Ya, trust me I know:
The world is burning.
Gyms are still closed. Trump is ignoring facts and consequences like Minnis during, I assume, his landslide loss in 2022. It’s a wild year. Shit: Even one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is going through it as of late.
Things are tough and life isn’t easy for most of us. I would love to come on this platform and be political and wax poetic about just how bad it is right now but honestly I’m exhausted. Also I tend to write in the moment and I’ve been watching a lot of romantic comedies because that’s who I am as a person.
So, let’s get into how a lot of you niggas need to step up your game and normalize a few things within your relationships.
Let Her Talk
One of the most frustrating things a man has to deal with within a relationship is a woman who has a problem that she refuses to fix or doesn’t want you to help fix. Ladies, y’all need to understand that as men we grew up on Justice League, Batman: The Animated Series, Superman. We always wanna be the hero in your story. However, some lesser bitch ass niggas (Naldo/Dakarai) grew up on GI Joe.
Something they readily admit during the Trump era….
I have 4 sisters and a mother and if it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that they will TELL you if they want advice or need something fixed.
Ya just shut the fuck up. Its like boxing: Let them punch themselves tired and you just lean against the ropes until they inevitably fall asleep or ask for food. Try and have it ready if its possible.
I know it’s tiresome cause 9 times out of 10 the problem is 100% fixable with sound logic and common sense but this is no time for that. It’s time for letting her curse like a sailor about a person you don’t know, concerning a situation you have zero knowledge about, while she manifests emotions you have no idea how to compute.
Let her go through it, beloved.
Plus, theres a cheat code to this……
Small Gifts Make The Difference
Fun fact about me: I used to read Cosmopolitan Magazine. No, this is not where these topics come from. Trust me, I abhor what they have done to women and men and how they, very early on, pit us against each other. How you gonna be a woman writing about what turns ME on, beloved?
That was a wild time.
However, one thing they did get right was that women enjoy small gifts. And, listen, we are in a fucking pandemic. Niggas broke, Xmas comin…..shit is rough out here. If there was EVER a time to do small gifts its now. And I know what you’re thinking….tennis bracelet, sushi date….nah bro. Beloved take her lunch and surprise her with it.
Watch her face.
And I know that sounds cut and dry and almost too easy but it really is that easy. Not so much because she appreciates you, loves you or acknowledges your initiative….I mean it’s some of that but not really. Know why this shit works?
Cause niggas aint shit.
You heard me….I need to say it louder for the people in the back?
Bruh I have spoken to more women who never got flowers or a date from a nigga than I have women who were living a Tyler Perry wet dream honestly.
A lot of women on this island aren’t used to “good treatment”. And good treatment is just doing the little shit. If she likes Snickers and she’s having a bad day, drive your essential ass to On the Run and buy her a Snickers. If she likes cookies from (Insert whatever the fuck cookie place gals like here) then go get her a dozen. She bout to have that on the gram with some obnoxious caption like…
Do the little shit, king. Probably won’t cost you more than $20 unless you have one of these Birkin Bag Bitc-……ahem…..ladies. Then I can’t help you with that Daddy Warbucks.
Clean The House
I used to think that women were turned on by men with abs, niggas who can dance, or niggas who were lightskin with abs that could sing AND dance. Since that infamous car ride I realized maybe the tide was turning…
Know what turns a Bahamian woman on?
Lots and lots of money actually.
Why y’all lookin at me like that? What I say wrong?
Ya, she wants money….but ALSO to walk into her home and smell Festival.
God forbid you got the good purple festival.
Or pull the trinity on her: The good “I mop the floor” festival scent combined with a running washer and dryer and bleach/ajax wafting into her nostrils as she throws herself onto a made bed of clean sheets. Looka them….looka them reading this…
Y’all niggas be cheating then buying Yurman so she would act right. My nigga go home early one Friday, clean the house or fuck….if you got the money, call Ms Katherine and let her clean it quick. Stop to Syrah get one tapa small food wibe and you Gucci.
Y’all coulda been getting some quality sloppy blowjobs off mopping and doing dishes but y’all was sleep.
Eat Her Out In the Morning (Expecting Nothing in Return)
Sometimes in life you gotta wake a woman up with a ready tongue and firm thigh grip and eat her out to completion to maintain balance and clarity within the household.
Niggas be sneaky.
And by “niggas” I mean me, I am niggas. I’ve lied about the “I just wan eat it out honestly then we good” then try and sneak a lil penis in there because I selfish. I am not above saying I’ve been that nigga.
Sometimes you gotta put your needs and her legs aside and do it for the culture. I think a lot of times we men think women want penis all the time and I think there are some women like that for sure. But honestly the same way we would love to get our dick sucked with no reciprocation is the same way some women just wanna bust that one good nut from head on a Wednesday morning so she doesn’t stab “that bitch in HR”.
Y’all be sending these women to their work husband pent up, horny and frustrated then get mad when you call her at lunch and she on some…
Eat it in the AM. Take your time, really pay attention to detail, let her finish….then go wash your beard off like the legend you are. Talk shit even….assert dominance by speaking to her disrespectfully shortly after.
Queens deserve respect, admiration, loyalty…..and quality head during the wee hours on a weekday.
Gas Your Girl Up
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from gas station attendants and Indian con artists on Facebook, is that women love safe compliments.
There’s a difference between harassment and a well timed well placed compliment.
The wrong way….
Ya, no….maybe don’t do that.
The right way.
Notice her reaction is the exact same because gals. But in the first one she’s disgusted and afraid and in the second one she’s afraid mostly because Bahamian men, some of them, are creepy as fuck and possibly dangerous. But at least in the second one you’re being polite and possibly made her day.
Why you letting these niggas gas your girl and you aint, my nigga?
I have a theory that every woman needs their man to, in small moments, be their gay friend. Sometimes you gotta put the PS5 down when your girl is about to go out for a girls night and gas the fuck out of her like you gay fuck older gentleman to pay your bills sometimes.
Is it gay as fuck? Absolutely.
But that’s your girl, who cares?
Niggas will put flowers in their beards and have tea time with their daughters just to make them happy but you won’t, just for a couple minutes, compliment the fuck out your girl? Just to make her feel good? Ya its animated and yes you are absolutely running the fuck out. But, trust me, that will make her day/night. She’ll brag about that shit. And no you don’t have to do it as flamboyantly as I did. I watch a lot of Rupaul’s Drag Race pardon me.
I have an ex that loves to remind me, “You talk all this shit in these articles and yet you aint shit”. Which is a fair assessment honestly. I’m not saying I’m all of these things at one time. I’m saying I’ve done each of these things once and saw the result. It’s an accumulation of experiences not who I am every day. And I think that’s the point. The fucking energy you would have to put in to be this amazing of a boyfriend every day would be exhausting and honestly I would resent the woman I was with.
But you can do one thing a month, every two weeks etc.
The thing here is to try.
Again, I ain shit…..I’m as fucked up and retarded as the average guy please believe me. But a lot of times we know how to fix things and just…..don’t.
I’m just saying…..if we were to normalize a few of these then it won’t be a chore. It would be a pleasure. Normalization takes practice but my nigga if she’s worth it then….why not?
Be safe tho.