y’all know that all women having vaginas does not mean they all respond to the same energy right?

For example:

This young lady(?) will probably be impressed by your car and job


This young queen’s response will be, “..ok, me too. So tell me something interesting about yourself.”

…leaving you niggas like…..


Beloved, women make up most of the workforce, most of the higher educated adults on this island and I promise they are not impressed with what they already have or know they can achieve. In fact, they sniffed out you were an asshole before you even walked over but they were praying to white jesus you would not be the fuckboy you clearly were and now here you are……on Facebook bitching about Bahamian women because she figured you out and kept it moving.

“See, same shit. These stupid bahamian gals dont deserve shit. Then when we marry one white foreigner they mad. Who mad stay mad!” #TellTheWholeStoryTho #NoOneIsMad

Any time I hear a nigga bad mouth Bahamian women and the dating scene I know exactly the type nigga he is. And, to be clear, I’m not saying the dating scene isn’t trash….it DEFINITELY is.

I’m trash and I’m writing this so imagine the niggas who disagree with all of the above I just wrote.

But the dating scene can be trash, you could be making poor choices in women and SOME Bahamian gals ain shit. ALL of that can simultaneously be true without the broadstroke of, “ALL Bahamian gals angry and stupid”. You gotta charge your failures to the game like a man….not like a Brady.

“Never lose like a Brady” – The False God Ricardo Wells’ words not mine.

Stop Not Protecting Bahamian Women

…that’s it. If I have to explain that then you’re the problem. Only one woman y’all ain have to worry bout on this road….

I protectin mine over here, beloved. Drink water and protect yours

Be safe tho