The Top 7 Baddest Bahamian Men (According to Science & Math)

By Drew

Bahamian men are a rare breed. Well….that is if you let Bahamian women tell it. In truth we are no better and no worse than any other men on the planet. But if you’re not well traveled then everything is special, new and rare. That’s how we ended up with this chick….

Never have I seen such potent and alarming niggadry in my 37 years of life

Alas, some well travelled women may disagree with that sentiment as they too may find it that Bahamian men are just the worst. Like they haven’t caught up to us in the sweethearting/cheating department. Oh, I see y’all out here. Wanna find out just how much Bahamian women cheat? Be single for a month. In the infamous words of Alexis Burrows, “Whew chile!”. Women out here spitting game at you with the same energy as niggas.

“…I mean I got a man but that dont mean I cant have friends….what that mouth do tho? Don’t be shy, king….you ticklish?” #iSeeYall

I can’t be out here talking shit about women in these articles all day and not give them the inside scoop. I’m looking out for all my Bahamian queens by letting them know who to trust and who is probably a bad man.

Any Man In A Honda (with cold AC)

I was told when you tell a story you start at the beginning. Hondas are where it all began. Now, let me be clear: I’m not talking about any honda made from 2016 to present. No….those men are saints and were probably blissfully unaware that this was even a thing and if you label them hoes then you’re wrong.

“I want a wife but they just assume I want to feed and fuck them due to my car choice….I just wanted fuel efficiency and comfort!” #itsNotYourFault #ThisIsNotYourFight #AllApologies

No….y’all know the niggas I mean….WOMEN know the niggas I mean….

Ya….him. You know him, don’t get cute #HeJustDropYouToWork

If you see a woman in this vehicle with a man behind the wheel please pray for her as her heart is in danger. He’s about to hurt her beyond words. No man has ever owned a Honda coupe and been faithful. According to the history books this all began when the ’92 Honda came out with the tail on the trunk. Women were lured to it like a moth to a flame. By the time that Beres Hammond, AC, G5 tint and Razz and Cran hit her it was too late.

Keisha just needed a ride to COB…..but little did she know Wado had just gassed up his AC and sprayed the cherry air freshener in the vent as he was taught by the hunters before him and now…..

I don’t know what it is but there’s something about that little bottle of cherry air freshener mixed in with Backwood, Tommy Hilfiger cologne and fresh new jordans that got a bunch of gals pregnant from the 99 to the 2000’s but y’all arent ready for that groundbreaking discussion.

Nothing I say here is gonna save you from that sexual combination so lets move on.

Men That Get Their Haircut More Than Once A Week

Look at me, Bahamian Queens.

No….don’t turn away because your belly starting to break down from these facts.

Look at me.

Heen faithful, beloved. He cheating cheating.

Faithful men get their haircut once a week and let them edges and beard get outta wack for 24-48 hrs then get another cut. That’s typically a 5 day swing. But when your man shape up has never not been tighter than, I imagine, goldfish pussy then….

You thought a nigga with a shape up this crispy was gonna be with you and you alone? LMAO….silly rabbit

Niggas who are comfortable with who they’re with don’t do that extra shit. Look at settled married niggas….they look terrible and tired. Sure you got the random few who stay in the gym or who are just clean niggas…I can concede that.

But, twice a week?

lol….nah that nigga lookin good for you from Monday to Thursday then Friday comes and he out by Twisted Lime with that chick from accounts he told you not to worry about. He even call her ogly to make it spicy.

“Your wife is SOOOOOO lucky….you never not fresh to death!”, said Karen, the homewrecker he told you was a “chill gal”. #StayWoke

While you making sure your edges are laid maybe watch your mans too….just sayin.

“Nice” Guys

Boy y’all love to fall all over yourselves for these fake nice niggas. I see y’all.


I’m lyin?

Meet my boy, tattoo artist and good friend, Jazihno Bizzell…

Note that I look like an unmade bed that fucked a gorilla and he looks like a puppy and a rainbow had sex at El De Barges house and voila! …..they made this nigga.

Everyone that is reading this that knows Jaz is saying the same shit…

“OMG Jaz is such a sweety!!”

“Jaz is just the best!”

“I mean he’s just a real nice guy with a heart of gold!”

See the swing?

Nice Bahamian niggas dont exist.

Y’all dont hear me in this church this morning.






Someone in this church needed to hear this this morning and I’m gonna say it again for the sinner in the back, the woman that has a daughter, for the mother that has a son I said niiiiiiiiiiiiiice Bahamian NIggggggggaaaaaassssss DOOOOOONNNNNNNTTT EXIIIIIIIIIIIIST!!!!!!

