My compatriots love to have sprawling conversations about a vast array of subjects without really having an in-depth understanding of said subjects (see last week’s referendum). Sports is by no means exempt from this kind of treatment. So here are some cold hard facts that casual Bahamian sports fans need to come to terms with before they continue whatever nonsensical discussions they’re having right now.
1: This year isn’t the Dolphins’ year to win the Superbowl. The free agent acquisitions they made won’t help, they never help.
2: Your 5’11” cousin Wado who averaged 9 points per game in the GSSSA and got kicked out of that JuCo in Northeast South Dakota “because the coach didn’t like him” (he didn’t go to class) was never at any point going to the NBA.
3: The Patriots actually existed before 2001, look it up.
4: Jordan was a better player than Kobe by leaps and bounds. Kobe isn’t “the closest one after”, they aren’t close.
5: No you wouldn’t have went to the NBA if you had my height. Because you suck at basketball. Even if you had my height you would have sucked at basketball more than you do now (which is a lot) because you would be less coordinated.
6: Things probably won’t end well for your friend’s little brother who signed with the Dodgers out of 11th grade for $50,000.
7: You can’t beat Ronda Rousey in a fight.
8: The worst player on any major league sports team is a thousand times better than the best player you personally know.
9: The Miami Heat didn’t stop existing on July 11th, 2014 just because you stopped rooting for them. They’re still here.
10. It’s called “Football” pretty much everywhere in the world. Not soccer. And it’s actually the most watched sport in the world. Not The Lakers.
11: The Lakers can’t trade for Klay Thompson. They don’t have anyone good enough, because they’re a shit team. And they aren’t about to be good anytime soon.
12: The Lakers also aren’t going to draft buddy Hield, because there are a couple guys in the draft they would rather have.
13: The Men’s 4×400 relay team probably isn’t gonna medal in the Olypmics this year
14: As of today our country has more players in the WNBA than in the NBA. Maybe you should watch the WNBA.
15: You should watch what Shaunae Miller does this year in the leadup to the Olympics. Even if you don’t care about sports you should watch, because look at her.