Just married couple, holding hands and walking in nature

Sannie And Renaldo Are Getting Married And It Doesn’t Make Sense

I don’t like Sannie.

She’s sarcastic, mean spirited, judgmental and in general just a terrible woman. Renaldo on the other hand is my nigga. Sure he’s sarcastic, mean spirited, judgmental and in general a terrible human being ….but that’s my nigga.

See the difference?

Here’s a picture of he and I trying our hardest to give a shit












I wasn’t home when Renaldo met Sannie. I was in Canada doing God knows who with God knows what. When I came home I was told that Renaldo(Nal) was dating some female to which I did what we all did when we heard….I laughed and kept eating my chicken. Understand folks that Nal dating is like Trump running for president: You’re confused as to why he’s wasting peoples time, you’re not sure why people can’t clearly see he’s a despicable human, and you know 100% that it’s no way in a world that God told us that he loved and would protect that he would let such a travesty occur.

You promised never to hurt us again, Jesus.
You promised never to hurt us again, Jesus.










Much like the Trump precedency run it wasn’t really real for any of us until Nal put on that pastel shade of bitch (pink) and got on one knee and in 30seconds put every unmarried friend he had in the proverbial dog house.


(Picture of proposal “I’m not saying I don’t own a pink shirt….I’m just asking why you picked the day you had to get on your knee to wear it?”)


Renaldo was engaged.

Nal, the nigga who I dropped home one night and watched lay half dead in a pool of his own vomit/choices on his mothers lawn… was engaged. People, do you know the stories his boys have that we can’t tell? I really need people to grasp the fact that Nal is not a good person. Sure he’s an amazing father who is raising Kaizen in a way that makes me look at my own father sideways. And yes he’s gainfully employed and helped build this very website that I’m presently writing for hence giving me something to do outside of violent masturbation and lifting heavy things. And sure he’s been, next to his brother, one of the most consistent friends I have and given me to the point sage advice always….


(Picture of Nal….but look at this nigga….is that a face you can trust?)


But….Nal was engaged.

It didn’t make sense. None of it did. I couldn’t fathom that there was someone out there that could deal with Nals bullshit. Next to my cousin Kenny he is arguably the most miserable human I’ve ever met in my life and all around just shitty. I imagined that some poor light skin girl from a single parent home and rampant insecurities took him in. She would be oblivious to his Nalness and just think he was being cute and endearing when he talked about puppy murder or how much he loves Kentucky basketball.


(picture of UK Basketball logo “This explains the blue jizz in his wedding photos”)

In my mind it was a tiger marrying a gazelle because there was no way any female could be as much of an asshole as Nal.

Then I met Sannie…

I don’t think it was 5minutes into meeting Sannie that I realized that Nal really didn’t have a choice in marrying her. Not that she would put up with his shit. Not because she would turn the other way when Nal is at peak Nal. No, that wasn’t the monster he chose. Renaldo….RENALDO, of all people, found the answer to the question, “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object”.

Suddenly it all made sense. Renaldo had found his match. He had found someone as fucked up, brutal, mean, hilarious and horrible as he was. He found Sannie. (Or Sannie found him. I have no clue what their origin story is nor do I care because some nightmares just shouldn’t be known). Literally 5 minutes into meeting Sannie it made sense to me: Nal had found the Harley Quinn to his joker.

For the layman: The Joker is batmans notorious villain. The one man Batman could not solve or understand…..no one could. The one person who understood him was Harley Quinn. She was his psychiatrist. Understand that Harly Quinn witnessed every form of crazy….until she met her mirror image. Some argue that The Joker made her crazy but I retort that she was always crazy, she just met the one person that gave meaning to her insanity. He was The one person that understood her, accepted her and didn’t judge her for being the lunatic that she was. That folks is the story of Renaldo and Sannie.

They’re both nuts. They interact like a 80yr old couple and their love is a messy ugly thing. She’s low key obnoxious and horrible and he’s visibly grumpy and horrible. When Nal asked me….sorry….TOLD ME I was in his wedding it wasn’t ceremonial. There was no “bro” moment. He literally said one night “Oh, you’re in the wedding by the way. I forgot to tell you.” But that’s Nal. No better no worse. Sannie told me I was fat and wouldn’t find love twice other day. And that’s Sannie, no better no worse. And all things considered, they are the only couple in my life that I can say for certain personify love.

Nicholas Sparks would have you believe that there is a beginning, shirtless dramatic moment, then happy ending. Tyler perry would have women believe that theres a light skin nigga at the end of ever tunnel illuminating the abyss that is your no-yet-married 30something year old life.


(picture of fat girl watching television “…and y’all still waiting”).


There are no movies about 2 whole people coming together and making a life. Stop arguing and note the wording of that last sentence. “2 WHOLE people”. Too often we believe that we have to find our other half. That we’re one half of an unfinished equation and somewhere out there is the answer to that equation. What happens when you know yourself? The Bible says “Blessed are the meek” but it never accounted for the strong and selfaware. I can promise you that Renaldo knows exactly who he is and what he is and he makes no qualms about that. I haven’t known Sannie for long but I imagine she would have to be the same to have said yes to Renaldo’s pink shirt. There wasn’t a lot to “fix” and or “solve” here. Renaldo had Kaizen, Sannie had summer. They’re both obviously really bad at condom use and childrens names but we cant fault them for that.


