6 Things Bahamian Women Need To Stop Doing (Immediately)

By Drew

Nah, y’all don’t get a witty intro either….just bars.

Stop Faking Orgasms

What are the most used, “I’m hurt so Imma air this nigga out”, insults?

The good ones at least?

You have the ever so popular, “ya dick small” or, “you a broke no good dog”. See, I’m different. You wanna really hurt my feelings?

“That’s just my opinion tho, Drew. Sade really aint the vibe you think she is.” #iTrustedYou #TruePain

A really big one that women think gets under mens skin is, “You NEVER made me cum….I faked it almost every time!”. I mean…yeah, that sucks, but guess who ALWAYS had an orgasm, beloved….

Me…that’s who. EVERY. FUCKIN. TIME.

It’s really not the flex you think it is I promise. All you’ve done is have bad sex for 4 years and put up with it cause he had a mortgage, nice car and wore Sauvage cologne when you met him.

The chokehold this cologne has on the community is unorthodox

Don’t get me wrong, if your man is one of these piece of shit, don’t wanna learn or have the sex conversation ass nigas then by all means AIR THAT NIGGA OUT.

Shit, put flyers on womens cars and let them know so they can avoid that villain.

But if you have NEVER tried having a conversation about WHY you’re not having orgasms and NEVER gave instructions or after sex told him how you felt about his performance then….beloved….who really at fault here? Cause it ain me.

Understand sex is about women. I can (and have) humped pillows to completion….our dicks don’t need much.

The secrets that pillow could tell. Like why that sock under his bed is rock hard and standing in the corner unassisted.

So, please….learn your body, have the conversation and get to bussin them nuts cause we tired of y’all comin to work miserable and snitchin to the manager cause une cum since Ingraham was in power.

Accept Your Weight….Or Don’t.

Stop me if you heard this one: Man meets objectively chubby/overweight woman. He flirts with her, pursues her, they date, they make sweet sweet love and they start “going”. 1year into the relationship she decides she don’t feel as sexy as (insert friend/random woman/celebrity/enemy here cause it’s always some trigger). Now she coming to her incredibly happy with her fupa ass nigga on some…

“Do you still find me sexy? I was so much smaller when you met me and I’ve put on weight and I know we still have sex every day but…..am I still sexy to you?”

…..leaving that poor defenseless nigga like….

“…I literally just fucked you to vintage Jodeci and at one point tongue kissed your stomach so I’m confused how….????”

God forbid you’re a gym nigga then its worse cause now its….

“You be lookin at them skinny bitches in the gym? Yeah ine that small but if that’s what you want they can have you!”

Leaving that poor defenseless nigga like….

“…I got a salad with my actually fried chicken and now we here? I’m confused as to how…..?????”

Ladies, listen to me and listen to me with all your heart, soul, stomach and thighs….



Ok that’s not 100% true. I don’t know why I typed that in caps.

Some niggas care about that shit….but, here’s the thing, if he’s with you and y’all still getting it in in the bedroom and he squeezzin on that meaty goodness then beloved what’s the issue? Y’all really think niggas that dumb? We hunt what we want to eat. I don’t know what goes on in y’all head honestly. Y’all really think we on these dates thinking like….

“Jesus this girl have all this boongie and thigh meat. And ine like how her arm stretch marks look like a bad drawing of Elizabeth Estates streets. I ga check her for 5 years but thas it cause she tooooo big”

Um no that’s a waste of time.

If I meet ya thick ass at 230lbs then beloved clearly I like gals who 230lbs. And if you may wanna lose weight for health reasons or generally just for you that’s PERFECTLY fine but, beloved DECIDE.

Cause the onus ain on us.

We chose you like this. YOU let society and bitch niggas fuck with your head. I over here loving every curve on you and you mindin the Kardashians and some not gay Kevin Samuels ass nigga tellin you you too big? Their opinions matter more than me lusting after you and actively trying to have sex with you every 10 minutes?


I didn’t agree with 100% of what this nigga said or his insulting delivery but he was talkin to y’all SOULS sometimes and for that we must be forever grateful. Sleep easy, beloved

We love your bodies, we love y’all. Decide what size you wan be and lets get you there but if you never wanna lose or gain another pound….

“Fix nasty lemme rub your stomach mid-stroke the way King Solomon told us to.” #SongsOfSolomon”

Stop Blaming Us For Your Horrible Choices In Niggas

How you go to Bon Vivants every other night, meet the same niggas, date within that bubble exclusively then decide to come on Perry Christie internet and declare…

“Bahamian niggas ain shit! The dating pool has pee AND shit in it!”- Them

Firstly, if you done tried ya hand at several of these niggas and failed then how are you not now in the pee and shit family, beloved? That’s like me ALWAYS hanging out under the bridge, exclusively only dating under the bridge ass women and then saying the exact thing you said. Only difference really is who will respond to my post and how. When a woman posts “all Bahamian niggas ain shit” know what her comment section looks like?

