by the 10th Year Seniors Team
We’re sports guys. We may be a well rounded educated group of individuals, but at the end of the day…we’re still sports guys. That means we’re consumed by final scores, rankings and brackets. If you want us to have a firm grasp on something, the best way to do it is to put it in one of those formats. If women did this by the way, it would cut the rate of domestic violence arguments by 90% percent. Almost as confusing, random and illogical as women – was the year 2014. Everyone does a list, but in paying homage to Grantlantd’s Rembert Browne, we took the best, most influential stories of the year and placed it in a bracket, NCAA tournament style to figure “Who Owned 2014” (If Bill Simmons is our sportswriting dad, then Rembert is our sportswriting cool, rich older cousin that was the first to touch a pair of boobs, has all the good snacks and video games at his house).
Analysis Key:
Dakarai Dorsett (DD), John-Marc Nutt (JM), Taige Adderley (TA), Renaldo Dorsett (RD), Andrew Bain (AB)
The Feels Region The Wingman Region The Fleek Region The No Flex Zone
The Feels Region
1) Ferguson & White Privilege vs. 4)Legend of DeAndre Ayton
Ferguson & White Privilege
RD – A definite talking point for much of the year because of the impact it had on so many people. Racism is still probably the easiest of the hot button issues in America (not involving Taylor Swift) and no matter which side of the argument you come down on, the profiling of black boys as dangerous threats is REAL. The imbalance of the American justice system is not a myth.
JM – Presented without comment…..
Ayton
JM- You though it was bad whe the Dolphins drafted Ted Ginn Jr. and his entire family. Just wait for an NBA franchise to draft Ayton and the entire Bahamas.
RD – I know it’s a long way away, but all I keep thinking is we could have the first Bahamian player with international Ad campaigns, signature shoes, Letterman appearances, even a decision (or two) in the future. How long before we let him live in Government House or name a highway after him? He can have the world at his feet and it still wouldn’t be enough to beat white privilege.
Winner: Ferguson & White Privilege
2) Malaysia Air Flight 370 vs. 3) The VAT Debate
Malaysia Air
AB – They cant find Bobby Shmurda’s hat from the “Hot Nigga” video, you think they’re gonna find this plane? Get it together.
RD – Initially I thought it was just a promo for the the LOST movie, or that ABC was bringing it back. As tragic as it was, people forgot about that flight about a month later, Bahamians have been raging against VAT (aimlessly) for about 18 months now.
DD – Yeah I watched LOST.
VAT
DD – Everyone became an economist this year and it was amazing to watch and listen to. A little knowledge on a subject is always dangerous. VAT should move on because hearing people who have an rudimentary understanding of economics is always fun so I’m sure 2015 is going to be great. So once and for all I’m going to explain vat in detail (Nal – no you’re not, fucking nerd).
TG- People will say WAT like it’s the only godamned word they know and will treat the tax like its double the price for everything.
RD – I made absolutely no effort to educate myself on this thing, but I do get the basic premise of taxes. That counts for something right?We need the government to generate revenue to do things? Isn’t that how it works?
Winner: VAT
The Wingman Region
1) 2014 World Cup v 4) J. Cole
World Cup
DD – Who won this? I’m not qualified to talk about this. Oh yeah the Germans. Thanks Messi thanks, The Germans.
RD – I was into the World Cup for exactly two games, both were watched with John and I just got behind Chile because that’s his team. Also I got a shirt from Chile, so there’s that. If I didn’t read Kari’s comments there’s no way I would have even remembered who won this thing.
J.Cole
DD – How many albums has he sold. Do you know what’s getting more buzz than J.Cole? People proud they bought the album. Great have a cookie, here. NO way I let J. Cole lose to the god-damned Germans.
JM – Forrest Hills Drive reminds me of an old Most Def album. Instant classic. If J. Cole were playing in the World Cup he would have beaten Brasil 11-0, and that’s just during the intro.
RD – Great, another few months of hipsters hip hop heads and people that want to feel smarter and better about themselves telling me how “great” this album is. I get it, I just don’t like his music, I think he’s overrated and now he looks homeless. What’s he doing on that roof anyway?
Winner: J.Cole
2) Ebola Scare vs. 3) Anton Richardson & His BFF Jeter
Ebola
DD – America is officially watching to much Walking Dead. CNN covered this like they were routing for Ebola. Anderson Cooper actually said “Please let this be a zombie apocalypse” on live TV. I’m telling you I heard it.
TA – Seemingly a strong number one seed, it collapses due to the fact that people stopped talking about it after the U.S. midterm election. Police have killed more unarmed people than Ebola since it made its way to this side of the world.
AB – Ebola: I dont know when people are gonna stop waiting for Jesus and start preparing for the Zombie apocalypse. Get Woke, earth.
