Bahamian Female Privilege (And Where To Find It)

By Drew

 

There is a fallacy among Bahamian women that there is no Bahamian female privilege. That we walk around and take advantage of being men in a country where majority WOMEN voted no to equality and Shaunae Miller having some superhero baby that would have been born Bahamian if they weren’t so short sighted.

Women in Nassau have privilege and they control more of this populous with said privilege than they believe. Don’t get me wrong, men will always hold sway to bias and things typically tend to lean our way in the majority of situations. Men, by default, are over privileged. However, we’d be remiss to not acknowledge that there are small pockets of female privilege everywhere on this island and we need to address those pockets and shed light on them…..for the culture.

 

Light skin privilege

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Woman who isn’t dark walks into establishment and shuts shit down on the strength of being light skin and not fat. For some reason once we establish that you’re light skin with some semblance of normalcy then we, men, automatically assume you’re good looking. Just a heads up, but that time is ending.

A great majority of y’all ogly and we need to deal with that shit.

I don’t even blame y’all.

My thing is stop walking around like your shit doesn’t stink just cause you light skin.

What makes me mad is all these gals have to do is not be dark and they automatically start to put their nose in the air as if they’re better than everyone else. Puerto Rico got an object lesson in the fact that we’re all niggas in the end when that harricane (yes, harricane) hit them last year and Trump STILL hasn’t found a fuck to give.

Listen, if you look good you look good but just because you’re not as dark as Hondalaquinta them doesn’t mean you’re fine. Unless you’re light skin with a body at which point a nigga may support your efforts….for cultural purposes of course. Which brings me to my next issue…

 

Thick Girl Privilege

The minute a Bahamian female turns 25 and her ass doesn’t drop due to multiple child births, all of a sudden they think they own the world. Just because you have a little body on you, sans a gussymae stomach, does not mean you look good.

You just solid, love.

Please believe your nigga will cheat on you with a flat ass heavy chested chick off air because niggas.

Niggas don’t discriminate, you can have the biggest ass and thighs in the world and they will cheat on u with the girl next door with no ass and have just as much fun. Yes, I’m a leg and ass man by trade and just recently a fan of boobs but I know from whence I came.

I can’t fuck with you if your thighs don’t touch.

But rest assured that its ALL Gucci from behind may you be flat or “gifted”. You lose your memory real quick once she bends over.

Thickness is not next to godliness. Be humble, Ladies.

 

Good Hair Privilege

I’m seeing a lot of females walking around like because their hair has a little kink that they deserve the world. Beloved, your hair may have a kink but after niggas take you out and get you where they want you please believe that hair don’t mean shit. A lot of you ladies act like your hair is a weaponized nuke ready to blow niggas minds because you actually swim with your head in the ocean when you go to the beach.

I won’t lie, I bragged for a long time about how I never dated a chick with a weave/wig in my whole sexual career. Then I turned 30 and realized weave is life and sometimes you just gotta roll with it when necessary.

I rather deal with a real chick with a good ass wig than tolerate an annoying female with a head full of “good hair” and pretend like her kinky arrogance isn’t annoying.

I’m glad you only need water to get your curls but understand that’s only a novelty for niggas that haven’t traveled past Miami is all I’m saying. Riddle me this: would that nigga still be with you if you DIDN’T have that hair?

#BeSafeTho

 

Rich Girl Privilege

This above all else bothers me because there are SO many ogly rich Bahamian females that feel like they look good because of their parents money.

Babygirl, no……that does not make you any more cute or any more dateable. You’re a luxury that we tolerate because its fun not paying always.

And miss me with the “all women are beautiful” bullshit.

No they’re not.

All women aren’t beautiful the same way all niggas ain cute. Absolutely some of you are gorgeous AND rich because rich ogly niggas tend to marry beautiful women.  Niggas know you ogly they just also know that their future is secured.

Yes you can afford the “good” weaves and “good “ clothes but stop being surprised when that nigga is cheating on you with a chick still wearing Mucka Mucks and thinks calamari is a city in Europe.

 

Independent Female Privilege

So you got a degree, studied hard, bought your own house, your car, your jewelry etc etc. You’re a good little saver as well as a studier. You have more papers, accolades and degrees than any of these hoes and you let them know it goddamn it!

Ladies please understand that just because you have all of that does not mean that you’re guaranteed the nigga of your choosing.

Get those degrees and shit for you and you alone  because in these streets niggas will have a full relationship with a chick with a boyfriend, 1/2 a  BGCSE, no car and uses the phrase “jeans pants”.

I know Scandal and Insecure told you that a plethora of dick would come your way if you were educated and didn’t need a nigga but you missed the lessons within Basketball Wives and Love and Hip Hop which should have told you that niggas fuck anything with a pulse and a good weave.

We’ll see if you’re smart after but for now….what that mouth do, beloved?

A lot of yall out here smart as shit but don’t know how to season Kraft dinner and that’s a problem for me.

Good for you for being smart but a personality and humility goes way further than your degree, love, I promise you.

 

Girl Boss Privilige

Boy y’all think y’all girl bosses…lol.

What amazes me is every chick I know with the girl boss hashtag is either broke, living at home or is 100% unaware that the chick that CREATED girl boss is not only bankrupt but making all of her money on the idiots that think they’re girl bosses.

All the ACTUAL female bosses I know don’t even make statuses.

I can go down the line of females I know that never have a word to say about what their everyday consists of. But some chick has an idea to make dresses out of coconut bark and all of a sudden they’re a girl boss.

I support Bahamians and I love entrepreneurs but because you have a dream and an idea does not mean you’re entitled to be supported for said shitty dream/idea.

I would love to quit working and pursue writing and gymming full time. But my adult obesity and daddy issue drinking habits won’t allow me to not be gainfully employed with a 9 -5 is all I’m saying.

Follow your dreams but maybe keep that 9-5 in the event shit goes left…..also, YOU’RE NOT A BOSS. Giving real life head doesn’t mean you have to swallow your pride I promise.

 

Skinny Girl Privilege

Repeat after me, children.

Just because you’re skinny does not make you model.

Say it again….say it in the mirror.

Say it when Timothy convinces you that you could be a model because you don’t have diabetes. Say it when niggas compliment you. Are you gorgeous and worthy of love? Absolutely. But far too often I’m seeing a lot of you females take up the mantle of “model” because some Bahamian photographer convinced you it was your calling.

Your calling is to not die of high blood pressure and heart disease…

We don’t need to hear you insult your other female counter parts about how you “eat everything and don’t gain weight”. Its probably true but no one is trying to hear that when biggie sizing their meal is an actual life or death decision.

You’re young, skinny and alive…..congrats.

You deserve happiness, love, respect and not to have other women belittle you for the gift of a fast metabolism but, beloved….

YOU ARE NOT A MODEL.

I’m fully aware that men get paid more just for having dicks, we more or less run the country and we get our way more often than not. So you can stop violently typing, Bahamian feminist lady.

I can admit that I was born with a leg up just for being a tall(ish) nigga with an education. But, that being said, can we also admit that there a good number of you out here winning at life and or complaining about it just off the strength of your own privilege? I’m fully aware that niggas will probably think twice about fighting me or just plain shoot me because I’m not little. That’s a luxury of being a big guy. So if I can admit that then you guys can admit that light skin women get treated differently, independent women think they are deserving of the highest quality of penis and thick women act as if their ass covers up for all of their flaws?

In the end I think what we all need to learn is that, once again, we’re all equal. Stereotypes be damned, we need to treat everyone fairly and, for the love of everything, just admit that JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE SKINNY DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MODEL.

 

Stay woke.

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