ZURICH, SWITZERLAND - JULY 20: Comedian Simon Brodkin (not pictured) throws dollar bills at FIFA President Joseph S. Blatter during a press conference at the Extraordinary FIFA Executive Committee Meeting at the FIFA headquarters on July 20, 2015 in Zurich, Switzerland. (Photo by Philipp Schmidli/Getty Images)

FIFA is Corrupt as hell

Today, 14 members of the governing body of FIFA were arrested in Zurich Switzerland. They are expected to be extradited to the United States to face charges of corruption, wire fraud, bribery and any number of Jordan Belfortian white collar crimes connected to the world cup bids awarded to Russia  and Qatar for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups respectively.

Hey FIFA guys: do you have any ethical standards?

The United States was pissed that their bid for the 2022 world cup was spurned for Qatar and that’s understandable: The U.S. could host the World Cup in Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi tomorrow (they have a least 10 stadiums between them that can host upwards of 50,000 people each) and those places are considered relative backwater states.  Altogether the U.S. bid involved 70 stadiums, all with capacities of over 60,000 each to host World Cup Matches. Qatar has one stadium that can hold 40,000.  They were rewarded the bid anyway.

To make up for the shortfall Qatar has embarked on one of the most ambitious campaigns of slavery and misery since Europeans discovered black people and Andrew Jackson came to the conclusion that Native Americans shouldn’t be a thing anymore.  They’re currently using slaves to build 5 more stadiums in the scorching desert heat, probably out of the skeletons of said immigrant workers. How did they get the World Cup bid with such a sketchy proposal? Bribes duh.

And now corrupt FIFA officials are paying for it leaving us with questions:

Does the U.S. have jurisdiction to arrest these people?

The Justice Department coming for FIFA officials in Switzerland seems like a stretch seeing as they can’t even get money located in Switzerland that Mitt Romney owes them, and he’s an actual American citizen. So imagine the difficulty involved in getting a rich, powerful official out of Switzerland? Don’t get me wrong, the U.S. arrests people from different countries all the time with dubious jurisdictional claims. But It’s hard to imagine someone getting busted in Switzerland for something that didn’t happen in the U.S.

Switzerland Extradites people?

Switzerland is known as the land of neutrality, sketchy money transactions, and hidden Nazi holocaust treasure.  A place where anything goes, as long as there’s a money amount to it.  Switzerland is the playground for rich criminals as far as I know. Kim Jung Un went to prep school there.   The fact that the U.S. got FIFA guys doesn’t surprise me, the real surprise is that they got them in Switzerland.  I thought rich people can get away with anything there.

What’s going to happen to the people who got arrested?

If they get convicted of anything at all, my guess is that they’ll probably go to the same country club prison that Martha Stewart served her sentence at.  There they’ll eat lobster and play squash. America may be pissed at FIFA, but they’re still rich white guys.

Inmates walking on the grounds within the complex
Not sure if that’s a prison or a University (Getty Images/Joe Raedle)

Does this mean that the World Cup will me moved to a less Slave-ish/Dictator-ish location?

fuck no. The bribes are already paid.