(Picture of boy and girl twins “My future bastards will be named Gotham and Themyscara…I’m already beating them at parenting”)


When 2 whole people come together then love can happen without the bullshit inbetween. I’ve lived what happens when a broken person who has no clue who/what they are comes into a relationship with someone that knows exactly who they are. Trust me, its no cakewalk. I’ve seen this new love that only exists on facebook and Instagram but behind closed doors is filled with mistrust and lies. I had an ex that was so focused on what people saw that she forgot that life was happening and love was losing. Meanwhile this was happening (picture of Nal and Sannie nal looking miserable “This is Nal in love” Picture of Nal actually smiling “this is Nal drunk”. At first glance I’m sure everyone whispered amongst themselves “Heen even look happy.” But then they forget Nal at his happiest moments doesn’t smile. At his happiest most proud moments Nal does what Nal does…he exists in that moment.

Picture of Nal and Sannie (Heen happy)

(Picture of Nal and Kaizen)

What you see above is Nal at his happiest. I remember that day. I remember how proud he was of Kaizen….how proud he is now. Then I remember him talking about Sannie one day when I asked about her. He didn’t give some poetic speech with everything women thing they want to hear. He was honest.

“She’s my Harley Quinn. She puts up with me when I know it cant be easy cause….you know me. We’re both fucked up but we don’t have to make it work….it just does. Being with her is easy because I am her, and she is me. How do you not marry yourself?”

I asked a question earlier, “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” The answer? Surrender. They surrender. The give up pride, ego, social constructs designed to cast a false shadow over reality. They surrender. One of the hardest things to do in this life is to look into a mirror. You look at yourself and you see the flaws, the ugliness, the what ifs and the mistakes. I cant speak for Sannie but for Nal to lay it all on the table and to reveal all of himself to her emotionally…what a feat. And what a feat it was for Sannie to accept it all. Her whole self became a part of his whole self and they made something more powerful. Something more tangible than the fairy tales we’ve been told are possible. Harley Quinn is the joker in female form she just has a different way of going about her day is all. That is the beauty of Nal and Sannie. They’ve seen the ugliest side of each other and decided its ok. They are crazy alike, they are not sane. But isn’t love a form of insanity?

Love is an accident waiting to happen. You cant force it. It isn’t some boy band where you pick the pieces and try and put it together hoping it harmonizes. Desire is a stranger you think you know and truth is a game you play to win. Nal and Sannie have found their hearts desire and have played the game of truth or fear and found themselves in love. That’s a beautiful thing. TO strip each other down bare, see them for what they are and not only desire them but to accept their truth and move forward to forever. Forever, that’s a long time. But if anyone can do it its these 2 psychos.

Trust each other. Trust your mirror, it wont lie to you. You are each others mirror. If you reflect each other then theres no room for bullshit. Have as much sex as you can as publicly as you can. Fight and make up. Live and let live. Like each other, that sometimes more important than loving. Do random shit as much as possible because monotony destroys monogamy. Be kind to each other. “Thanks for dinner babe”, “You look gorgeous today”, “Your head game was on point last night”……little things like that go a long way. Kiss each others foreheads. Slap each others asses when you don’t feel like being cheesy. Laugh at other people and make fun of them together. Talk shit about each others families and friends and share intimate secrets your friends told you not to tell each other. Do not confuse me, you are not best friends. I don’t cater to that best friend foolishness. Nals best friend is Dakarai and I imagine Sannies best friend is (insert female Disney villain here). You are husband and wife. That’s deeper than any friend ship, best or otherwise. And when all is said and done and the weight of the world comes at you both as life does sometimes, promise to love each other. When there is nothing else and everything is going wrong and you have nowehere else to turn. When that shitty Monday happens or that horrible November, love each other. Because after you cast away the labels, the facebook photo ops, the wedding, the friends, the family, the little hurts, the disappointment, the trust, the short commings and the mistakes….let love be your base. Cast it all away and rebuild on that platform because when you made this decision you made it in love. Now you have to start this new adventure using it as your foundation with which to build on.

Nal, Sannie’s a cool ass female. Any chick that can go toe to toe with Kevin, Dakarai, Nal AND myself and hold her own is wifey material. You got one of the good ones. (Never tell her I said that) Sannie, be good to your “Joker”. He’s a good kid when you get past the other 99 layers of him. He loves you almost as much as he loves Kentucky but he’s also a Dolphins fan so at the very least you know hes loyal against all odds. Its an honor to be a part of your wedding. Thank you for the free food and I pray open bar. But more importantly, thank you for showing an old skeptic that true love still exists.

(Picture of joker and Harley Quin….”Happy Wedding Day you psychos”)