by RENALDO DORSETT
Week 7 Awards
The “This Is Great So W’re Going Run It Into The Ground, Then Run It One More Time” Award presented by Every Bahamian DJ that still has C-Murder’s ‘Down For My N’s’ in heavy rotation – DeMarco Murray. Jason Garrett and the Cowboys coaching staff are really taking this one game at a time thing to the next level. The short sighted way they’re running Murray can’t possibly pay dividends in the long run. Then again what do I know, they’re 6-1.
The “As Long As Everyone Agrees to Be Terrible, We All Have a Shot” Award presented by The Bahamian Political Machine – NFC South. The leader in this divison is 3-3-1 and even the 1-5 Buccaneers are still in the mix.
The “Overwhelming Opinion On You Fluctuates From Week to Week, This Week You Suck” Award presented by The average female’s Summer Body fitness plan – Jay Cutler. Has there ever been a guy this far into his career that we’re still debating whether he’s a franchise quarterback?
Week 7 Results
Renaldo: 6-9 (59-45-1, .562)
Sannie: 8-7 (53-51-1, .505)
While Sannie is on vacation, we’re missing out on some expert analysis, but the upside is we don’t have to hear her gloating about winning last week…
San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos
If at any point in your life you’ve ever watched the WWF/E, for Thursday night football this game would be that equivalent of that moment when Jim Ross says “Business is fix in to pick up.” In fact, with Phillip Rivers (the brash young gunslinger chasing the title) and Peyton Manning (the wily veteran on the cusp of leaving the ring but is still the biggest draw in the business) this game is the backdrop for an endless list of Ross’ folksy wrestling Rossisms. Either quarterback throws at least three touchdowns and we hear the “stompin’ a mudhole and walkin’ it dry” line. Eric Weddle or DeMarcus Ware lays down a big hit and we get the “He’s not just trying to hurt the man – he’s out to end his career” line. Either way, when this game kicks off tomorrow night, “It’s gonna be Slobberknocker.”
BRONCOS over Chargers
Detroit Lions at Atlanta Falcons
It’s not fair that the good people of London, England that they keep getting these games. First they get the Dolphins and Raiders back in September – a three touchdown blowout margin of victory between two teams that have combined for three wins thus far and now they get to see a Lions team without Calvin Johnson, a hobbled Reggie Bush and a Falcons team that has no idea how to play football once they leave the Georgia Dome. Then again, these fans are used to watching soccer, a lack of scoring won’t be an issue.
LIONS over Falcons
Baltimore Ravens at Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals are one loss away from having the quickest “surprise team-contender-pretender” turnaround in NFL history. After winning three games in a row to open the season, they’re now in desperate need to break a three-game winless streak. In the week one matchup, the Bengals took the lead for good when Andy Dalton connected with AJ Green for an improbable 77 yard touchdown pass, but what do the Bengals do if one of the game’s best receivers isn’t in the lineup? That being said, there’s something about a home field advantage that’s led to an 11-0-1 record in their last 12 games.
RAVENS over Bengals
Buffalo Bills at New York Jets
I’ve never routed for a three-touchdown game from Percy Harvin so hard in my entire life and if there’s anyone that’ll force-feed him the ball just to prove how right he is…it’s Rex Ryan. For about three years now the Bills have had an embarrassment of riches in the backfield and now both Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller get hurt in the same game. It’s like my granddad always said “Trade a running back to the Dolphins before one of ‘em gets hurt and you get nothing for it.” Ok, he never said that…but he should have.
JETS over Bills
Seattle Seahawks at Carolina Panthers
Speaking of the Percy Harvin trade, all the events surrounding it are the perfect example of why men don’t need soap operas. We have it right here in sports. Whether Harvin was traded for fighting his teammates, sleeping with someone’s girlfriend/wife, or refusing to go back into the game, the fun is that we get to speculate about what the real reason is for hours on end. i hope we never know. Another awesome byproduct of the trade was the reported reaction from Marshawn Lynch. The New York Daily News reported that Lynch “went off” when he heard about the trade. Think about that for a second and try to wrap your mind around the ridiculous wide range of things that could take place when Marshawn Lynch “goes off.”
PANTHERS over Seahawks
Chicago Bears at New England Patriots
It’s so depressing to have the Pats back. We were on the cusp of this whole thing being over and in two weeks they completely crushed any hopes of being challenged by the rest of the AFC East. Yes the Pats have a suspect run defines, a mediocre O-line and have been hit by the injury bug, but the Bears have been the Bears. So that’s saying alot. The Patriots have to close the Bears out, and fast. The Pats have yet to play a contender, a team ranked higher than 13th in the AP Pro32-Power Rankings (the Bears are No.19), but following Chicago, four of their next five games are against teams rated in the top seven.