RD – The roller coaster of emotions Ebola sent me on was something I don’t want to relive anytime soon. Wait, we went through it at least three other times this decade (see SARS, Bird Flu and whatever else comes up to fill the 24-hour news cycle). I really only paid attention when they connected Ebola to the possible cancellation of Trinidad Carnival. Then…shit got real.
Antoan/Jeter
DD – The most baseball I watched all year and a Bahamian was involved. Also I write for a sports site. The only questions I had for Anton after this were: So are you and Jeter like boys now? Does he text back or does he just leave you on those blue ticks?
TA – Antoan has captivated more people in New York than Ebola. Slight work for my cousin.
Winner: Antoan/Jeter
The No Flex Zone Region
1) Mathew McConaughey v 4) The Year Of the Shitty Rapper
The McConaissance
DD – Things he said in public this year as he won every award. “Alright Alright Alright”. “I’m my own role model”. Fuck y’all. Ok he didn’t say that last one but the other two essential mean that.
RD – I know actors receive these scripts well ahead of time and work on these projects for years before they actually premiere so McConaughey knew this was coming. He must walk around his house all day listening to Rich Home Quan’s “Walk Thru.” Speaking of shitty rappers…..
The year of the Shitty rapper (Rae Strummard, Young Thug etc)
DD – Aerrlrjjksfhksdhfksdhf;skdf;klsdf ma Lifestyle!
TA – Shit hop has been around since the emergence of Waka Flocka and Wiz Khalifa but along with having some of the most unimaginative names in all of music (it’s just ear drummers backwards assholes) Rae Sremmurd and Young Thug have taken making terrible music to new levels.
RD – Is it bad that I enjoyed the year that each one of these talentless hacks had more than I enjoy J. Cole. I don’t care, I get to like stupid things sometimes. Besides, they get me through my workouts.
Winner: Shitty Rappers
2) The Decision 2.0 vs. 3)10YS Battle 4 Atlantis
Battle For Atlantis
RD – I don’t think most Bahamians grasp how big of a deal it is that we routinely host a tournament this good. I don’t think they grasped that we had a local guy on pace for the NBA playing in this year’s tournament and how rare that is. Does my love for college basketball inflate its importance? Do most people still underestimate because it doesn’t involve numbers or VAT? Yes and Yes.
DD – I’m almost ready to talk about the Lebron Decision. The end of the most successful relationship I’ve ever had. Why Lebron why!!! Oh look Steph Curry.
JM – Akron is a DUMP….. Always remember you were afraid to post up JJ Baera – Papi LeBetard.
RD – Movie Preview Guy Voice: In a world where NBA Execs, owners and front office personnel dictate the direction the league is headed in year after year…One man sought to take control of his own destiny…again. Only this time, instead of the awesome city fast paced, poolside glowing Miami nightlife…he chooses this [pic of Akron that most accurately portrays it looking like a dump]
Winner: The Decision 2.0
The Fleek Region
1) Hacking/Leaked Nudes vs. 4) Gaming Bill
Hacking/Leak Nudes
DD – Sometimes I hate the internet. This phenomenon made me hate the internet. A clear effort to end privacy by the illuminati . There are a lot of f** n***** in the world, they’re your friends (Kev), family co-workers. They must be stopped. Never let a f** n***** win man. Only f** n***** leak nudes though, they’re the worst. Example: Kim Jon-Il aka Lil Kim.
JM – Boobs.
RD – The iCloud leak had Whatsapp on fire for a steady week.Every group shared them, starting with one pic and eventually links to entire databases. It was an example of how mankind can work together and for a cohesive bond when faced with a common objective – looking at celebrity T and A.
Gaming Decision
JM – I voted no and you know what, they still do what they want to do. #nowibe
RD – I still don’t know if it’s 100 percent legal yet and I feel like that referendum, or opinion poll, or however they spun it, was about five years ago and not much has changed. Is this bill really groundbreaking if I still can’t walk into a casino here and play Blackjack? Must my government legislate Blackjack!?
AB – Spent money to analyse it, then spent money to have a referendum, then still went along and did it anyway. And these are the niggas that will be regulating VAT? K
Winner: Hacking/Leaked Nudes
2) Ray Rice/Bill Cosby v 3) ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
DD – Elevators and Cosby show reruns will never be the same.
RD – The two biggest enemies to modern feminism personified. I’m afraid to say anything else about it but I’d like to challenge the rest of the 10YS team to do so. If only I had a bucket…
TA – Coincidentally somebody else in this bracket, Antoan Richardson challenged me to do this. I don’t understand how the hell this became a thing.
