How To Not Like Man In The Bahamas (During Covid Christmas)

By Drew

No I don’t mean, “not be gay” and no I am not trying to be derogatory or provocative. I think we ALL know what I mean to an extent. I don’t know why these Bahamian PC and social justice warriors try to act like they are beyond nuance or understanding the way colloquialisms work.

I’ll legit be at a gay march like….

“Stop the gay ban. This government like man. STOP THE GAY BAN. THIS GOVERNMENT LIKE MAN!!!” – Me, chanting support for gay rights. #NoSeriouslyHowIsThisStillAnIssue

So no, fake woke bored Bahamian that came from wealth: When I say, “How to not like man”, I mean that across the board. Men AND women. Though, I love when I DO say it to Bahamian women. Without fail they have the exact same response.

I’ll tell them, “Bey you like man” and their response is legit…

This them

Christmas is here and so is covid. We’re about to have a covid Christmas and I fear if there is ever a time we are going to spread this shit it will be during the yuletide. So, I implore you all: Please don’t like man this Christmas.

There’s a question that has been burning in my soul now for years. Ever since I got my drivers license and my mother sent me to the bank or to stores to do shopping I noticed something about us as a whole.

We like man.


No, I’m talking to you cause I think you know where I’m going with this. Look at me, beloved.


Why must y’all stand like this in lines? #TheNiggadryInThisPicIsUnorthodox

What drives me crazy is you can move 2 steps forward so the person isn’t directly in your anal cavity but, despite NO ONE ELSE moving in the line, these people will take the 2 steps forward to compensate for time lost IN YOUR ANAL CAVITY. The ones I hate the most are those that, when you get to the front of the bank line, stand to the side like they next.

The Kingsway academy in me is not built for that level of confrontation.

“..this is fine” – I said, terrified of conchy joe Ed Sheeran

I feel like a broken record at this point. We are in a goddamn fucking pandemic, people. What part of “maybe don’t stand directly in my mouth air space” don’t y’all understand?

Actually, I’ll take that back.

Pandemic aside: Why are we like this in general?

From I was small my mother taught us always stay one persons length away from people. Now, to be fair, we were never a touchy feely family with hugs and kisses so being socially distanced, physically and emotionally, has always been the Bain way if I’m being honest.

“Ya my father maintained social distance all my life so this isn’t new. Wait….y’all were getting hugs and shit?” – I asked right before calling Harrison Thompson….again

And that’s the thing: You and whoever you live with can feel free to be all over each other.

No seriously.

Tongue kiss.


Do the weird, “are we fist bumping or doing a handshake”, confusion that people do when we don’t know which move we’re gonna greet our friends with like rock paper scissors.

BUT, if you’re going out in public, just please keep 6ft away from the person in line.

Know how long six feet is?

Neither do I that’s why I’m asking.

Some of y’all stickers on these floors lil confusing. Cause I’m about 6’0/6’1 on a good day and I know I’m longer than these stickers y’all have on these floors.

This…..this doesn’t seem right. Is this for like…toy dogs? Did one of y’all dog moms do this? #Y’allRunninOut #ThatsNotYourChildItsAShitzhu

My rule of thumb is if I can reach out and touch you then you lil too close. And if you’re a genuine little person, no higher than a bees knees, like my life long enemy Elaine Sawyer, then maybe just lay on the floor and keep a “2 midgets distance” from regular sized humans that God has not forgotten.


I shouldn’t slander Elaine Sawyer like that? Do you know that she’s a jackal from the 9th circle of hell?

I was fucking defending myself from this demon spider monkey and I am ready to tell my story #DrewToo #I’llSeeYouInHell

And let’s keep up with the elbow and fist bumps. And this isn’t even about covid, just in general. I been really enjoying not touching y’all honestly. For y’all, Covid is a temporary thing.

For me? It’s now a lifestyle.

I could see me in 2024…

“Hold on, bro….covid! lol….no but seriously don’t touch me….How’s the wife tho?”

Lets unlearn breathing down each others necks in lines and in public.

Lets unlearn talking directly in peoples mouths like infants.

It’s gonna be a covid Christmas whether we like it or not so lets normalize being safe, being socially distanced, and not BEING IN MY ANAL CAVITY ON BANK OF THE BAHAMAS ATM LINE LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Pardon me, I’ve been through a lot.

Be safe tho. #SlowingTheSpread242