Covid-19 & The Bahamian D Average. (The Destruction of Sennacherib)

By Drew

My grandmother would always say to me as a child, “Handsome is as handsome does”. I never knew what the hell that meant and, to be honest, I still don’t. I never knew if it was her way of calling me handsome or some creepy way of telling me if I act right I’ll become more attractive. If the former then….

“…thanks for calling me handsome, grammy, but I need that energy from them toddler hoes with the good diapers!”

…and if the latter…..

If acting right makes you fit and good looking then this woman is a serial killer and she must be found, and stopped!

It’s hard sometimes to see beyond yourself and your present environment. Dumb niggas don’t know there dumb niggas until they’re lesser dumb niggas let them know there dumb and this is why we need to address the (Bahamian) D average during this covid crisis.

Funny thing with you D average folks, y’all kinda walk hand in hand with the woke folks if I’m being honest.

You disagree?


Which picture is woke bullshit and which one is from the D Average gang….

Exhibit A?


Exhibit B?

Which one is the woke guy and which one has the D average?


Now, you may be wondering how to know if you’re in the D average. How can I, some stupid nigga from 10thYearSeniors even think he has the RIGHT to sit in judgement of another human being and assume their intelligence is lacking.

Easy, actually.

If you believe 5G causes Covid-19, think this lockdown is stupid and should be reversed or if you….

….read this sentence without having a fucking seizure like I did just typing it then….ya. You’re D Average #ThatsHowTheyType

And, let me be clear: This is not a govt vs private school thing nor is it a socioeconomic thing. I know niggas from StAndrews who say and believe dumb shit the same way I know niggas from government schools who say and believe dumb shit.

It happens A LOT in both respects.

“Your parents worked real hard to send you to Kingsway for you to believe an ex coke dealing rapper is in the illuminati because he makes more money than you.” #ThisIsWhyWe’llNeverGetAPool #KingswayStillDoesn’tHaveAPool

So let’s not make this a class/education thing.

I’m looking at you, fake woke niggas/women that need something to be mad about during the covid. Though, to be fair, y’all been real quiet since the crisis. Nothing like actually having to sit alone with your feelings and thoughts to get y’all to shut up.

Won’t God do it?

“…I’m on my 5th best friend in 3 years….maybe, just maybe….I’m the problem???” #YesYou’reTheProblem #ThankYouCurfew

The D average is systematically ruining what might be the greatest pandemic our generation has and will ever see. Do y’all know how long Naldo, John, Dakarai and I have been saying, “We ga die”?

I personally thought the robots would do it. Nal has always assumed it would be a zombie apocalypse. None of us thought rampant willful ignorance would be the thing to kill us all.

Ya hate to see it….


I knew we had some dumb people on this island but holy shit. I am not a conspiracy theorist but In my opinion, those niggas that went to the beach? The ones who were across from Sandyport “partying” up a storm?

They weren’t partying, that was a fucking meeting, my nigga. The dumbest and strongest of the D Average gathered together for, as I’m sure they dubbed it….

lol….We ga die

It had to have been a meeting. Have you seen this rollout of stupid? The D average are forming like Voltron and their powers have increased 10 fold ever since we took Green Parrot back from them back in 2008.

Never forget the battle for Green Parrot when they decided to play reggae and not Shania Twain and lets just say things got….stabby. #WeWillNeverForget #RememberOutside?

All Minnis asked for, his ONLY request was, “Stay home. Save lives.”

That’s it. Nothing fancy. Just stay home.

And listen, I am NO fan of the Prime Minister. If I had it my way Joey Gaskins would be prime minister and, if he’s smart, he’d appoint me as his deputy cause boy do I have some progressive ideas….

“Ok so weed is now legal, so is prostitution, gay marriage as well. No more Christian council and guess who got chicken patties back down to $1.50?” #DontEverGiveMePower

What I’m enjoying the most is Duane Sands and Hubert Minnis trying not to reach Super Saiyan levels of anger during these press conferences. You can tell they are LOSING it inside their minds. Allow me to illustrate using Goku of Dragon Ball Z.

Coronavirus: Week 1

“Hey y’all, stay home, we’ll get through this. Lets love each other pray and we’ll be fine” – Minnis

*D Average have their aforementioned “Stupid Covid meeting”*

Coronavirus Week 2…

“Guys, please take this SERIOUS. People will die if we don’t. Like….actual death. Just….just stay home. PLEASE, BEY!” – Kaioken Minnis

*Niggas freak out and now all of a sudden everyone on the island needs to buy food they’ve never eaten before or will eat ever again.*

Coronavirus Week 3 and beyond (I assume)…


I went to the foodstore and saw someone buying goddamn plums.


In a crisis.

I’m sorry but if you bought plums during the crisis can I ask you something? Who do you think you are and what are you trying to prove?

“Bread, water, tuna…..know what we haven’t had in 43 years? Plums…we need a $28 bushel of pretentious fruit” #You’reWrongAboutLife #ThisIsPersonal

Understand that being a part of the D average is not an indictment on anyone that didn’t do well in school. Beloved, I didn’t do well in high school….AT ALL. Grades don’t make you D average, your mentality does.

