Why The Next Bahamian Prime Minister Needs To Be A Millennial

By Drew

The Bahamas claims to be many things. If we’re being honest a lot of them are just blatant lies. We are not a Christian nation…that ship sailed a long time before that pastor whispered in that voicenote; trust me.

This obviously isn’t him but doesn’t it look like maybe it is tho? #YouHearMeHoney?

If it’s one thing we’re not its progressive. We’ve been voting in the same 12 or so guys on rotation for always…. more or less. We act like we care about things but all we need is one little distraction and we’re right back where we started.

“I just got the LPIA contract AND the post office…who can we find to say something stupid in parliament to distract niggas? Wait…where that MP for Mical who has 2 or 3 degrees? #SheKnowsNumbers”

Lets’ be honest…we’re not doing well politically at the moment and my fear is that next year, everyone will just vote PLP because Minnis is “Minnis-ing” and we’ll miss our blessing. Maybe lets’ not miss our blessing and vote for who we hoped Branville McCartney would have been; maybe it’s time to vote in someone not minutes away from death…maybe it’s time for the millennials to shine.

Given years of letting our parents and grandparents dictate to us who to vote for and why…because, keep it 100, half of y’all are FNM and PLP because you were conditioned to be. Same way we were conditioned to believe that a virgin gave birth to a baby that moonwalked on water that he also turned into wine sometimes to keep the party going.

Don’t blame me, beloved; I ein tell y’all that. Blame your (my) parents.

“Ok so Jesus is white, the FNM is literally the only thing that matters and I beat you because I was super stressed out at work came home and decided to download my insecurities and failures onto you because you were near my body I love you.”

So, if we can admit that, then we are closer to answering the question…why not a millennial?

Honestly…why not?


Because we’re “younger” and don’t have “crippling athritis”?

Let me get this straight; we have politicians literally stealing our money, overpricing and taxing us to pieces and using our taxes to afford their families lifestyles we can only dream of. We have a church that collects tithes every Sunday and…stop me if you heard this one, uses our tithes TO AFFORD THEIR FAMILIES LIFESTYLES WE CAN ONLY DREAM OF….and y’all mad because millennials are like,  “We don’t want to wear stockings in the heat” or “I don’t know…maybe we shouldn’t beat kids with wood anymore?”

Looka the SAC alumni ready to fight for their rights to beat children with wood. YEESH #YouWereWrong #StAugustinesCult

Now, let’s be real clear…when I say millennials, I mean from the 80’s babies and up. I DO NOT mean the…how can I put this….mumble rap, easily offended, lil niggas in womens jeans wearing, pseudo feminist on Instagram half naked trying to convince the world she’s “owning her body” and not thirst trapping ass kids.

This is not a thirst trap…this is a woman owning her curves, living in her truth, and showing us a hint of her birth canal #GodBlessTho

I mean the ones with common sense.

Let me make this easy for you right quick.

I don’t want to be dramatic but I would have sacrificed my little sister to a lake of hellfire for this man. #iSaidWhatiSaid #NotSorryDanielle

If you didn’t immediately start humming to this then I am NOT talking to you and I’ll ask you to, respectfully, fuck off.

Thanks for reading tho and do come again.

Now that we got that sorted, I have a question…why not now and why not us?

And by “us” I don’t include myself in that, because y’all REALLY don’t wanna see me in politics. Trust and believe it would be an all 10th Year Seniors parliament. Imagine that…

“Ok so Dakarai is minister of Finance, Renaldo is Minister of Sports. John is white so that locks down the Lyford Cay and Blair vote, Ashleigh is minister of sanitation….”

That’s facts.

But it’s time to take charge and, the thing is, we have the numbers. The old guard is dying out. The staunch PLP and FNM supporters are more or less either dead or on their way and we’re all that’s left. Well…us and my 102 year old grandmother, who will probably be up and ready to vote in the next election.

Above: My grammy gleefully on her way to vote party over politics

There is a silent war going on in this country. We see it every day. A war between millennials and “the others”. You know who I mean.

People her age #She’sMadAtMeAndOnlyMeICanTell

Look around your office. Unless you work for some young company like Island Luck or…I don’t know…Conch and Cone…the entire top level are old folks and trust: They are ALL stuck in their ways and refuse to change. Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

“Well I’ve been doing this for 86 years and this is just what and how we do it so…take your fancy internet and college learning elsewhere. Who ya people is anyway?”

Don’t confuse me: They have a lot they can teach us and a lot to offer in terms of consultation and teaching us things that worked in the past. You should never forget where you came from and what they did to get us to where we’re going. But majoritively?

There is no vision.

I’m lying?

We’re heading towards the future?


BPL just bought 462 of these to “lower” power bills. But y’all not ready for this adult conversation

We have sun 362 days of the year and these niggas bought MORE diesel generators. Niggas rather use oil that we don’t produce rather than THE FUCKING SUN THAT IS FREE ALWAYS. That’s not vision…that’s politicians lining their pockets.

