Million Man March, organized by Louis Farrakhan and The Nation of Islam. Washington DC, USA, October 16, 1995

All Bahamian Men Are F*ckboys (Ode To Vegeta)

By Drew

I’m no expert on women as I’m sure you can tell by the everything about me as a person. But if it’s one thing I would bet on its that all women have a notion in their head that they deserve or will have the ultimate romance at some point in their lives. Somewhere between Lifetime Xmas movies and Tyler Perry, women really think romantic shit will just happen regardless.

Women with edges like this don’t deserve romance or love and that’s the hill I’m willing to die on please don’t @ me

If you let fairytales tell it, Prince Charming is coming.

Comics? Superman will save you.

Movies? Some lightskin Christian nigga with abs is on his way to cut your grass AND that toxic nigga out of your life….in Jesus name….

What women think white Jesus will send


What Jesus actually sends #YesI’mTalkingAboutYou

Anime? Not so much. Anime kept it ALL the way 100. My nigga Vegeta never gave a shit.

Vegeta believed in equal rights before these fake woke feminists did but y’all aren’t ready for that eye opening discussion

In every genre of media women have been gassed into thinking true romance will come their way and I’m just here to let y’all know: ALL Bahamian men are Fuckboys…..and its time y’all accepted it.

I was speaking to an ex the other day and she was quick to tell me that I was indeed a fuckboy. Ofcourse I argued to the contrary but she was cast iron in her stance. She said we texted for 2 weeks, I invited her over, we made the sex, and then we didn’t start “really dating” until a few weeks later. Which left me like…

That’s…..thats all it takes to be a fuckboy?

The goalposts for being a fuckboy has been moved so many times I have no idea where it starts and where it ends. Some women say it’s a guy who wont commit after months of them hanging around. Some say it’s a man who takes you on a date and when he realizes he’s not gonna make sex with them they force them to pay half the bill. Shit…..I’ve heard women say if a guy is good looking or TOO pretty that he is guaranteed a fuckboy.

…annnnnnnnd that’s how you ended up with Captain Boungey Lips but I digress

Well ladies, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The bad news is the only non fuckboys on this island are probably gay niggas. Also, as I type this, I’m realizing the irony that the only niggas that aren’t fuckboys….fuck boys.

I know….I know….and they ain on y’all run either. #YaHateToSeeIt”

The good news is they took down that goddamn tree from rawsons square and hopefully putting up something with sense.

They ignored us concerning vat, crime, gay marriage, equal rights, peopdophilia, legalization of marijuana, BPL, Dorian etc… but when it came to this piece of shit tree….we did it….we were heard! #SmallVictories #JustKiddingEverythingIsTerribleAndWeGaDie


You were waiting for some Harrison Thompson-esque movitvational words that will lead you to Mr. Right who, you think, is adjacent to said fuckboys?

Lol….silly rabbit. You better snap out that dream, beloved.

We are ALL fuckboys.

Ask any of your married girlfriends how their now husbands were when they first met. Guaranteed 89.7% of them will say…..

“Girl! First of all I met him with some big cunny, dirty boungey gal name Jessica but I put a stop to that shit REAL quick….”

First of all understand that there are NO single Bahamian men.

Every Bahamian man that you think is cute, funny, employed etc has some vagina stored away somewhere that he will probably need to get rid of if he thinks you’re worth him getting rid of them. A lot of y’all are just chicks that didn’t make the cut but because women can’t handle rejection, instead of looking inwards and trying to figure out what about you is fucked up, you decided to take the lazy route and proclaim every nigga that didn’t wanna fuck with YOU was/is a fuckboy.

While y’all bellies are breaking down from these cold hard facts, here’s a gif of puppies being fucking adorable….hope this helps

Now, before the feminists get spicy because I’m trying to bring perspective to an ongoing issue, let me be super clear: At NO point do you or SHOULD you have to wait for a man to get his shit together. You deserve a man that’s going to know your worth and what you bring to the table upfront and treasure you accordingly.

You deserve the world, queen!

Don’t let niggas have you here like you the Senator for Mical when you know you’re a Lady Pindling.

She’s an MP…..this woman who has the reading aptitude of a conch burger with cheese, is an MP. If that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself then I don’t know what will. #ThePeoplesTime

So if you feel like you’re better than waiting for a nigga to come around to you then by all means, boo boo…..go find your king because you deserve!


Understand we had to do the same for y’all. Lets not pretend like half of you are JUST NOW coming around because that first marriage or long term relationship DIDN’T work out. Now you 28lbs heavier than 5 years and 2 relationships ago and I must cut my cuttas off immediately because “you’re ready?”

lol…..y’all wild.

“I….I wanted you 3 kids ago….I’m good being your friend tho. Don’t y’all love friendship and what not?”

And lets not pretend like y’all don’t have niggas y’all call for some quick dick. This isn’t 2001….its 2019. Women have JUST as many side niggas as we do now….ine forget. Women are out here dating and have dick on speed dial….and that’s awesome. I 100% support that.

Women should date and try as much dick as humanly possible because the more experience you get the better you are at it.

Sex. This quote is about sex

Every single woman I know has at least 2 niggas on call. Now, to be fair….once y’all find a dude you REALLY like then y’all are quick to cut niggas off. WAY faster than we are….I can concede that. What would take a woman a 2 minute voicenote and a quick block and delete, would take a man a month. Understand that to cut off your main cutter is a VERY hard decision.