Know what’s the smartest thing you can EVER do? Ask questions from people who know more than you about a subject. And I’m not saying that only experts can teach, but I am saying they may know more than you on a particular subject.

If you wanna know more about how many times a grown man can masterbate and name the entire catalogue for XNXX.Com then I’m your guy. Know why? Cause I’ve dedicated my life to that shit.

“You’re gonna wanna go straight for the ‘Suggestions’ link but that’s what THEY want you to jook off to. Try and find something new each time for that quality cumcicle. You’re gonna wanna pace yourself….” #Expert

So, I don’t know, maybe DOCTOR Minnis and DOCTOR Dwayne Sands and DOCTOR Nikkiah Forbes may….and I know this is a stretch for some of you….MAY know what they’re talking about.

Is it….is it because they don’t have on Doctors outfits that y’all don’t wanna listen to them? Is that why?

Why is this….

…less convincing than this….

We must end the impossible beauty standards set by D Average society ASAP or we are all doomed

Hubert Minnis may need to start wearing a hazmat suit with a stethoscope around his neck and “666” on the front to get y’all D Average’s attention.

And speaking of satan….I gotta address the D Average Christians as well though, to be fair, y’all been on manners of late but I see y’all starting to come out now that this is almost over.

I see y’all. 

Ya thas them

I really hope this has been a lesson for the Christian D Average, I really do. Y’all can’t WAIT for Jesus to kill all of us. I mean it really must be frustrating to not have some proclivity or sin to attach this to. Niggas beating the Bible bad trying to find a verse applicable to this exact situation.

“Ok there is no word ‘Pandemic’ in here but I do see the name ‘Paul’ and I know he was near Barcelona once and that rhymes with Corona and…..”

Whatsapp D Average, Woke D Average, Spiritual D Average, Pro Black D Average, Ashleigh Sean Rolle….please hear me out: Its ok.

Look at me….its ok.

We ALL feel the same way.

Some have lost jobs. Some of us don’t know if we even have a job to go back to. Some of us have real mental issues and are now having to cope with this curfew alone. Abuse has gone up, sexual and otherwise and honestly, the biggest effected…..sweethearts.

Y’all we have to pray for them and put the armor of (a lesser) God around them.

“Oh ye sweethearts, many and vast.
Laying down knowing, he won’t text thine ass.
And though within thine despair, your emotions trigger.
Maybe it’s time to dm that essential ass nigga.”
By Drew #BelliesBreakingDownEverywhere

These are terrifying times. NO ONE knows whats going on. And that’s the silver lining in this.

Dorian was personal.

We felt that and had to deal with that by ourselves. We got international help after it destroyed us. But with this? The WORLD is going through this. We are LITERALLY all in this together. I know it’s easy to lean on conspiracy theories, fake voice notes, bullshit arguments and whatever some social media influencer says to you or does. Its a comfort. It makes you feel secure to believe that there is some villain like 5G, the government or…I don’t know….Pork, behind all of this. But, and I mean this in the best possible of ways, that’s really fucking stupid, beloved.

If there was EVER a time to get straight documented facts its now.

Being D Average is not cute during a goddamn pandemic. Stop with the conspiracy theories and bullshit you don’t understand and just be normal like the rest of us and pretend like you’re a chef/athlete, model/socialite like everyone else in the asylum.

“Ok guys so I’ve decided to start my own cereal making and water boiling channel on Instagram Live. And stay tuned as I do the 365 push up challenge extended by another out of shape person who did their pushups wrong to begin with Lisa!”

Beloved, this is the most pushup videos, “here’s what I’m eating” pics I’ve posted in my goddamn life. I posted a picture of my food on….I can’t believe I’m saying this…..a whatsapp status. Who the fuck am I even now?

The SECOND y’all see this pop up on my social media just call Sandilands and remember me as I was.

None of us know what to do with ourselves. I went to pee this morning and me dick looked at me like….

Actual footage of my penis terrified of me going to XNXX.Com for the 14th time today

We don’t get to choose the things that fix us.

Coping is purely subjective.

But you’re endangering EVERYONE by being willfully ignorant. You’re endangering our parents, grandparents….

My grandmother, from the quote earlier, died a few weeks ago during the surge of this pandemic. Not from corona, just cause that’s what happens when you’ve been alive for 97 years, married for literally 69 years and you hear the man on the tv say “Outside will kill you most likely”.

I couldn’t even call what we had a funeral. I couldn’t even comfort my mother because I still have to work so I didn’t want to chance me touching her because my immune system is fine but hers is flawed. That broke my heart. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to prioritize breaking the rules to stay home to protect me and my family from a virus I don’t understand, that has no known cure, all so I can go to the beach and be with other D average niggas and like man rebelliously.

Y’all scared of gay marriage but your boyfriend/husband is breaking actual laws to be outside with a bunch’a niggas not 6ft apart. Lol…wild

If handsome is as handsome does then D Average is as D Average does.

Y’all are doing a lot during this crisis and its telling.

Do less.

“And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail,
And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal;
And the might of the Gentile, unsmote by the sword,
Hath melted like snow in the glance of the Lord!”

Be safe tho