JM – How many people did this and didn’t donate? Maybe it was just a social media exercise to bring about “awareness”. Like all of the Bahamas, support your own first before you send money out this country……
AB – The Ice bucket challenge was the Harlem Shake but for cancer or lupus or whatever was killing white people.
Winner: Ray Rice/Cosby
The Elite 8
1) Ferguson & White Privilege vs. 3) VAT Debate
JM – Still Presented without comment. How the hell did VAT make it this far? I feel that this was forced upon us in an untimely fashion.
AB – “Bahamians want to live in an Americanized society but don’t want to pay the toll for such luxuries. Sooner or later this would have to happen its just bad timing that its happening now.” – Sandra Bain (My mom).
Winner: Ferguson & White Privilege
3) Antaon’s BFF Jeter vs. 4)J. Cole
TA – While Antoan has been thrilling people from his legendary high school football career in Florida to his various stops in the minors and his last stint with the Yankees, J-Cole has just put out an album that didn’t put us to sleep last week. Antoan wins on his body of work.
JM – Antoan is the man, his run will be remembered forever. Let me put some emphases on how Antoan made Jeter’s career. This J COLE album will be hot until next month.
RD – Antoan scored the final RBI for the most recognizable baseball player of a generation, became the sixth Bahamian to play in the major leagues and basically forced the government to fast-track the building of a new baseball stadium with his popularity. Hip hop Eyore stopped cutting his hair and made a soundtrack for black hipsters to get laid to.
2) Decision 2.0 vs. 4) Year of the Shitty Rapper
DD – Baking Soda I got Baking SODA! Still not ready to talk about the Decision 2 yet. All I know is you do not lie to Pat Riley unless you want someone who holds a grudge to play IDFWU every time you come to his stadium.
JM – I almost came out with a rap album this year too. Only problem is that I was using actual words and the shit was intelligent. Labels told me to dumb them down a bit and hit them up later, “strawberry pancakes, ya mans fake” . Just wait for it.
Winner: The Decision 2.0
1)Hacking/leaked Nudes vs. 2) Ray Rice & Cosby
DD – Just a juggernaut matchup here it’s all feminism all the time. Know what feminism doesn’t need. More memes. Memes are hurting feminism cause they attempt to condense complicated issues down to the lowest common denominator. Megan Good seems fun.
JM – Ok so what would I rather see? Men punching women or tits and ass. Exactly.
RD – Ray Rice’s situation was bitched so badly by the people in position’s of power above him that some people felt like he became the victim in this scenario. There’s nobody that feels anything but betrayal and creepiness toward Bill Cosby. We should feel some of that same creepiness about staring at the leaked celeb nudes, but Vanessa Hudgens is to Vanessa Hudgens for me to feel anything but smiles.
Winner: Hacking/Leaked Nudes
The Final Four
1) Ferguson White Privilege vs. 4) J.Cole
DD – I have to admit I didn’t see this coming I knew the album would be good even a fan of Born sinner but I didn’t see this coming. J. Cole seems to get it. He doesn’t get lineups anymore but he seems to get “it”.
JM – God damit man where did Antoan go?……
RD – This is the only time in life I’m happy about white privilege getting ahead. As if it needs anyone to root for it though…
Winner: Ferguson & White Privilege
1) Hacking/Leaked Nudes vs. 2) Decision 2.o
TA -Kyrie Irving is a fuck boy. Kevin Love isn’t even that good. Meek Mills is about to tell Dion Waiters he’s the best player on this team. GOOD decision Lebron.
DD – Meanwhile D-Wade and Gabby over here in 75 degree weather like whatever.
JM – Yo Bron K-Love sucks, Kyrie has temper tantums and Tits and Ass are still better than watching you in a shitty ass city.
Winner: Hacking
THE FINALS
1) Ferguson & White Privilege vs. 1) Hacking/Leaked Nudes
RD – There’s only one thing in 21st century society that grabs our attention more than the mishaps of celebrities. The mishaps of celebrities…while naked. Also North Korea. Also No Winter. On second thought, anything remotely close to racism still wins because…’Merica.
DD – When the announcement of the Garner indictment came down the conversation evolved into something much more intense. This was never about anyone one incident but instead a pervasive sentiment that has long been prevalent in the black community to the point that the idea of it became commonplace in the zeitgeist. IT affected athletes like LeBron helped influence/inform the J. Cole album and helped put into perspective the triviality of some sports scandals. White Privilege became a term much like “cultural appropriation”, “gentrification” or “the race card” that everyone began using to, to explain society ills. Instead all it did was marginalize inequalities in that are actually very real and seep into every interaction we have with each other. Says a lot about that this and the continual erosion of privacy were the topics everyone talked about this year. If only in 2015 we could learn from it.
Stay Woke. Stay Committed.