Jack knows Mary is the woman of his dreams and he’s ready to commit and be in a stable committed relationship…..but BrendaLaquisha is just so incredibly nasty and that thing she does with her tongue is just… oh man! #LifeDecisions #WhoFeelsItKnows

So, ask yourself….is he being a fuckboy or does he need a minute to cut his cutters off?

Is he being a fuckboy or are you just not the woman he’s interested in?

Do you know the arrogance in that sentiment? The ego it takes to call a man a fuckboy because he wasn’t what YOU wanted when YOU wanted.

And don’t get it twisted…..we do the exact same thing. I’ve seen men get rejected and call women hoes and sluts. I’ve seen niggas lie on pussy just so other niggas wouldn’t have a chance. Shit….I’ve been apart of several scenarios like that… are just as guilty of this sin as women.

Heres the problem….those niggas are the ACTUAL fuckboys.

But when you broadstroke all of us into the same painting you end up jaded. Only reason why men aren’t jaded to the point of having a generalized term for women like “fuckboy” is because of one simple fact: We can take rejection….y’all cant

Every man reading this has been rejected in some way shape or form at least once a day. We get rejected without even being on y’all run half the time.

Niggas: “Good morning….I love your tattoo”


“Good Morning HeadKnowles….I would like the number for the gas station on JFK because I was told by a man that he loves my tattoo and I shouldn’t have to be privy to his opinion OR his advances. I am sick and tired of men thinking….”

Meanwhile, the nigga she thought was on her run..….

“Some weird looking chick came in the gas station today but she had this sick tattoo I think you should get!” #PlotTwist

Are some men assholes and prey on unsuspecting women?


Are ALL men assholes that prey on unsuspecting women?


And lets keep this 100….we don’t have the privilege of calling y’all out the way y’all do. Imagine me going on facebook on some….

“Walked into work and a coworker goes “Nice shoulders, big guy!” I am so tired of being a piece of meat to women that want me more for my breathtaking shoulder game and not for my God given intelligence! In this too long facebook post I will attempt to play victim to…..”

Weirdly enough, the only chicks on on social media crying about men they cant find or fuckboys are typically not cute women.

Yes I know you have your Masters in something I cant pronounce. Yes I know you are the CEO of a company I don’t know. And yes, queen…..I know you think you deserve the world because you have (insert accomplishment here that you think makes you attractive somehow).

God bless you, queen.

But….and this may be an insane notion…..maybe you ogly?

And not to like….the earth….but maybe to him. Same way y’all turn your nose up to this guy….

…and this nigga actually has money

…why do we HAVE to think this chick is “beautiful” and date her on the strength of “girl power” or else we’re “fuckboys”?

You can be pro-darkskin and still want….you know….someone pretty #WeightLossDontCureOgly #BlameKenu #SheShouldaAskMissyElliott

Or not just ogly….maybe you’re gorgeous and just miserable/annoying. I know a lot of ogly girls who think they are worthy of Michael B Jordan and I know a lot of Pretty women that are miserable and objectively annoying but scream “fuckboy” at the top of their lungs when they keep getting rejected or niggas just ghost them.

Do you know how annoying you have to be to look good and a goddamn Nassau nigga still won’t mess with you?

Ya….THIS annoying (Google “Amanda Seales” to learn how to make a mans dick escape into his pelvis)

Meanwhile, months later while she still single and the guy who she called a “fuckboy” is in a stable happy relationship…

“Oh I met this chick who said she knew you….told me you were a fuckboy and would never commit….then I showed that bitch my ring…lmao!! #MaybeYou’reTheProblem”

This article is a bit harsh and its meant to be so because I think someone has to snap y’all out of dreamland somehow. Finding the right person is NOT easy.

Shit….you may have found the right person but they may not be ready yet and that’s ok. But it works both ways. A lot of women weren’t ready for their blessing when it was handed to them on a plate and they made the choice to seek love elsewhere….nothing wrong with that. We’ve all made those mistakes at 2am after Bambu, drunk and in imperials not texting the person who really loves us while texting the easiest person to fuck tonight.

“I like Frank but he is gonna wanna talk about my emotions and get to know me as a person but I just want a thigh snack with heavy onions and some non-committal penis right now! “#DecisionsDecisions”

Leonard Cohen, one of my favorite artists said famously, “Love is not a victory march: It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah”

Love….at least getting to love, isn’t easy. Its not meant to be. Nothing worth having is easy. No I’m not saying to suffer for months through some bullshit with a fucked up nigga who is clearly not on your run. And, no, I am not advocating for ANY woman to be strung along for a indefinite amount of time while supporting a nigga that won’t commit to her.

Nope….thats bullshit and you deserve better.

All I’m saying is every man is programmed to fuck, eat and sleep… is never really the plan until some of us realize it before its too late. EVERY Bahamian man when you meet them will inevitably be some semblance of a fuckboy by your definition.

Vegeta was.

You saw the first clip I put up. He was the most powerful fuckboy on the planet. But the right woman came along and he realized he had to let that shit go.  I’m just saying that supposed fuckboy on Monday…..

….could be the nigga worth your time on Friday.

But don’t mind me, beloved: I used to eat fried sausage sandwich’s (editor pause) with butter and mustard so what do I know.

Be safe tho