Why Dating In The Bahamas Sucks (And How We Can Fix It)

By Drew

There’s no secret that I’m a huge Wu Tang fan. In fact I’m THIS close to getting a Wu Tang tattoo on me….ya, its that real for me. My favorite rapper alive is Ghostface Killah and coincidentally he is a member of the Wu Tang Clan as well. I think the man is a genius and if you see me walking around with an eagle on my wrist then don’t freak out.

Any man that wears a gold eagle “bracelet” on his wrist should be respected and followed without question #IfHeStartedACultIWouldJoin

Most women find my musical taste lacking to say the least and I get it. I’ve never been easy to date let alone to be with. I can say with no hesitation that I’m a handful. But I’m a fixable handful….not the problematic handful like those people that say toxic shit like, “A lot of men/women cant handle me”.

That’s a weird way to say you don’t know how to communicate and have no idea about conflict resolution on any level outside of your blaring insecurities that you try and weaponize, Shaquana but go off, sis!

It’s because of people like myself and others why dating on this island sucks and it’s time to discuss it.

You read that last sentence right.

I’m fully aware that I’m 100% to blame for a lot of women maybe walking into relationships bitter, triggered, insecure, angry…etc. I have a past and it’s not a pretty one. Trust me, I deserve all the karma that I’m sure will manifest in my children.

“I cant stop you from being a hoe and making me worry some man isn’t doing to you what I did to someone else daughter….thats my Karma. But you will NOT be a vegan…that’s where I draw the line!!” #Boundaries #karma

I can concede my role in all of it. But bad men making calculated mistakes isn’t the only reason why dating on this island is terrible: We also have a serious issue of finding each other.

Let me explain.

Ladies….how long have y’all complained that there are no hard working, single, childless, unmarried, never BEEN married, interesting, and loyal men on this island?

Exactly, old lady from titanic  #Y’allCouldaShareThatRaftByTheWay #iNeverTrustedYou #AllHisLifeHeHadToFight

Here’s the issue….every time y’all say that, I can list legit 10 niggas off the top of my head and couple of them right there in 10thYearSeniors. Not Alexis or Timothy….Timothy faithful to his wife partly because he loves her and partly because…well….

Nigga don’t have eyes so…ya can’t cheat on a gal ya can’t see #iWillNeverStopMakingThisJoke

Niggas, how many times have y’all said y’all are tired of jungless, “tingsy” women, dirty boungies (is this the spelling? Can we all agree on a spelling of “boongie”? Thank you and God bless), women that “need help” not love…etc.

Only stressed out niggas pour Hennessey like this.

But I know a shitload of accomplished, well rounded, not boring women…..like a lot.

So that begs the question: Why aren’t you people meeting each other? Where is the disconnect?

How is it we have Brandon out here not finding smart, successful women so he then ends up with a bad gal who does what bad gals do. Y’all know how they go.

“…ya so I don’t know how I’m gonna pay this rent to be honest so I was hoping you could help out…um….whats your name again? Brian??” #iJustMetYouTho #IneEvenHitItYet”

But there’s a Chelsea out there with a good job, her own place, her own car….everything an adult should have, that you also have, so no games need to be played AND she has degrees on degrees.

SideBar: Ladies….look here one sec.

Just for a sec, just wanna clue you in on something. In fact I’ll let Dexter say this so it hits different…

Just because you have several degrees and went to college for 10 years does not make you attractive, interesting or worthy to be pursued. You just super good at learning stuff. Stop being mad at niggas cause you think your degrees make you wifey material. It’s the cherry on top but its certainly not the cake.

Y’all be blessed.

So herein lies the issue. We have good/successful women dating goons and good/successful men dating jungless.

How do we fix that?

I truly don’t know.

I do think that acknowledging the problem is the first step. Also maybe coming out your house, being active socially, taking risks….a lot of you miss your blessing cause you’re too busy being picky. Being picky is good but don’t picky your way to a house full of cats, beloved.

Thats one dusty pussy….she also has several cats, I see

You too, fellas.

A lot of you niggas out here talkin bout you need a woman in shape, under 25, beautiful, faithful, cook, clean and all that. But y’all look like this tho….

How you a thigh snack away from actual death but wanna make demands, beloved? #sitSmall #iMeanTryToSitSmall

But the problems don’t begin and end with people finding people that are equally yoked. On the contrary I see some young professionals who find each other and it looks good on paper until you get the report and boy…..alotta y’all is be lying on social media lets just put it like that.

Stop me if you heard these before….

“Bey, she spent the whole date talking about how she pays her own bills and what all she accomplished and what she expects from niggas….I only ask this gal how her day was tho….”


“Girl, he was going on about his promotions and how much he makes and his weight/fitness expectations for his lover….then, when I was dropping him home, cause heen have no car….. “ #PardonMe?

These the same people on Facebook and Twitter talkin bout…


Look at me, beloved.

Sometimes its not that men/women suck.

Sometimes you just boring, not interesting and narcissistic.

Sometimes….its just fucking you sis/bro.