We all just wanna fuck…they are just more patient than the rest of us. A nigga like me will give you 2 weeks to get out them draws, at a push, but after that I’m ghost.

“I been feeding you and buying you these drinks and pretending to give a shit about your day for 2 weeks now…I’m sorry but I’m with a jungless now. #YaHateToSeeIt”

Do not confuse me….niggas like Jaz are angels. I’m not kidding. Heres the actual pic along with captions and comments.

We literally have “who can be the nicest” competitions every time we see each other. And we mean every word

But understand he’s nice TO NIGGAS.

He’s not gay so there’s no agenda there. But fuck around and think that same nice guy who is so polite and sweet wont have you bent over a loveseat rearranging your guts and then send you home with a bottle of gatorade and a heart filled with confusion.

“One minute he was reading me a poem he wrote about respecting women and feminism and the next thing I know we were trying to get my panties out of his still spinning Lasko fan”

A word to the wise is sufficient.

Any Man With A Bubbler (Phone)

For my foreign readers (all 1.5 of you): A bubbler is a cheap, not name brand, piece of shit phone that people buy typically if they are in between phones or…..cheat…..A LOT.

Let me explain.

Niggas with bubblers took a step back, looked at the game and made a decision very early on in life that niggas like myself were too blind to see at the time. When smartphones and social media got lit I was like…

“YAYYYYY….more ways to cheat and be bad and really get that high volume of forbidden vagina i’ve been craving…and all at the touch of an app!!”

But bubbler niggas? They was sittin back like….

“This another 5 ways for these gals to contact me and run me up on brakes…..lemme stick to this Razor phone before they catch me slippin!” #aGodAmongstMen #aLegend #SaluteThisMan

He is the Nostradamus of our times.

A modern day John the Baptist heralding the message of things to come. You gotta CALL that nigga. Ain no voice notes and tagged pictures and “likes” in this bitch. ZERO evidence of his movements. He either gonna call you or meet you somewhere…..and they ALWAYS nearby. WHEREVER you are…they nearby.


“You say you out Coral Harbor? I right round the corner….come outside…” #Iconic

I salute you, king. I love to watch you work. God bless.

Men From Jordan Prince William High School

lol this nigga told you he went to a private school when come to find out he went to Prince William and this is with whom you choose to place your faith?

Y’all wild.

You get what you deserve, young queen.

Moving on…

Light Skin Men

The irony here is this entire article was inspired by one of the most powerful lightskin niggas on this island….he holds that sentiment with, I assume, his arch nemesis, Frank aka Miguel (who is also lightskin. Just ask Dakarai).

Harrison Thompson is the Batman to his Joker……its in his eyes. This man just wants to watch the world burn

Harrison made this post on Wednesday and I commented accordingly warning him I would write this article….

…this is how we got here

Now y’all may be thinking that I’m about to go on about how niggas who take gals lunch are bad men or they is cheat….nah.


I want y’all see how these lightskin niggas is get in y’all pants: Their game is mental and its arguably the most powerful game on this island.

I’m slandering y’all good Harrison?

Have you seen the God that lightskin niggas worship?

This picture just simultaneously asked me how my day was going while stealing my girl at the same time

Only reason Harrison ended up being married and a good nigga is because he went to Kingsway. Kingsway tends to kill ones spirit from selling all them cookies, spiritual emphasis week every 3 months and NO GODDAMN POOL!!

Little Johnny doesn’t get to eat with the cool kids whose parents sent them to Anglican schools with pools and racially ambiguous gals. Poor Poor Kingsway students Johnny #PrayForOurKids

But his lighskindedness comes out in other ways… his post. To be fair he’s not lying. Niggas who tryna fuck up your ketosis don’t care about you and are obviously cheating on you.


But light skin niggas? Nah….they in them DM’s as we speak but never on main street. I’ve never seen a lightskin nigga on main….they don’t like statuses or even comment. Fuck around and post that, “my man fucking up”, Facebook or IG post tho.

You know the one.

Above: What she posted #WhyIsItAlwaysTI?

…and when lightskin niggas see that shit….

Above: Every light skin nigga on her profile

…then he hits you with the …..

“..I’m just saying you can do better. Tell me have you heard that lately?”

…but deep down you know he probably texted it like this because he lightskin….

Ya thas them

Honourable Mention

Conchy Joe niggas with tints on their car

Any man that drives a truck/jeep with these gas prices

Niggas that take 7 or more selfies a month.

Gas station niggas


Conchy Joe niggas with fire lens Oakleys


Any nigga that calls himself a “feminist”

Security Guards (ALL)

Niggas that lean forward when they drive

Any man that regularly drinks Bud Light

Any man that says “wow” a lot

Niggas that lick their lips…a lot

Pastors that hug too long

Be safe tho