#TallTakes: Father of The Year

Lavar Ball is the greatest. 

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Lavar Ball, father of UCLA point guard and top NBA prospect Lonzo Ball and high school prospects LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball refuses to not believe in his kids, and it’s entertaining as hell.

Ball’s bravado has earned the ire of great NFL player turned awful commentator Charles Barkley more or less called Ball stupid, ball, who gives negative shits about what a hack like Charles Barkley has to say, responded with a simple “get like me”.

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If Charles thought like me, maybe he’d win a championship

Ball followed up on his clapback by calling out the NCAA on its hypocrisy when it comes to exploiting student-athletes.

But the coup-de-grace came this week when Ball declared that he was looking for a billion dollar shoe deal for his sons, two out of three of whom are still in high school.

People see Ball as a kook who talks too much and may be killing his sons’ changes of having successful careers before they even begin, but I’d like to put him up there with Richard Williams and Earl Woods in the pantheon of sports dads.

Like Williams and Woods he has a vision that sees his children getting the most out of their potential, like them, he intends to have a system that cannibalizes athletes to bow completely at his mercy, and like Williams and Woods, his children may have the talent to do it.

Lavar has the vision and he may have the savvy, the only thing left for his world takeover to be complete would be for the Ball brothers to, well, ball.

Russell and Ciara Wilson thought this was a good idea for some reason. 

Last week Superbowl winning quarterback Russell Wilson had a maternity photo shoot with his pregnant wife Ciara and Stepson, Future. Things got weird.

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I’m not blaming Russ entirely for this because when it comes down to it you’re going to whatever crazy shit your wife wants, especially when she’s all hormonal and pregnant, but situations like these are why we acquiesce to our significant others so much.

I don’t mean to go all Andrew on you and talk relationships, but I feel like I know a little about these things seeing as I’ve been in a relationship for a long ass time and I’ve found myself doing mostly inconsequential stuff that I don’t really want to do. You know why? Because building capital, that’s why.

I know the day will come when I’m going to be asked to do something I really don’t want to do, and I’ll have to say “no”.

Ciara and her Husband’s pregnancy pics is precisely one of those occasions that you build up relationship sweat-equity for, just so you could say “this is a stupid idea and I’m not doing this”.

Russ is on his second marriage, he should know these things.


The New York Giants sign Brandon Marshall

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My New York Giants signed former New York Jets receiver Brandon Marshall to a two year $11 million contract.  I don’t know how to feel about it.

On one hand, Brandon Marshall is a big target who can divert a defense’s attention away from superstar deep threat Odell Beckham and promising sophomore Sterling Shepherd, on the other time the last time the 32 year old wide receiver played in a playoff game he was in high school.

On one hand he was coming off his worst season in terms of catches, yards and touchdowns since his rookie year, but on the other hand he had Ryan Fitzpatrick, Bryce Petty and Christian Hackenberg throwing the ball to him.

On one hand it seems like a hustling backwards move to cut Victor Cruz and then sign an older receiver but on the other hand Marshall is infinitely bigger and stronger, less injury riddled and more consistently able to stay on the field.

While a lot of Giants pundits seem excited about the signing, and it is a great signing on paper, I feel cautiously optimistic.

The verdict is still out on this one.

Nick Young is never, not getting robbed.

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Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Nick Young was reportedly robbed last week when bandits made off with $500,000 worth of jewelry and money by taking his entire safe.

Young is apparently the guy to rob in LA. In 2014 thieves broke into the house he lived in at the time and made off with $100,000 in jewelry and his beloved Nike Yeezy Red Octobers.

Maybe it’s just me, but if I was rich and famous enough to even be in position to get robbed for six figures once it wouldn’t happen again, I don’t care if I had to place armed guards, security cameras, infrared sensors, scary ass German Shepherds or Sharks with frickin lasers on their backs.

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Nick Young didn’t because he’s the NBA version of “Red” from Friday.

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The Washington football team and their staff keep pioneering in the field of assholery

 It’s a veritable race to the bottom for the staff of the Washington football team, and this week they did what they always do: found innovatively new ways to be shitty people.

Washington General Manager Scot McCloughan was conspicuously absent during the NFL rookie scouting combine, it may have a ploy to try to get this dysfunctional mess of a team to fire him (Snyder is famous for forcing resignations out of coaches and executives so that the team doesn’t have to pay them), but McCloughan wasn’t acquiescing to Snyder’s games. What happened next was a classic Snyder scumbag move.

They fired McCloughan and ran a smear campaign against him. McCloughan is a recovering alcoholic and when the team fired him, they leaked “anonymous” tips to the press that hinted at McCloughan being fired because of a relapse, a claim to which there is no supporting evidence.

The relapse theory was started by former Washington player, current company man Chris Cooley, who brought it up on his radio show.  Cooley is an employee of the team and the radio station that his show comes on is owned by the team.   The claim was repeated by a chorus of Washington executives and talking heads, but refuted by players.

This is low, even for people who own a team named after a racial slur used to refer to genocide victims.  Time after time the Snyder shows what a terrible executive and person he is Smear campaigns against departed players and executives are really common in the NFL, but exploiting a man’s very public struggles with substance abuse out of spite because you couldn’t force him to resign makes you a special kind of evil.

Fuck Daniel Snyder.

Athlete who is really good at sports:

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This past weekend James Harden lead his Houston Rockets to an improbable 117-112 victory over best player in the league Lebron James and his Cleveland Cavaliers.

Harden Scored 38 points, 11 rebounds and 11 assists.

Their second highest scorer was power forward Ryan Anderson with 16.

Their second highest rebounder was Trevor Ariza with 8

James Harden is a bad man.
James Harden is an athlete who is really good at sports.