You may be the problem.

Alotta y’all need to absorb that so go take a walk. Everyone else enjoy this adorable gif. Lol…he thinks he’s people.

Listen, I have good friends around me.

No one on this earth loves to remind me of how fucked up I am more than Kenny, Dakarai, Nal and Kenton. It’s literally their favorite thing to do to humble me. A lotta y’all need a Kenny, Dakarai, Nal and Kenton in your lives cause y’all let y’all friends gas you into thinking you’re awesome when you’re objectively not.

Gals be out here on some…

“No, girl, you are awesome and perfect and  you never healed from your last dude and to be honest you are pretty annoying he doesn’t deserve you. NEXT!!!”

Same for y’all niggas.

Nay….ESPECIALLY y’all niggas.

ALL your ex-girlfriends was crazy, bro?


“Bey, after 8 years of cheating, verbal abuse, 2 kids and several stds she wan leave me off air! Gal crazy, bro!”

Lol…let me fuck around and dare say that to any of my aforementioned friends.

Me: “Bey y’all know this gal batshit crazy. She is trip out for nothing!!”

My friends:

Keep honest people around you.

People who will tell you you’re annoying and maybe a bit too arrogant. Friends that will tell you that you’re just not perfectly awesome at blending your makeup.

Ladies, please check on your (not)strong makeup friend. They need you more than you’ll ever know

Friends that will tell you that if you a nigga over 30 with cornrows and not a millionaire that you’re probably gonna scare gals away just off the strength of that alone.

Pictured above: Every woman on a first date with a 39 year old man with cornrows

I’m just saying.

Also, ladies…..men are allowed to have standards.

Please stop thinking that your education, success, talents or because you’re an “influencer” means you’re deserving of our time. You could be all those things and still be ogly or boring or really annoying. Especially these influencers….y’all gas them and have them thinking they cute to the point where they develop American accents and a false sense of entitlement.

I imagine y’all had to take another breather so here’s a gif of puppies. Look at them….I love all of these children

Gentlemen….because you drive a nice car, have a great job, big house, and travel a lot does not make you interesting or worthy of any woman. Unless you have a boat….that seems to be the universal cheat code.

He’s pretty close for a nigga that met this woman 10minutes ago but….you know….boats

And let’s end the double standard when it comes to physical appearance. I’m looking at you, Bahamian women.

Y’all know what I’m talking about.

Women can go on Facebook on some…

“Why do these short niggas keep staring at me? You wanna play a game on my phone, lil man? #iDontLikeShortNiggas #iDeserve”

Y’all can talk about how niggas broke, short, fat, stupid, uneducated…..I mean y’all go off. Then the minute a nigga is like…

“I don’t know…..I don’t think I want a woman who is 820lbs”



Ummmm…..some of y’all single cause y’all ogly, fat, skinny, not thick, broke, uneducated…..I dont know….pick one. Or it could be you’re a terrible person.

The same way a lot of men are single cause, and say it with me now, they’re ogly, fat, skinny, not thick, broke, uneducated….I don’t know…Pick one.

But let’s end this bullshit where y’all are allowed to pick us to pieces but we gotta act like ALL y’all are perfect.


Y’all want a tall, tatted, muscled up, fine nigga and we wanna be able to have a preference too without judgement.

My type? My woman is perfect….Ine compromise.

Thanks for seeing beyond Jazhinos sluttiness and seeing me as your king. #LoveYouMeanIt

It’s time to start talking.

It’s time to start dating and pursuing and making moves….ALL of us.

Yes, ladies. Y’all fought for equality so here you have it. Y’all gotta shoot your shot too. Stop slow blinking and, kinda but not really, looking at niggas and expect them to get the hint. Get in them dms and wave and “Hey big head” these niggas till you find your husband, boo boo.

Shit….we like morning texts too.

“Morning, sugar dick. What that mouth doin lil later?”

His reaction will FOR SURE be….

First of all will you marry me and can I have your kids? #Wifey #TheOne #iScared

This is a war, kids and you don’t get participation trophies in this bitch. You get old, get cats, get fat or end up alone thinking about how you should have shot your shot when your dick/vagina worked.

Goddamn it, rose we get it…..your vagina AND ex bf are dead…we get it. Geez

It’s tough out there. I don’t know who its worse for…..the men or the women …..I just know its bad. So let’s get out there and make some bad decisions and make some positive mistakes.

I know I did. Remember Ghostface Killah from earlier? I thought he was the best and only good rapper from the Wu. I was so distracted that when I finally got into Inspectah Deck, Raekwon, Method Man, RZA, GZA (not U-God) ODB and Cappadonnas catalogues I was already too much in love with Ghostface’s music to give the rest of them a fair shot.

Don’t be me. Don’t get distracted by what you think is ALL someone, something or this island has to offer. Ignore the noise in the market…..there are good options out there on both sides.

Maybe someone needs to create a Bahamian Tinder or PlentyOfFIsh? What could possibly go wrong?

…oh….ya, forgot about that. Ok, nevermind


Be safe tho