In continuation of Andrew’s  insight into he mind of cheating men, he brings you part two of “Why Men Cheat”. To read part 1 click here.


He cheated and you’re not over it….so he cheats some more

Ladies understand that when we first met you we weren’t thinking anything beyond “I can’t wait to hit that”. You saw I used “you’re” correctly in a sentence and decided you were gonna marry me. I hit it and my next thought is “I wonder what time McDonald’s closes?” Your next thought is “I wonder how our kids would look and is he for or against Anglican schools?”

Suffice to say you were ready for a relationship way earlier than we were. Usually a lot of cheating happens very early on in relationships because the guy is still in “single guy” mode and hasn’t adjusted to the domesticated life. Women need to realize that you have to usher men back into the domesticated arena after you take him out of the jungle. He’s already used to hunting for his food so when he’s being fed tuna casserole he still has that inkling for gazelle.

That’s science at work. This is normally when women try to lock men down with the “what are we doing?” question that men love so much.

Just kidding, this is us in our heads when you say that

Just kidding, this is us in our heads when you say that

Some women get lucky and find themselves an already domesticated man, good for them. But some women hunt and take down an actual jungle cat and are delusional to the fact that it’s gonna take a minute to tame this beast or, to their dismay, that they can’t.

What happens? Early on he does what he knows how to do: have sex with other women (or whatever variation of cheating you want to apply to this scenario). Now you have a decision to make: stay or leave. I’m addressing the women that decide to stay and for years after keep accusing their men of cheating. Now let’s follow the hypothetical: You took a lion out of the jungle, fed it, tried to domesticate it, caught it eating wild game, decided to keep it anyway and your solution to further domesticating this beast is to keep reminding it of how wild it used to be and the freedom it used to have?

You think putting a lion in a cage of your own design and poking it with your judgement stick is gonna make it want to stay? That makes sense to you? Why not show him how good he has it now and how you have the best “meat” ever assuring him he doesn’t have to hunt anymore because it’s all at home. If you keep reminding him of the animal he was he’s gonna say “Fuck it she already thinks I’m this way so I’ll just be that then.” To make matters worse, there are guys genuinely trying to shed their wild ways but they’re just rough around the edges.  Their girlfriends push them until they finally shed the cardigans and crocs and run back into the jungle. Now if you let these women tell it “once a cheater always a cheater”. They’ll never look at themselves and realize they had a part to play. They’ll go read another book, let their friends gas them, decide they are dating the wrong gender…whatever makes it not their fault.

He Starts Making Money

If Tiger Woods was a good guy working as a Manager at McDonald’s I think he would have found love, gotten married and bore really toothy kids with some semi-attractive woman. That $500 a week check would be just enough for him, his wife and his saber-toothed offspring to live a comfortable enough life. Oh the odd employee may want to blow him for some overtime or the odd friend of said wife may find his “good guy” persona to be sexy and wanna give him a feel but those are easy distractions to ignore.

Now, let’s say Tiger takes a leap of faith, invests some money and opens his own chain of artery clogging deliciousness and starts getting 6 figures a year. Know what happens now? You have women who see that success and that new BMW literally throwing themselves at him. He’s getting so much action in his face he doesn’t even know what to do with it.

Now let’s come back to reality: The actual Tiger Woods is a billionaire and we’re shocked he was having sex with every available female crevice with a pulse? To be tempted on that level is mind boggling to any warm blooded man.

There is only so much vagina a man can swat away before one wiggles its way into your mans pants. The more money a man makes the more attractive he is to certain women. Remember when Jay Z was ugly back in the 90s and women were saying they wouldn’t touch that with a stick? He got his money up and now all of a sudden “there’s something sexy about him that you just can’t put your finger on”.

"Jay Z is sooo sexy in this pic" - women

“Jay Z is sooo sexy in this pic” – women

Oh you’ll say he’s unattractive to save face but most of you would still bang him because he’s Jay Z and, you know, not broke. And please miss me with the “are you saying all women would just sleep around for money?” questions. There’s no judgment here at all. If Oprah put up an ad on Facebook saying “First person to screw me silly in my house in the Bahamas gets $1,000,000” you’re trying to tell me there would be NO husbands breaking their necks to get there? Or wives driving 80mph to get them to Oprahs house?

