The Bahamas Does Not Need The Christian Council (And Never Did)

By Drew

10th Year Seniors is a very weird group of guys and gals. Javon and Alexis are staunch Christians. Like….they REALLY love white Jesus. Dakarai, Naldo, and the false god Ricardo Wells pretty much go to church when there’s a wedding, funeral or when their mothers catch them slipping. Taige is an atheist. Shonny believes in Magic and Ashleigh is, I assume, a devil worshipper.

She once said McDonalds nuggets are trash. So…ya….Devil worshipper

We are all over the place. What I love about us is that there is no judgement. We all get along and its all love.

Me? I’m agnostic.

Agnostic more or less means I don’t know if God exists but I’m also not about to rule it out. I believe there is something bigger than all of us but, lets be honest….the bible has a lot of contradictions.

“So Solomon had 100 wives but I gotta marry only one gal cause y’all wan hate on a real playa? #LemmeHaveAtLeast3”

Carnival came and went and with it the Christian Council decided it was high time they address what they think is a major issue. So….I decided to address what I think is a major issue….the existence of the Christian Council.

This was the time, bro?

Lol…let me get this straight. A number house buried a young man for a family unable to. Crime is rampant… Rape is up and we have a real human rapist out there…ya know….raping. Pedophilia is literally all over. VAT is up and people are pulling old ribs out of foodstore garbage cans.

Christian Councils thoughts?

They have not said a single word.

In fact you almost forget THERE IS a Christian council until some grown man kisses another grown man in the privacy of their homes cause then its..

How the Christian Council sleeps when there are 4 murders in 24hours

…to this….

“Is this the tribune? I wrote 5,000 words about this gay dream I had last night about our choir director that I probably need therapy for sissies! I need it published!”

Understand me, Christian Council (CC)….I’m not mad at your stance on the issues. You’re entitled to your beliefs. I mean that sincerely. I grew up in the church and I sang in every choir. The Bible CLEARLY states that homosexuality is a sin and an abomination.

That is a fact….its written right there for everyone to see.

Know whats some other sins tho? Eating shrimp, premarital sex, tattoos, wearing jewellery, braiding your hair, eating pork, getting married AFTER getting divorced, women speaking in church (1 Corinthians 14:34…yes thats a real thing)..….

Those above are fact….they’re written right there for everyone to see.

Some of y’all church picnics alone are a cess pool of sinners if we’re nitpicking sins out the bible.

“Oh this shrimp alfredo and hooved animal pasta is divine. I love your exposed arms and visible jewellery.  Is that a new tattoo? “

Now I know the argument: “A lot of that is from the old testament”.


So y’all stopped preaching from it since it’s irrelevant or nah? Cause I’m STILL waiting for y’all to address Songs of Solomon which, lets be honest, is a 10 chapter orgy smack dab in the middle of the bible…..ine forget.

“Turn to Songs of Solomon Chapter 2 vs 17….daddys gonna explain, at length, how you got here based on this lit Bible porn. #FindTheLie”

Keep that same energy y’all have for Carnival and the gays for the OTHER sins.

I wanna see think pieces on the tattoo/piercing craze.

I wanna see the CC on ENEWS barking at the police for not doing enough about crime and rape.

I wanna see y’all walk the streets (the way you did for the number houses, remember?)  and yell at the government about the VAT increase and how it’s effecting your parishioners.

Every time one of you is caught slipping with a sweetheart, young girl OR young man, I want the CC to put out a press release denouncing them and calling them out for their salacious sinful acts.

Cause if not then what are y’all even doing? What do y’all meetings even look like?

“Ok so on the agenda today: Get RuPauls Drag race off cable, is Vitamalt too sexual as a beverage and should we make going to the beach illegal because it seems like too much fun?!”

You know you’re old and useless when you’re making the “clothing causes rape” argument.

Beloved I lusted after the carnival goers with the same energy I lust after fully clothed women in yoga pants the same way I lust after muslim chicks with the fabric on their heads.

I know y’all busy thinking about men having sex but, bro….I’m a man. EVERYTHING on a woman is sexy to me.

“Yo I can tell by her cornea she sexy as hell. What them eyes do, boo?”

Know why I haven’t raped anyone yet?

Because my mother didn’t raise a rapist.

That’s it.

The end.

I’m not saying a lot of the carnival goers weren’t scantily clad. Some of them were 90% naked.

STILL no excuse for rape.

But y’all decided it was a must you blame women for an act men commit? That’s like me punching one of you in the face because I really hate organisations with pedophilia problems.

Actual picture of priests/pastors when you bring up their RAMPANT ISSUES WITH PEDOPHILIA!!

And this is the hill you chose to die on?


And if its so bad, if its so wrong and disgusting…..why post women you don’t know, participating in an event you apparently abhor on your, I’m sure, more than sanctified Facebook timeline?

There was legit a minister that posted a pic of a female Carnival goer with the caption, “May God have mercy on the Bahamas”.

“Alrighty, got my lotion… where did I put that pic of that dirty sexy sinner??….”