Here’s the issue: We’re broke and lost as individuals. The oldheads have ruined the economy and are ensuring that we stay broke. And, don’t give me the lines about buying homes and having capitol. Houses in the 70’s cost like $5,000. Cars were $10,000 brand new. And, the one thing that hurts my heart the most…

A KFC 2 piece used to be $2.99…ine forget #LestWeForgetGethsemene

So, you can run as independents all you want. It won’t work and you won’t win.

I’m sorry but all y’all “independents” who have good hearts and empty pockets, I know you mean well but that’s just the harsh reality.

It won’t happen.


I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, but you don’t have the capitol and Bahamians are fickle. We like pretty things but we don’t SUPPORT pretty things. You’re no better than these Bahamian “influencers” who y’all gas on social media, ‘cause they have y’all thinking they doing big shit.

600 likes in 5 minutes, 120,000 followers, clout for days, not as cute as 600 likes in 5 minutes in person……broke and living at home/with their spouse. #BahamianInfluencers #AllY’allBroke #MeToo

I’m not saying give up on your dreams of running the country…in fact I’m saying the opposite…I’m saying team up, form a party and lets’ actually have a parliament of young progressive minds running this country instead of the same old men that only want to get rich off VAT. Shit…y’all was ready to march for Ranard Henfield and we all see how that panned out.

Remember when  y’all march in the hot sun only for him to join what y’all was actually marching AGAINST and then he lie bout stopping a fight at a pizza joint? This chamomile hitting this evening tho #IsThisYourKing?

See, here’s the thing; we don’t mind politicians helping a friend out with a contract. I already told y’all what I would do if 10th Year Seniors got in power. All of us would eat. 

We don’t mind that.

What we don’t like is when a job that costs $10,000 is contracted out for $120,000. THAT’S when we have issues. There’s getting fed and then there’s getting fat…none of our political parties seem to know the difference.

We need weed legalized. We need to acknowledge social media as an asset and monetize it not demonize it. We need leaders that won’t be bullied and will stand. We need gay marriage legalized. We need to dissolve the Christian council. We need ALL government offices staff audited, renovated and pushed into the technological future, and not remain broken and stagnant. Have you tried to get your passport renewed?

“Ok you have a cup of your great grandmothers afterbirth. Now we need you to fight that large man over there and come back with his left testicle. Then come back here and we can get started on stage 2 of the process. #its2019ByTheWay

Neither the FNM nor the PLP are going to do ANY of the things I named above and you can believe that. But one millennial can’t do it alone. But, if a party was formed, I would hope we wouldn’t do it the way it’s being done. I would hope we would bring on likeminded YOUNG individuals with vision to carry us beyond pandering to the Christian council, stupid rallies and free t-shirts.

Ok,  keep the free tshirts cause lord niggas love a free tshirt. #CantWinWithoutEm

Here’s a crazy idea: Why don’t we have actual debates about the issues?

Not just politicians on soap boxes attacking the other party and just straight up fucking lying their asses off. As long as there is free food, rum and t-shirts our parents were entertained and so were some of you.

No policies mentioned. No real intellect on display. But the wings and beer hit different when you’re with ignorant ass old people who voting party regardless among friends.

So, who do I have in mind? Who should join this super millennial party?

Well, the options are right in front of our faces. Here’s a few young visionaries that could turn the tide and really take us into the future.

Joey Gaskins

Myles “Chairo” Munroe aka MrLeaveTheGymEarly

Darron Kyran Turnquest

Terneille Burrows

Sebas Bastian

Kenny Mackey

Gina Knowles

Rissie Demeritte

Gail Hanna

The False God Ricardo Wells

Kendeno Knowles

Megan Minus

Ryan A. Knowles

Ian Ferguson

Shaunae Miller

Jamal Moss

Alexis Burrows

Travis Miller

Steven Cartwright

Adam Treco

Tracee Dorestant

Elaine Sawyer

(Please feel free to add more names in the comments)

They have the intelligence, vision and common sense to collectively take us to the next level if we let them. But as long as the present day 2 party system and flailing 3rd party option are our only options we’re doomed.

Doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

Doomed to sit back and watch as they embarrass us, use us, tax us and then a month before elections, gas us into thinking “they’ve changed”.

Politicians on this island use you like an ex bf/gf on crack.

“Got any more of them votes, baby? I promise I’ve changed. You see how I cut the grass in your neighbourhood park and added a swing set? Come on, baby… daddy needs these votes!!”

Understand I can’t speak for the intentions of whoever decides to take the helm. Maybe y’all should get Sebas to lead since he has the capitol, but, if I was him and had his money I would have moved a LONG time ago. I’d be somewhere in Nova Scotia in a cabin watching my facebook timeline and laughing at niggas.

“Lol….its 2037 and BPL still running on diesel….boy niggas dumb. #Thoughts&PrayersTho #ItsAboveMeNow”

I don’t like people, I love my space AND I’m Sebas rich?….I wouldn’t want to be bothered.

But, if his head, or any of the aforementioned, should swing today or tomorrow and decide to make these politicians shit bricks because, to be clear, educated active millenials are their worst nightmare, then…who knows.

Maybe…just maybe…we can move a bit upward.

Maybe we could move onward.

And instead of greedy politicians who could give a shit about us because, make no mistake…they don’t give a shit about us…

Maybe we could do this together.

…its’ fun to dream.

Be safe tho.