49 Observations from Battle 4 Atlantis

Walking into Battle 4 Atlantis one thing was abundantly clear, we had to much media equipment not to use valet. I know this doesn’t seem like a real problem, but it was about 300 degrees in the shade today. This will be rectified tomorrow, I don’t care if it cost 2 million dollars to valet this car. That was a walk.

Herschel backpacks dispensed at all 10YS meetings


At least I got to See Charles Oakley. He doesn’t look like he’s slapped anyone yet for the day, Taige is coming late though.

About to slap the shit outta Taige at any moment.

We got in as the North Carolina game was in progress. There are a ton of North Carolina fans here, almost as many that came to see UK play during the summer of Thunder. Here’s why:

Next week they look good though so…..You know feel good about that Tarheels!

Last time the Tarheels were here KJ, Deandre Ayton and Keno Burrows stomped em. If the Tarheels don’t have a good showing here they may never comeback to The Bahamas.

Throwback Thursday #TBT. Bad Memories for Carolina

At the end of The UNC Bench there are four white guys who I’m sure are gonna turn up more than anyone on this team. That one kid third from the left looks like he’s already been in Aura, or has a junggalist texting him right now asking where is he.


J.P Tokoto looks like a basketball players, he has a memorable name. The illuminati is gonna make sure as hell he makes it.. Statistically looking like a basketball player puts you half way there. And icing on the cake he’s wearing so much gear Nal would be proud. Wristbands, multiple Jordan socks, needles leg warmers. He’s trying to become my favorite Tarheel.


Justin Jackson is destined to play for the Spurs, he’s long athletic unselfish and looks a little weird. Possibly my favorite Tarheel, but Tokoto is wearing like 5 different pairs of socks can’t take that for granted. Plus Roy isn’t playing him as much as he should in my opinion. The kid needs to build confidence out there if tte Tarheels are actually going to make noise in the tournament.


During timeouts they run these God Awful Knockout competitions. I haven’t seen anyone hit the 3 yet. I need to write a 4000-word essay on in stadium timeout entertainment during games. *Hint always acrobats. Always.*

The North Carolina aka The Jordan Tarheels have just a ferocious kicks game. They’ve won the sneaker National Championship for 25 years in a row.

Marcus Paige is an NBA prospect, could possibly play his way into the draft lottery this season. HE was getting worked from this guy


College seniors have super powers versus ranked teams #facts

Barlow gave him unlimited buckets.

Slight exaggeration,maybe it was only two jumpers, but still for a 7-minute stretch UNLIMITED BUCKETS. Paige got that work. He may not get drafted until it’s the Nassau Shockers pick. Developing.

Roy Williams look pretty calm since it seems like his team is struggling to find even a modicum of offense. Paige is getting his opportunities but nothing is dropping.

Roy’s been here before. Time is a flat circle.

Butler is running with what I like to call “The Migos” lineup. All these guys listen to Trap music including Barlow. He just whispered to Jones to “I got the streets in a headlock”. Then Jones hit a 3.

UNC just came out of the timeout with a full court press. THIS IS THE FOURTH GAME OF THE SEASON. Roy is clearly done losing in The Bahamas. The last time Roy was this red his team was being dominated by a potential UNC Recruit. He dislikes Nassau as much or more than a few people I know.

Roy’s skin matches the Coke sign. He’s never coming back here.

Tyler Hansborough ain’t walking through that door fans. Wait What?

I’ve seen him play in the NBA. I promise you he still has eligibility left.


Keley Dunham tried to put the game a way with a “Biiiitttcccchhhh Three” (Translated: Dagger Three). He’s not a part of “The Migos” Lineup.

Tried to send UNC fans home like 4 times in 3 minutes.



I have to talk about 45 Andrew Charbascz. He doesn’t look like a basketball player. He’s the opposite of Tokoto, but he’s setting some really great screens. He’d also kill me in the post. A friend of mine saw the shoes and socks that he’s wearing and is convinced this should ensure a Butler loss.

I don’t see what’s wrong with his socks :/
Paige you better had hit that!

I’ve been trying to time taking videos for the entire game. I keep Missing ’em and Tokoto just got a breakaway dunk. John’s back in charge of the Video department.

The Butler Bulldogs take it and All 900 people from UNC are leaving the gym and never returning to The Bahamas.

Pre-Game 2 I head to the Media Room and everyone in the here is exactly as described on TV. Know what isn’t, the food. They have Chips, Crackers, Water, Oranges and the side-eye emoji. Wait that last one was me.


Danny Ainge is in there and he’s looking for food. This is the President of the Celtics get the man a God Damn Sandwich. Mission aborted. Danny Ainge and I are leaving.


Game 2.


The real battle for Atlantis. Buddy Hield vs. Wanaah Bail. Well not really Buddy’s a starter and potential first rounder, and Wannah is still working his way into the rotation.

Needs more Cowbell

First thing you notice is Oklahoma is 100% the light skin baller capital of the world. I defy anyone to refute that. The Blake Griffin side-effects are real. Buddy hit his first jumper. I think it was worth 25 points. Disappointed in the lack of drums and cowbells from Bahamian fans. Buddy bangs his head after every jump he hits. It’s great. He’d be subdued, play D hit a jumper then lose his mind. This should become his thing.




Alford is giving Hamilton from the Sooners that business. He may not recovered from this. He plays exactly like a coach’s son. Just all fundamentals all the time.

Alford about to embarrass someone.

Amazed Buddy isn’t getting every call right now. These refs may not make it back over the bridge real talk B.


Buddy just hit a jumper and looked right at Ainge like “You know you want me on the Celtics”. Ainge is till looking for food.


You cannot work in sports if you don’t have a polo that’s average quality. I can’t emphasize this enough. You don’t even need a media pass. Once you have an aight polo and a lanyard you’re gold Johnny.

Number 1 from The Sooners. He flops on every three. It’s an effective strategy I think he should fall down on every Jump shot he takes. I could’ve made it in college basketball with this strategy. I fall down all the time.

Isiah for OU I think has – 8 points but he bumped Alford and his teammates all tensed up like something was about to happen. You need people like this on your team. Buddy should travel with this guy everywhere.

Pretty sure this shot missed, but no one is gonna say anything every team needs a crazy guy.

The Sooners end up winning by 10 and taking out the number 22. Team in the county. Buddy had 24 and is approximately the 15th pick in the draft right now by my made up rankings.

Random Moments from the first two games:

Nal just messaged me that he’s sitting next to a Spurs scout and glanced at his notes, they say “Fuck Lebron” . The Spurs aren’t worried about Cleveland.


I have to get back to Tweeting apparently the AP guy is “Tweeting his ass off”.