This is the article I was always afraid to write because I know no matter what I say every woman who reads this will have their default response of “Cheating is wrong”! It’s like saying “I have freedom of speech” every time you’re an asshole. So let’s be clear, ladies: yes, cheating is wrong. It’s an asshole move and if you’re with somebody you claim to love and want to be with, it should never happen.

The only point of my article is that men don’t catch the “cheating” bug like it’s a common cold. It’s not a communicable disease that is in the air and only men get it. Shit, I wish that was the case cause that would save a lot of lives, literally. No, there are reasons why we cheat and a reason why it happened to you in particular.

As usual folks my job here is not to sugarcoat or put lipstick on a pig (no not the girl he cheated with, an actual pig). I’m here to inform, educate, and, through the weight of the ugly violent truth, make a lot of women hate me. Here are 6 reasons why men cheat.

He’s a dog

Sorry but there’s no poetry or wordplay for this one; some guys are just cheaters. I know a lot of guys who don’t even apologize for it. I remember a friend of mine who was cheating on his girlfriend for the better part of always, got engaged, married her and on the day of his wedding when I joked about being out of the game he whispered, ever so softly, in my ear, “This changes nothing, son. I got something lined up for next week but I gotta go on this honeymoon. We’ll talk.”

Dude went back to his wife of 28 minutes and took pictures. And for all the guys reading that and thinking she was probably a horrible person, no, she was a sweetheart. Did everything he said. Cooked like a boss, had her own career going, loved him blindly all that good stuff that just gave all my “feminist” readers stomach aches. Dude would brag, despite how innocent she looked, that she was a freak in the bedroom. If I can find a partner who is one of those things I’ll be fine.

Behold, my relationship requirements

Behold, my relationship requirements

This guy had all of them and still cheated. That’s not a man who needs a reason, he’s just a dog. For some reason these are the guys women tend to latch on to the hardest because they think they can change him. You cant. He is what he is and it’s gonna be what it is forever. Now if you’re one of those women that can put up with that then by all means do your thing and more power to you. But if you know you need commitment, loyalty and trust then please just leave and find a guy that’s worthy of you. This guy will not change. You’re up shit’s creek and you don’t have the shoes for it.

He’s just not that into you

One of the biggest issues I have with guys today is this whole “Marrying her because she paid her dues” bullshit. When did this shit start happening? Now ladies this one isn’t your fault directly but understand the signs were there.

Stop me if you heard this one: Jill and John have been together all their lives. Because John feels women are evil and he is safe with Jill, or Jill manipulates John (it’s always either or). John proposes to Jill and they get married. 2-5 years later John realizes he’s been with the same woman his whole life and nothing has changed and he’s bored. John starts hanging out with friends later and later because male camaraderie and public intoxication is way more attractive to him than going home to Jill and hearing about the same day she’s been having since the Bush Administration. Jill goes on the computer and finds that John has been emailing and carrying on an emotional affair with another female. Now class, is John right? No, John is wrong. But did Jill smell the smoke before the inevitable burning down of dreams? Yes, yes she did.

See ladies understand that I know you can deal with routine. You strive off of routine. Hell, a woman will stay with a guy, be bored and get her thrills from romance novels and sex scenes from Lifetime just to avoid cheating.

Look at them watching 50 Shades of Grey....look how they're not cheating.

Look at them watching 50 Shades of Grey….look how they’re not cheating.

But understand men are built differently. It’s only so long we can be in a boring relationship with the same person and not venture out in some way. And I’m using that broad brush on the word cheating here as you women so love to use when its convenient for you. You know, emotional cheating, forbidden emails, sexting Lydia who works in IT who has those lips. For this type of guy it normally doesn’t even lead to sex he just needs some type of excitement in his life outside of going to Kelly’s Superstore to pick out a new ironing board.

Ladies if you see the signs then please, react and resolve quickly. That porn you caught him watching? Do that shit with him. Trust me, your good man will stay home and missionary for months after. It’s just all about keeping it exciting.

You emasculate him

Now I am a huge advocate for self-esteem being a “self” issue. You have to know how to build confidence and all of it shouldn’t come from your partner. However, there’s a group of women out there that just love to cut their men down. They speak for him in public. They undermine his opinion at every turn. They nag him and repeat everything every time they give an instruction. We all know this woman…

...her name is "mom"

…her name is “mom”

Ladies close your eyes. Actually leave them open cause I need you to keep reading. Imagine you’re in the dark having sex with a guy. Lights turn on and look who it is, it’s your dad. Ew right? Now, what makes you think ANYONE wants to have sex let alone be married to their mothers?

Except these guys, its kinda their thing

Except these guys, its kinda their thing

Our mothers emasculate us every time we see her and that’s cool because she gave us our dicks. Why am I gonna stay faithful to a woman who does the same shit while actively trying to get rid of mine? That’s crazy talk. Sooner or later your significant other is gonna get his balls back and cheat on you because Bernice who works in his office can smell the bitch in you and has no problem being equal partners in a relationship. It’s a classic case of “he wasn’t getting what he got at home so he went elsewhere”.

Now a lot of you read that sentence and got up in arms because your solution to that issue is “well why didn’t he just leave if he’s unhappy?” Do you have any idea the headache involved in breaking up with a female, especially an overbearing one? Men don’t cheat because we like the danger. No, we do it because its way easier to risk doing something filthy that could end their marriage and cost them money and pride than to actually tell you just how much of a bitch you are and actually have to have that conversation for 6 hours. Knowing in the end you won’t change. Or maybe you will, who knows. But you get loud when you yell and Bernice is a soft talker and doesn’t yell and make your man feel stupid in the middle of Quality Markets when he picks out the wrong bread so…..



Click here to read part 2 of “Why Men Cheat”.