With success and money comes fast women who are willing to do damn near anything to get some of that mans coin and if they’re smart they know how to break up a happy home faster than you can blink an eye. I have no reasonable advice for this one. Seriously, get in the gym, buy a bat and some pepper spray because when that money comes you’ll be beating the women off of him for the rest of your life.

You’re a Horrible Person

I’ve been pretty honest offensive thus far and I assume most women will take umbrage with this from the jump but trust me by the end of this you will see my point. Being a “good woman” is subjective. A good woman for me could be another man’s nightmare and vice versa. There are qualities in me that some woman could find extremely attractive as well as some that (most) women would find in me  that would make them think I’m a horrible human being and want to murder my face. If we can agree to this notion then how farfetched is it that, to your boyfriend, you are just the worst? Do you know how many husbands come to me every day telling me how much they hate their wives?

This many

This many

Now, to be fair, a lot of those men are smelly douchebags who legitimately don’t deserve the women they have. But some of the horror stories I hear are legitimate; Women keeping tabs on their dudes as if it’s their jobs. Guys having to break their backs to provide for a high maintenance woman. Women denying sex for months on end. How is it shocking when these men cheat?

I’ve heard an anecdote about a female doesn’t work, has 2 kids in private school, living in a gated community, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, got fat, denies sex and refuses to drive because she feels “Bahamian roads are just too dangerous” despite having a driver’s license and a car in the garage. Do you really expect her husband to stay faithful?

If anyone, male or female, hears that story then hears that the guy cheated are you really that shocked? And yes it’s easy to say “just leave” but in that arc of a story do you realize the red tape involved in “just leaving”? Yeah I’m sure he’ll leave at some point but in the meantime who can blame him for seeking happiness elsewhere? He cheated because she is a generally shitty individual so he found happiness in someone else. And that’s not even a bad story.

I know guys whose women have cheated and been awful people in general towards them and they stuck it out only to see their women got worse. Then when the guy had a moment of sexual weakness everyone turned on him labeling him “cheater” and accused him of breaking up a happy home.

Ironically, some of these horrible women are the ones in church every Sunday, super judgmental of others and have the public persona of mother Theresa. Get behind closed doors and they’re nightmares. So before you judge these broken men maybe try to put yourself in his shoes and then decide if his sin wasn’t justified to some degree.

I had an ex that always used to say “A relationship is work. It’s hard and you have just stick with it and push through”. There was a time I believed that and in doing so, overstayed my welcome in situations that were either irreparable or just not for me in that moment. Relationships should not be work, they should be a vacation. Life is hard as is. We actually have jobs and lives and responsibilities. The one place you should be able to go when life gets hard should not be another job that is your relationship but a place that holds peace of mind.

Vacations are also hard and stressful at times. At times vacations are annoying as hell. But I’ve never seen someone shorten their vacation willingly. You find ways and avenues to make that vacation less annoying and get back to enjoying your life for whatever short period of time your job (life) allows which is never enough. I’ve made my mistakes, big ones. I’ve cheated at times for no reason at all and at times when I just needed an outlet. I knew I was wrong when I was doing it and still consider myself to have been wrong. I’m by no means justifying cheating because I would never want to be cheated on, even though I have in the past. I’m merely trying to show women that it doesn’t just happen because “men are men”.

You should be able to evaluate beyond your own bitterness and find the reasons behind the sin rather than being cynical and just blaming an entire gender for what you don’t understand. There are reasons. None of them justifiable by any stretch of the imagination, but a lot of them understandable. We’re human, we make mistakes and we mess up. But my advice to men thinking about or currently cheating is life is short. Just leave. It’s not worth the headache and hurt you put your woman through. Yeah some of them deserve it but in the end you’re just gonna have to go home and be unhappy anyway. Leave and just be a jungle cat. Grass isn’t necessarily greener but trust me you sleep better at night.