“GIRL YOU BETTER TALK!” & “GIIIRRRRLLLLLLLLL Check your dms” & “Listen I’m so grateful for my one good husband cause whew child!”

Let me, a man, post that.

“Don’t you dare lump us all in. You’re wrong and I don’t need to explain myself because feminism.!!!”

There ARE good men on this road. I’m not one of them to be clear, but they’re out there. Get out of your bubble, get out of your own head and in the name of Jesus PLEASE….

Stop Thinking Men Only Require The Bare Minimum

Is there an increasing number of bitch niggas, weird niggas and not-gay-niggas on this road? 100% true.

Is there an increasing number of horrible women that think because they pretty they don’t need to have a personality, morals, values or any sense of self awareness on Lynden Pindling streets? ALSO 100% true. Let’s not act like we all don’t know one woman complaining about being single and how the dating pool shitty but we ALL lowkey KNOW she’s the problem but NO ONE tells her.

40% of y’all callin one name in particular but NO ONE WAN TALK BOUT IT. But they’ll get 200 likes in 8 minutes cause y’all co-sign the bullshit on main street but in the dms on some…..

“No but sheen even that cute tho. She only have lil shape and hair I’ll give her that but nuh uh. And so love to talk bout can’t find man but that man baby ain even his baby girl LISTEN!!”- Y’all after liking her pics

And they always caption their pics horribly….

“Sunkissed. Unbothered. Raekwon mommy may not be much but she IS the moment. You’re welcome, Bahamas. #YouWorry”- she said from some niggas boat

Leaving niggas like….

“You could barely hold a conversation beyond your scholastic achievements, monetary worth and expressing how you pay your own bills and feed yourself and I must be impressed, beloved?”

How y’all want us be smart, funny, have common sense, good job, have hobbies, be interesting, be open, communicate, be loving, be protectful, be feminine, be masculine, AND kill the roach and you *checks notes* have a masters degree and do the basic requirements of a working adult with a child?

Imagine me saying that to a woman…

“First off, Amy, I pay my own bills. That car outside? I bought that with MY money. I can afford my own sushi and I bought ALL this Gucci swag you see me have on so…..just sayin…”

Stay woke.


No no….that’s it.

That’s the statement.

Now read it again and again until it becomes a prayer.

Allow Niggas To Have A Type/Preference

I’m not a small man. I am by definition an obese man. I have been insulted by women openly my entire life. Not in cruel or malicious ways to be fair….no that privilege was reserved for the woman I love the most….

This woman once told me that because I got my ears pierced that I was, “More woman than me and I born you….une shame? AND you putting on weight” #LoveHerBadYaKnow

No, my mother wasn’t verbally abusive that’s just what women were/are allowed to get away with. But God forbid a man says, “Honestly slim red women are my type….love a slim red woman”. My reaction?

You like red woman? We’ll have your obituary pre-typed, beloved. God bless tho

Womens reaction?

“Just say you hate dark skin women. Its giving your mommy dark AND fat but you think YOU deserve what you claim you like? JUST SAY YOU HATE A REAL WOMAN THEN!”

Now, to be clear, there are some bitch niggas outside that will say, “Don’t bring no dark fat gal round me I like my tings small and light”.

THAT is wrong.

We should never speak down to a woman only to praise another. You don’t have to insult some women to justify your taste in other women…..but goddamnit we should be allowed to have a taste in women and not get attacked for fuck sakes. I should be allowed to gently tell a woman who I’m not attracted to….

“I’m honestly flattered you like me. I don’t think I’m in a place to date right now but I’d love to be friends!”

…and her not immediately default into whatever insecurity she’s battling and project that on me on some….

“He mussy gay child cause I am gorgeous and WORTHY of a man to worship me and love ALL of me”

And you are ABSOLUTELY right….you deserve all of that.

HE specifically ain on your run tho and that’s also quite fine.

Niggas can’t even BE with their type without some smoke. I’ve dated white women before and because of that fact and the other fact that I dress like a “white boy” I get boxed in REAL quick.

“Who, Andrew? Child he only like white woman. What type black man got his trucker hat on backwards and you think he dating black women? Don’t waste your time!”

Meanwhile, I’ve literally dated women that look like this….

…and had a fucking great time….see how y’all is miss out on y’all blessings? #JK #iAmNotABlessingTrust #YouChoseWiselyHonestly

And so what if some dude says he prefers white women?….ok. He’s allowed that. As long as he’s not putting black women down in his proclamation of his preference then I say God bless and Godspeed. Imagine me yelling at a woman for not being her type.

“First off just say you can’t handle these grown hetero male curves, boo. Go get you a lightskin lil fella since that’s clearly what you want cause you couldn’t STOMACH all this caramel macchiato goodness baby BYE!”

See how entitled that sounds?


Be safe tho