Madden vs. Cuffing Season

It is unquestionably the greatest video game of all time[1].

Its direct opponent, Cuffing season the most awful or the most wonderful time of the year depending on your perspective.

What’s a fact is that they’ve been rivals ever since Madden debuted and the phenomenon of fall relationships started to crystallize in the late 90s.

I can back all this up with statistics, graphs and Venn-Diagrams, but trust me it’s true.Cuffing season is strictly about new relationships, and that makes Valentine’s Day pale in comparison to it, nothing is as enthralling as a new relationship.

Except a new Madden.

An almost spiritual experience now, even if like me, you don’t play the game nearly as much as you’d like.[2]

I treat Madden like I treat playing basketball competitively – there’s no way I’m playing against anyone under 25 with their quick reaction times, lack of city miles, and belief in true love. They may as well be vampires or mutants from the X-men because I’m not competing with someone with built-in advantages, especially ones that have never seriously thought “hey I may need glasses.

Madden is older than most of the people playing it online now. At some point you have to move on from Madden and just accept that you’re not as good as you were, pick Trio Sky and call it a day. This is usually around the time Cuffing season gets you. Like a monster right outside your window. It’s been waiting on you to have a 5 interception game, and have you think “maybe I should reevaluate my life”.


It may not be over completely though because Madden in its infinite wisdom and divine blessing either through share luck or incredible foresight is now perfectly in line with the beginning of Cuffing’ Season.


For a female, Madden’s strength is simultaneously its greatest strengthen and greatest weakness. It keeps any male completely obsessed to the point that he’ll skip a Friday night out. There is beer in the fridge and you just lost two games in a row are you seriously in the mood to go out? Or would you prefer to have electronic football players get you your pride and family honor back. For established girlfriends this is an amazingly effective tool. A lot of boyfriends are ending up with Madden “just cause” gifts this week


But how does cuffing season react, to single men, men with relationships ultimatums hanging over their heads like the sword of Damocles or actions right in front of them. The weather is changing, though in Nassau that amounts to a slight breeze as opposed to stifling heat. It’s getting cooler summer is ending and every year cuffing season starts earlier and earlier. You are going to break you can’t really help it.


Then Madden comes out. A pressure valve gets released then those cuffing season ultimatums don’t seem nearly as intense her “so what you gonna do”? #whatyougonnado isn’t nearly as threatening. She may in fact leave, but guess who doesn’t. Madden. Updated Rosters. New Rookies. Franchise Mode. Practice Mode. Cuffing season and madden have long been at odds but now it’s getting serious cuffing’ season has pushed up its start date. Here’s an example of an out of date calendar


Picture from IG


Choice life is about choices isn’t it, you can either be in a relationship and only play Madden passive aggressively or you can be great at it and go out one Saturday a month to try reclaim everything you lost during cuffing season. There is no in between, you may have seen her up in La Marina all summer but your choices are limited, don’t try and be too clever.


August, Madden, a refuge, an oasis in the dessert of the coming storm with all the things designed to take our attention away and make us even more interconnected than ever and distract us you’re here to let us know.

No not yet we will not go quietly into the cuffing night, we are going to live on. Today we celebrate Maddenoliday. The day we fight back.


[1] Slight hyperbole.

[2] Stupid work, and life, and relationships, and family and your career, what a bunch of assholes.