PATS over Bears
Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans
How long world? How long will we sit back and watch JJ Watt and Andre Johnson suffer in these nationally televised games for the Texans before we step up and do something. We’re approaching the point where its becoming borderline inhumane. If I see Ryan Fitzpatrick make another bad read, or see Watt score another defensive touchdown in vain…I might lose it.
TEXANS over Titans
Miami Dolphins at Jacksonville Jaguars
Thank God the Jaguars got that one win out of the way just before they played Miami. As a Dolphin fan I may have given up on the season but there’s no way I would have been able to sit through of week of hearing about Blake Bortles and the Jags getting their first win against Miami. No one wants to be “that guy.” Urban dictionary defines “that guy” as the person everyone loves to hate and never wants to become. Wait, are the Dolphins “that guy” already? Classic Dolphins trap game and we’ver been here before. Infact we’ve been here last year – quality win against the Bengals on Halloween followed by a loss to a then 0-8 Bucs team. Im counting on you not to be you Miami.
DOLPHINS over Jags
St. Louis Rams at Kansas City Chiefs
I’m willing to bet the Rams have mentally checked out on this season after that win against the Seahawks. After you beat the defending Super Bowl champs, a supposed defensive juggernaut with your third string quarterback and some trick plays, you have nowhere to go but down. Sure there’s the in-state rivalry angle here, but let’s face in, anyone in Missouri is completely tuned into the Royals and the World Series at this point.
CHIEFS over Rams
Minnesota Vikings at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I officially lost the keys to the Teddy Bridgewater bandwagon. You can place an ABP on it, but I can save you the trouble and tell you where it is right now, somewhere lost in the legal binder of Adrian Peterson’s defense team.
BUCS over Vikings
Philadelphia Eagles at Arizona Cardinals
After Phillip Rivers of course, is Carson Palmer next on the list of quarterbacks that absolutely deserves a Super Bowl title? I still feel as if the football gods should offer recompense for the unfulfilled potential of those Bengals teams, particularly the 2006 team that should have went to at least the AFC title game. While they’re at it, the football gods should also offer recompense for any fantasy football owner that selected LaSean McCoy in the first two rounds.
CARDS over Eagles
Los Angeles Raiders at Cleveland Browns
If the Browns lose this game, do we consider them the starter kit for NFL losers? If they fall to a winless team for the second week in a row, does this mean Johnny Manziel re-enters the race for the starting quarterback job in Cleveland? The media must be thrilled. If there’s any week for Darren McFadden to make a resurgence, its against the 32nd ranked run defense in the NFL. I have no idea why I believe in him, but I still do. This has to be how the average Bahamian feels about his MP.
RAIDERS over Browns
Indianapolis Colts at Pittsburgh Steelers
Hands up if you knew the Colts were 5-2. Well don’t literally put a hand up, but you get the point. With a more wide open passing game, and Ahmad Bradshaw providing some stability to the running game, we’re getting a look at what Andrew Luck can become. The Colts have already beaten AFC North contenders Baltimore and Cincinnati and it’ll be interesting to see how TY Hilton and Reggie Wayne respond to all the press Antoino Brown has been getting this week. How confident would you be in this Steelers team right now if they didn’t have that ridiculous three minute stretch where they rolled off 24 points to beat the Texans?
COLTS over Steelers
Green Bay Packers at New Orleans Saints
The Saints haven’t lost a prime-time home game since 2009. They’re 22-10 overall in night time games since 2006, are 8-2 on NBCs Sunday Night Football…yet I still can’t trust them. We keep waiting for the Saints to be that team we’re accustomed to, for Drew Brees and Sean Payton to get it together, for the “Who Dat” nation to come back…but maybe its just not going to happen. Maybe, they’re just a 2-4 team and we have to accept that.
PACKERS over Saints
Washington No Nicknames at Dallas Cowboys
What an unceremonius end to the Kirk Cousins experiment, but it does provide a good segue to the return of former Texas Longhorn favourite Colt McCoy. McCoy returns to the state where he grew up and where he rose to national prominence as a Heisman candidate, but its been a longtime since he ran the show there. It now belongs to DeMarco Murray and the quarterback that used to date Jessica Simpson.
COWBOYS over Washington