The Death Of The “Good Bahamian Woman” (And Why They’re Losing The War)

By Drew

What do you picture when someone calls themselves a “good” woman? Some would picture Mary, the mother of Jesus. Some people their saintly mothers. Some their grandmothers.


I picture mama John.

You’re laughing cause you’ve never had his curry chicken. Shit taste like he have guncasin and hypertension. It’s THAT good.

There’s this call among a small pocket of this island for women to return to being “good women”. Like most women need to be walking around in pant suits and conservative hairstyles like some forlorn Stacey Abrams….

I can tell by that gap in her teeth she makes a good macaroni….I just know she does.

I never quite understood what the term “good woman” meant but, as a man….with a penis….I can tell you that y’all may not have it all the way figured out yet. So lets unpack this.

If you let society tell it, a good woman is a woman who cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, goes to work, manages the home and enjoys the fuck out of some mediocre missionary sex.

Lucy looks for a lovely casserole recipe to cook for Josh as she is a good woman and he’s gonna be hungry after 4 strokes and a boongie squeeze. #MarriageGoals(SheThinks)

Also, y’all lowkey describing a slave.

And, let me be clear: I LOVE a woman that can cook. Cook me a good meal, God forbid its a good Bahamian meal, and you’ll have me wide open like a research monkey.

AND we fuck after?

I’ll start making promises I have no intention of keeping……

“You want a Tesla, babes? Cause you drivin that 2019 Benz don’t sit right with me. Also lets go in Cartier tomorrow. Let’s get you couple pieces.”- Said Andrew who has Alex&Ani money and drives a Nissan Cube

HOWEVER…..I can cook too, beloved.

I don’t need a woman to cook.

I clean better than most niggas.

I’m good with kids.

So I don’t require any of that shit. I’m at a point now where ya just want shit to make sense. If you make sense, we communicate well and we vibe, we can Wendys and Seafront Sushi the fuck out this relationship.

Ine care.

Pictured above: Me and bae after some deep convo and nasty sex on our way to get couple Asiago spicy chicken sandwiches and a 10 piece nugget combo to share for the ride home because love wins.

To be fair, some niggas like that domestic housewife shit and that’s perfectly fine….no judgement or shade to them niggas or those ladies. But I’m seeing a growing number of men who just wanna make love and make sense not make a life with some boring ass “good woman” with 0 personality and who only had 1 penis in her life.

Y’all ladies who brag about your low (sexual) body count…..umm….thats not the flex you think it is. Y’all be out here on some….

“Well I think you’ll be glad to know that I haven’t had sex in 10 years so…..its brand new down there kekekekekeke”

….which leaves a nigga like me on some..…

“….Jesus Christ now I gotta relearn this gal into 2022 juicing policies and techniques. FUCK, MAN!”

I’m trippin?

Let me articulate my point: When last some of y’all played Super Mario Bros. on the original Nintendo?

Years….probably decades at this point.

Oh you’ll remember HOW to play it but chances are Bowser an them ga bust ya ass providing you get THAT far. But back in 1987 (with y’all old asses) y’all was out here like….

Nigga dodging them fireballs like The PLP dodging this FTX shit but let’s not get distracted by the season finale of The Bahamas. Back to the article!

You know how the game goes but you’re rusty. You haven’t been outside in 10 years and don’t know that the sex game has changed. Niggas walk into the sex store DIFFERENT now. No one hiding.

“I’m looking for something to stimulate my clitorious while my bf simultaneously fucks me to powder. What would you recommend, Susan?” #WIFEY

The game has changed and you’re the weakest link.

Need more evidence?


All them women y’all “good girls” was callin “hoes” and “sluts”…….talking bout….

“I mean this the 3rd nigga you grind this year and its December but if you like it I love it I GUESS. Wouldn’t be me tho”

….where most of them at now?

They got wifed the fuck up is where they at Ms.Abstinent Allison #CarefulHowYouJudge

Know why?

Cause they perfected their craft and were never bad people to begin with. They’re very good at sex cause, you know…..practice, AND they’re a pleasure to be around. Y’all called them hoes cause they fucked more niggas than you thought was acceptable based on some antiquated morality you adhere to.

But, lowkey? Those women are cool as fuck.

Lemme tell y’all something bout these women y’all call “hoes”….they are GREAT people.

I mean…just the best.

I’ve never met an unpleasant “hoe”. Great conversation. Always fun to be around. Well traveled. No hang ups. Everyone is insecure, but they don’t wear that shit on their sleeves. They know their bodies so they know exactly how to get to that nut. They are a great time and that’s why your nigga cheated on you with her. That’s why niggas gotta lie when y’all ask why he cheated.

“I cheated because she actually gives a fuck, she can communicate, she doesn’t think sucking dick is a “gift” and we get drunk and laugh and listen to music and then have amazing sex meanwhile you scared to tongue kiss I’m stupid, babe!”