You know it’s bad when the super Christian of 10th Year Seniors calls you out on it….

The post hits different when you realise it’s written by a God fearing family man don’t it? #whewChile

So for all these reasons, CC…..we don’t need you.

See, you were relevant at a time when our parents were our age. They were enjoying a great economy, their parents were almost cult like with religion and, frankly, you had your foot on the neck of society.

Back then even weave was almost a sin…

“Girl I hear she have OPH….sheen saved” – If you know what OPH is congratulations you’re old

But now?

Bro….we have technology, google and cell phones. We see y’all for what you are.

Back in the day we only had ZNS, satellite and AM 1240… our parents were easy to control. Easier to manipulate.

Now, in my phone, I have a video of a Bahamian pastor giving a handjob to a woman (who wasn’t his wife) on his office table. Every other month some pastor is found out to be in some side relationship with some man or woman. And y’all are still collecting tithes from poor people to finance your delinquent children’s boarding/private school education while half of your members can’t pay their light bills but 10% tho…right?

“Now I know 5 people in here tonight have $100 in their pockets for me to pay this car note for my new Benz that you sheep financed while you walk home Jesus”

We see you.

The jig is up.

Now, to be fair, I think you are useless as a group.

As individuals I don’t know any of you. I assume you have church homes and people that love and appreciate you. I’m sure you’re adored and embraced by your respective communities.

I truly believe the church is one of the biggest and best organisations when it comes to morality, spiritual upliftment and…for some (not all) a benefit to their surrounding areas. Feeding the poor, giving shelter etc.

I can concede that I go to gospel music when I need my spirit lifted and theres nothing like some Joel Osteen to make you feel like you can do ALL things through Christ.

…except, you know….giving shelter to hurricane victims.

But as a group?

You’re useless.

That sounds harsh but its true. You bring nothing to the table.

Beloved, y’all review movies and tell grown adults if they can watch them or not.

Imagine I go to Fusion, watch Endgame, and then decide Thanos has too many radical messages for young people. I then close the door, lock it and REFUSE to let ANYONE in the theatre.


But y’all let these old men tell you that Harry Potter cant come to Nassau because of witchcraft? That’s the argument?

Y’all tried to get rid of BET on cable…..ine forget. But now we have the internet, porn is free and Love and Hip Hop exists…..what now?

Whats the plan?

Cancel the internet, cancel…what….ALL cable channels and we just twiddle our thumbs until Sunday service?

“Since the Christian Council got rid of cable, the internet, short skirts, bras, thongs, condoms, fun, and general happiness….Cecile and I are on our 23rd kid. Nothing else to do so….”

You never evolved with the times. You never tried to be better. You never listened to the people. You followed the same agenda put in place from whenever you were created and just stuck to a script that never aged well and was archaic even for IT’S time.

Did any of y’all read the comments under ANY carnival post that was put on social media? The tides have turned. We are not our parents.

We will come to church. We believe in God. We will pay our tithes even though theres NO written reason to….we’ll give you that bly.

But we wont bow down….not to you.

God will judge me for my tattoos, premarital sex, language, lying, cheating, believing Sansa is the one true Queen of Winterfell, gluttony….etc. That’s Gods job and he knows my heart.

“You my boy Drew but….2,000 words on the Christian Council my nigga? You know they inside here mad right?”

Your job is not to judge us.

Your job is not to put 10th Year Senior extended family, Dyaria, on blast like she isn’t a child of God.

In case you missed it…..this happened…

Couldn’t see the actual “Vulgar” picture? I got you.

Pictured above: “Vulgarity” #OnlySinHereIsThisBedazzledFannypack

…to which Dyari was like…

Maybe we need to start a new Christian council. One with men younger than 80 who don’t need help using “the whatsapp”.

I volunteer Godly men/women like Alexis Burrows, Javon Forbes, JD Stewart, Kovan Strachan, Jaton Johnson, Samwell Tarly, Ian Stewart.

I don’t choose them because they are friends. I choose them because they see the best in me and others LIKE me with no judgement. I curse, drink…do it all. Never once have they judged me, looked down on me or pushed me away. They accepted me for me and I them. These are people that walk it like they talk it. And with all that….I know that if I was to EVER ask one of them to attend their church home they would welcome me with open arms.

Ok, Alexis….not this Sunday. I’m hungover….relax, fam

Gospel singer, Marvin Sapp, has a song I love…its called “The best in Me”. One part of it says,

“He is mine
I am his
It doesn’t matter what I did
He only sees me for who I am”

I tear up every time I hear that song. That level of acceptance. The audacity of grace, mercy and understanding.

What a blessing it is to know that there is a God that looks at this shattered broken thing that I am and still sees the best in me with no judgment or agenda.

I’m glad to know God only sees me for who I am. I’m glad he doesn’t think women are raped due to their clothes, carnival goers are worthy of hell for having consensual fun, or that gay men and women are unworthy to be treated as equals.

…if only we could get the Christian Council on the same page as the God whose name they collect tithes for….what a country we could be!!

Be safe tho.