By Drew
Bahamian men are a rare breed. Well….that is if you let Bahamian women tell it. In truth we are no better and no worse than any other men on the planet. But if you’re not well traveled then everything is special, new and rare. That’s how we ended up with this chick….
Alas, some well travelled women may disagree with that sentiment as they too may find it that Bahamian men are just the worst. Like they haven’t caught up to us in the sweethearting/cheating department. Oh, I see y’all out here. Wanna find out just how much Bahamian women cheat? Be single for a month. In the infamous words of Alexis Burrows, “Whew chile!”. Women out here spitting game at you with the same energy as niggas.
I can’t be out here talking shit about women in these articles all day and not give them the inside scoop. I’m looking out for all my Bahamian queens by letting them know who to trust and who is probably a bad man.
Any Man In A Honda (with cold AC)
I was told when you tell a story you start at the beginning. Hondas are where it all began. Now, let me be clear: I’m not talking about any honda made from 2016 to present. No….those men are saints and were probably blissfully unaware that this was even a thing and if you label them hoes then you’re wrong.
No….y’all know the niggas I mean….WOMEN know the niggas I mean….
If you see a woman in this vehicle with a man behind the wheel please pray for her as her heart is in danger. He’s about to hurt her beyond words. No man has ever owned a Honda coupe and been faithful. According to the history books this all began when the ’92 Honda came out with the tail on the trunk. Women were lured to it like a moth to a flame. By the time that Beres Hammond, AC, G5 tint and Razz and Cran hit her it was too late.
I don’t know what it is but there’s something about that little bottle of cherry air freshener mixed in with Backwood, Tommy Hilfiger cologne and fresh new jordans that got a bunch of gals pregnant from the 99 to the 2000’s but y’all arent ready for that groundbreaking discussion.
Nothing I say here is gonna save you from that sexual combination so lets move on.
Men That Get Their Haircut More Than Once A Week
Look at me, Bahamian Queens.
No….don’t turn away because your belly starting to break down from these facts.
Look at me.
Heen faithful, beloved. He cheating cheating.
Faithful men get their haircut once a week and let them edges and beard get outta wack for 24-48 hrs then get another cut. That’s typically a 5 day swing. But when your man shape up has never not been tighter than, I imagine, goldfish pussy then….
Niggas who are comfortable with who they’re with don’t do that extra shit. Look at settled married niggas….they look terrible and tired. Sure you got the random few who stay in the gym or who are just clean niggas…I can concede that.
But, twice a week?
lol….nah that nigga lookin good for you from Monday to Thursday then Friday comes and he out by Twisted Lime with that chick from accounts he told you not to worry about. He even call her ogly to make it spicy.
While you making sure your edges are laid maybe watch your mans too….just sayin.
“Nice” Guys
Boy y’all love to fall all over yourselves for these fake nice niggas. I see y’all.
No?
I’m lyin?
Meet my boy, tattoo artist and good friend, Jazihno Bizzell…
Everyone that is reading this that knows Jaz is saying the same shit…
“OMG Jaz is such a sweety!!”
“Jaz is just the best!”
“I mean he’s just a real nice guy with a heart of gold!”
See the swing?
Nice Bahamian niggas dont exist.
Y’all dont hear me in this church this morning.
NICE
BAHAMIAN
NIGGAS
DONT
EXIST!!
We all just wanna fuck…they are just more patient than the rest of us. A nigga like me will give you 2 weeks to get out them draws, at a push, but after that I’m ghost.
Do not confuse me….niggas like Jaz are angels. I’m not kidding. Heres the actual pic along with captions and comments.
But understand he’s nice TO NIGGAS.
He’s not gay so there’s no agenda there. But fuck around and think that same nice guy who is so polite and sweet wont have you bent over a loveseat rearranging your guts and then send you home with a bottle of gatorade and a heart filled with confusion.
A word to the wise is sufficient.
Any Man With A Bubbler (Phone)
For my foreign readers (all 1.5 of you): A bubbler is a cheap, not name brand, piece of shit phone that people buy typically if they are in between phones or…..cheat…..A LOT.
Let me explain.
Niggas with bubblers took a step back, looked at the game and made a decision very early on in life that niggas like myself were too blind to see at the time. When smartphones and social media got lit I was like…
But bubbler niggas? They was sittin back like….
He is the Nostradamus of our times.
A modern day John the Baptist heralding the message of things to come. You gotta CALL that nigga. Ain no voice notes and tagged pictures and “likes” in this bitch. ZERO evidence of his movements. He either gonna call you or meet you somewhere…..and they ALWAYS nearby. WHEREVER you are…they nearby.
ALWAYS.
I salute you, king. I love to watch you work. God bless.
Men From Jordan Prince William High School
lol this nigga told you he went to a private school when come to find out he went to Prince William and this is with whom you choose to place your faith?
Y’all wild.
You get what you deserve, young queen.
Moving on…
Light Skin Men
The irony here is this entire article was inspired by one of the most powerful lightskin niggas on this island….he holds that sentiment with, I assume, his arch nemesis, Frank aka Miguel (who is also lightskin. Just ask Dakarai).
Harrison made this post on Wednesday and I commented accordingly warning him I would write this article….
Now y’all may be thinking that I’m about to go on about how niggas who take gals lunch are bad men or they is cheat….nah.
Never.
I want y’all see how these lightskin niggas is get in y’all pants: Their game is mental and its arguably the most powerful game on this island.
I’m slandering y’all good Harrison?
Have you seen the God that lightskin niggas worship?
Only reason Harrison ended up being married and a good nigga is because he went to Kingsway. Kingsway tends to kill ones spirit from selling all them cookies, spiritual emphasis week every 3 months and NO GODDAMN POOL!!
But his lighskindedness comes out in other ways…..like his post. To be fair he’s not lying. Niggas who tryna fuck up your ketosis don’t care about you and are obviously cheating on you.
Duh!
But light skin niggas? Nah….they in them DM’s as we speak but never on main street. I’ve never seen a lightskin nigga on main….they don’t like statuses or even comment. Fuck around and post that, “my man fucking up”, Facebook or IG post tho.
You know the one.
…and when lightskin niggas see that shit….
…then he hits you with the …..
…but deep down you know he probably texted it like this because he lightskin….
Honourable Mention
Conchy Joe niggas with tints on their car
Any man that drives a truck/jeep with these gas prices
Niggas that take 7 or more selfies a month.
Gas station niggas
Niggas
Conchy Joe niggas with fire lens Oakleys
Expats
Any nigga that calls himself a “feminist”
Security Guards (ALL)
Niggas that lean forward when they drive
Any man that regularly drinks Bud Light
Any man that says “wow” a lot
Niggas that lick their lips…a lot
Pastors that hug too long
Be safe tho
