5 Places Bahamians Should Wild Out This Long Weekend!

5 Places Bahamian Should Wild Out This Long Weekend!

By Drew

Little known fact about me: I really don’t like people. I think people who don’t know me think that I’m this hyper socialite like Kedar or RoxieStar who are the life of the party.

I’m not.

Ok that’s a lie. I’m actually a really good time….until I’m not.

This is me if you get me out…Drunk, being funny as hell and just giving the people what they want. #GoodTimes

…this is me for the next 2 months after those #GoodTimes….

Did y’all know someone wrote my life’s story? Its on amazon or wherever books are sold I guess. #NoBigDeal

We have a long weekend coming up. I think it’s “Columbus Gave Niggas Syphilis” Day or “Brave Davis Rape Whistle” Day, or some shit.

I can’t keep up.

We’re off Monday and that’s all that matters. But, we’re still in a pandemic. It’s now 2021, Georgia won the senate for the democrats and y’all already forgot about….you know….THE PANDEMIC WE’RE STILL IN. Look at niggas….

“Cheers to surviving 2020!! Lets group tongue kiss and sneeze in each others mouths! That’ll show em!” – Y’all #Y’allDumb #You’reKillingPeople

So, if I can help y’all have an amazing time this weekend, here’s some places you should definitely have a blast at!

Your Bedroom

I don’t know about you crazy kids but y’all know how I get down in the bedroom. I don’t mean to brag but I’ve had several ladies tell me they’ve never had a man eat like I eat before. I try to service my women as best I can….you know, for the culture….

…I put these women to sleep with my eating skills. #BedCrumbsAreForLovers

Not everyone can be as wild as me but I’ve been known to have a bottle of the finest Barton Vodka on my nightstand, some diet Chek Cola, a Marco’s Deluxe Uno and just eat a woman out……of house and home.

Throw in some sex too I guess if we must.

Binge watch some popular series like Bridgeton, pretend to like it to get more of the sex, and that could legit be my weekend. Providing BPL don’t do shit and you’re now in a hot room, in darkness, with a person you kinda like but not really you just didn’t wanna be alone the first long weekend of 2021.

Light goes off and I’m on some….

“So do you think Brave Davis’s name is actually like “Brave” or is it like Vivian but he never had the testicular fortitude to carry the weight of a name so gender neutral so he calls himself “Brave” to appear more manly?” – I ask seconds before they “have to leave suddenly”

Bedrooms are fun. Visit your nearest one this long weekend!

Your Living Room

Now we’re in the party zone. All the cool kids are there. PS4 is in the house. The sectional is lookin right. Oh look, the big TV made an appearance. The cashmere throw that Dakarai left has the ladies feeling exceptional and classy.

Thanks, Sir. This will NOT go to waste. #SomeoneTagHimCauseHeenKnow

I don’t mean to brag but…..I’ve been to the living room a few times. Shit….even had sex there. No biggie. The Living room is where you go when you’re tired of the bedroom after you’ve asked a young lady a pretty pertinent question concerning Brave Davis but some ladies just can’t handle the truth so fuck em.

But I digress.

Did I mention the snacks? Cant crash a living room party without the snackies….

Whoa, whoa, whoa there, cowboy!….now you’re just having too much fun. What you think this is, Nygard Cay? #WithoutTheAllegedRapeAndPoliticalTies #SomeOfY’allWasThereDon’tGetQuietNow

I mean it’s a big flex but if you’re in the area check out the living room. Its where the cool kids are.

The Kitchen

Ever heard of “Paint and Sip”? Well welcome to “Cook and Eat”! It’s a fucking WILD concept especially for the alfredo warriors out there. Y’all think pasta and alfredo go with everything at this point.

“Bae….you feel like a nice leftover curried chicken angel hair alfredo with a garlic butter Roman Meal toast?….. Bae…??”

So, because I mess with y’all the long way, Imma introduce you to my food mentor. This man has taught me literally everything I know and if you’re wanting to learn how to cook different stuff and experiment this is the guy you wanna fuck with.

Not to be dramatic but I would kill you, your entire family and then myself for this man #Respectfully

So, if you have a long weekend bae or an actual bae or a bae that doesn’t know they’re your bae but they’re your bae cause you already planned the wedding in your head so they ain goin nowhere, bae……maybe y’all learn to cook together so he can stop suggesting shit like this…

“Babe, you want a BBQ wing sandwich with a grape reduction and sliced cheese melt? …..Babe??”

The Bathroom

Fun fact: If you are a frequent reader of #FridaysWithAndrew or my personal porn blog, “Flaccid but Faithful: Drew’sPenisChronicles”, then just know I wrote about 60%of them on the toilet. And not even shitting honestly.

Just there….thinking about life, my future, if Brave Davis’s name is actually Vivian….

Normalize using the toilet for meditation and not just shitting #BeBest

The bathroom is just a great place.

Wanna maximize your time and really get into it?

Plug your phone into a charging device WHILE sitting on the toilet and scrolling through your ex’s Instagram playing a little game I like to call, “Which nigga is piping her down and why am I crying right now?”. Spice it up by connecting your bathroom bluetooth speaker and playing some Sabrina Claudio to really get the tears goin.

If you clicked this expecting a happy song then you haven’t been paying attention #TheWordsTho #You’reMissingYourExNowAren’tYou

Ask your doctor if the bathroom is a good place for an untapped depression cry today!

I said it in 2020 and the message remains: We are in a fucking pandemic, people! This is NOT the weekend to (continue) to fuck things up for us all. I know you wanna bar hop and brunch and party and be around people.

I don’t understand it but I get it: Y’all like road. Just please, if only for this weekend, find yourself one entanglement and stay y’all collective asses home.

Or be alone for once and deal with your goddamn feelings and stop using being social as a crutch because the neverending thoughts in your head are too much and selfies, liquor and lies feel better than dealing with your actual problems.

Yeah, talking to you. That’s it. That’s the end of the article.

Be safe tho #StopTheSpread242