#TALLTAKES: It Actually Happened

No not the World Series, I mean that happened but the title isn’t about that. We’re talking about this column. You asked for it (and by “you” I mean absolutely nobody), and now it’s back. A lot of dumb things happened this past week, I’m going to talk about it in my weekly column: Tall Takes.


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The Cubs being a good team might be a thing to the younger of you, but to everybody over 18 the Cubs are the lovable losers, the occasionally fun loving team that played in the cool old park who were never a serious threat to win anything. They haven’t won a World Series since 1908 so what reason did we have to believe that would they win now?  But they erased all that with a 8-7 win over the similarly historically woebegone Cleveland Baseball team (not gonna call them by their dumb name) in a thrilling 8-7 game that went into the 10th inning last Wednesday.

It’s one thing to win a world Series playing for the New York Yankees or the San Francisco Giants, teams that are expected to be on contention for the World Series every year to the point that it’s kinda weird when they aren’t winning. But being on a member of for the World Series Championship Cubs means you can pretty much go anywhere in Chicago and never have to by a drink  pretty much forever. To the victor goes the spoils I guess.

The Cleveland team should really look into changing that name and logo because one can’t help but think they lost on the strength of bad karma seeing as they’re named after a slur and have a crude stereotype as a mascot depicting a group of people that were genocided off the face of the earth (that’s not a word but you know what I mean).

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Fuck this logo is what I mean


The Warriors Lost… Twice

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Once on opening night to the San Antonio Spurs and a Kawhi Leonard who, on the strength of his warm disposition and freakishly large hands went bonkers on the team from the Bay Area.

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A photo of Kawhi happy/sad/mad/flirty/sleepy/sick

then again to an upstart Lakers team being coached by their former assistant coach Luke Walton (I watched him play in college when I was a teenager and it feels weird to even say that).

And everybody who hated the fact that new Warriors forward Kevin Durant did what normal people wish they could do in to a work to a place where he thought he would fit in and be happy are having the best week ever.

Those guys should get their kicks while they can and take those losses with a grain of salt. Sure Kawahi seems to be making a leap this season with the departure of elder statesman Tim Duncan but the Lakers are a terrible team despite the promise of young players D’Angelo Russell and Brandon Ingram who caught the Warriors slipping on the second game of a back-to -back after an emotional win over Durant’s former team, the Oklahoma City thunder.

The Warriors will have Durant fully integrated by spring and we’re going to forget this even happened.

Don’t read too much into it is what I’m saying.

Buddy Hield it putting it all together.


His New Orleans Pelicans team is legitimately awful outside of mega-talented power forward Anthony Davis, but Bahamian shooting guard Buddy Hield got off to a rough start going a combined 4 of 16 on field goal attempts in his first two games before settling in and scoring double digits in his next three.

It isn’t much and the Pels lost every single one of those games but what’s apparent from watching the season play on is that Buddy initially seemed hesitant to assert himself on a team full of NBA veterans and that the speed of the game and the size of the players around him seemed to be somewhat overwhelming. Through the end of the first week all that seems to be changing. Look for him to have a huge scoring game against someone real soon.

LSU lost to Bama on Saturday

Nobody with a passing knowlege of college football expected LSU to beat Alabama. I mean they fired their head coach this season and Alabama is probably the most dominant team I’ve ever seen in my life, and I grew up a fan of the Miami teams of the early 2000s. I only wanted an excuse to share a video of Louisiana State Interim Head Coach Ed Orgeron. That guy is an absolute riot.

I mean listen to this guy, he should do the voice-over for every animated version of the XMen character Gambit.

Solange Performed on SNL

This is a really big deal.

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I’m kidding. Nobody, cares anything about Solange outside of the cool people who put screenshots of her album playing on her phone on social media because they think us less cool people give a shit. And the truth is probably that they don’t even know any of the songs she sings because nobody knows the songs she sings because…she’s Solange.

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“I need to break the monotony of selfies with “deep” captions but I REALLY NEED your likes”

The most important thing Solange ever did with her life was come from the same womb as her much more talented sister Beyonce, the second most important thing she did was not die up to this point. It was clear watching her performance that she didn’t belong on SNL, she doesn’t belong in the public consciousness (except for that time she tried to whoop her brother-in law on the elevator, that was pretty funny).

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JR Smith Endorsed Hillary Clinton

At a rally in Ohio yesterday along with his much less known teammate, some guy named Lebron James.

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So nice of JR to let him speak…whoever he is

If this doesn’t lock Ohio up for her on Tuesday then goddammit nothing will. I mean he helped to make Cleveland a winner, he’s a great father to his daughter and he didn’t put on a shirt in the span that Cleveland won the NBA title until opening day last week.

What I’m saying is that he’s fucking legendary, and if JR Smith says vote for Hillary Clinton I’m going to vote for her, and I’m not even American. I’ll find a way.

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I wonder if Hillary had the privilege to actually meet Earl Smith III. I wonder what they talked about.

Who am I  kidding? I wonder if JR asked Hillary if she wanted the pipe.

How could she say no?