Also, these “hoes” y’all speak of usually have a bunch of male friends who they watch, talk to and observe. So they actually pay attention and learn niggas beyond the norm. Meanwhile y’all switch friends out every 5 years, leaving you with women who just agree with whatever bullshit you tell them…

“You are perfect! Y’all not being sexually active for years, and you not communicating or working on your extreme daddy issues, is NO REASON for him to cheat! HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU!!” – #UMMMMM

I’m watching an increase in niggas leaving their “good woman” for their sweetheart because why the fuck not? Misewell go where the real love is, beloved. Because, let’s be real…..some of y’all are amazing mothers, amazing women, amazing partners, amazing daughters, sisters and friends but you’re TERRIBLE girlfriends/wives.

Read that again.

That’s some cold hard facts. Here is a monkey driving a car so y’all can let that reality sink in. lol….He thinks he’s people. Stupid idiot lol

And I know how the narrative goes….

“Girl I was cooking, cleaning, made his bed, took care of his kids, loved his parents AND worked and this is where being a good woman got me! I HATE BAHAMIAN NIGGAS”

And, beloved, if you was doing ALL that and he STILL cheated then my questions start at…

“Amazing to hear that. He was wrong for cheating but were you *checks notes* fucking this nigga? Like…at all?”

And no, ladies, sex isn’t everything. But it fucking matters and if you think it doesn’t matter then know it matters a lot to him.

Yes, y’all women who do it “because he likes it but I’m good without it” set too. Trust me, your attitude towards sex matches your energy during it. If you don’t communicate with him that you hate the sex and you haven’t had an orgasm since the Christie administration then who is to blame? Doing it just for doing it sake because you think you’re doing what a good wife should do does not a happy woman OR marriage make.

Beloved, teach that nigga what’s required of him for you to bust these nuts.

“…and another thing: stop using teeth when you’re going down on me. Its a clitorous not a goddamn conch snack, Mark. Also let’s talk about this spitting in the mouth shit you so love…..” #EwMark

And just so y’all read me right: If you have a nigga that aint shit, don’t help around the house, doesn’t pay bills, communicate, emotionally stunted and doesn’t wanna do the work to make you both better, abusive verbally or otherwise or just plain and simple ended up being an ain shit nigga? THAT niggga does NOOOOTTTTT deserve your body, time or energy.

Fuck that nigga and I mean that disrespectfully.

Return that nigga to the streets from whence he came! Also its Xmas so if you see actual homeless people during your travels like the gentleman above try and lend a helping hand. Give your husband back to the streets to join this nigga tho is all I’m saying

I’m speaking on behalf of niggas that do their goddamn job. Tired telling dudes that the easiest way to turn a woman on is to clean the kitchen.

When she comes home and smell that good purple festival/bleach/Joy combo AND the dishes put away

But being a “good woman” by societal or religious standards is overkill IF you think that’s what pulls a nigga or keeps him. Not cursing doesn’t make you a good woman. Not having tattoos doesn’t make you a good woman. Not drinking, partying, hanging out or going to clubs and bars doesn’t make you a good woman. Staying home doesn’t and being a christian doesn’t make you a good woman either by the way.

I’m wrong?

Who is the most annoying/judgemental person at your job?

It’s Ms. “Sushi is Asian witchcraft and red lipstick is for whores” Lockhart isn’t it?

I’m tired of this narrative that a good woman is more or less……well… mother. I love my mother dearly but sheen fun…..and I also have no interest in having sex with her….so why are you cosplaying as my old lady, bey?

This legit how some of y’all look in these relationships.

And I know what most of you are saying….

“If I choose to be celibate and live a conservative lifestyle why are you so upset? Cause I definitely don’t want ya fat ass, Drew! So you can have SEVERAL seats you dorito eating piece of shit!”

And you are 10000000% correct, madam.

You’re objectively right….

….but you gotta chill with the fake “happy to be single” posts tho cause are you really happy EVERY DAY to not be busting nuts and or having a companion? So happy in fact, that you gotta post on every social media platform you on, damn near daily, how “Happy” you are?

Its giving St Augustines, atheist, crossfitting, vegan, beloved. Cause who love to claim their cult like ideologies more than them niggas.

“God may not exist and I’m happy for your new crossfit journey, but I asked what you wanted off our Vegan menu and you responded with “I went to SAC” so I’m a little confused.”

You can’t perpetually broadcast your joy of being single and then expect us to believe you. And it’s not our business but it kinda is cause them posts public and we be scrolling our phones like….

Us, on your social media seeing you posting about white Jesus and your love of being alone for the 4th goddamn time this week and IT’S WEDNESDAY!

I think my message is times have changed. I think my message is you can be both….or have none of it. But in the end be yourself. If you wanna drink, drink. If you wanna smoke and get tatted, club, bar hop, get drunk, have fun, travel, have kids, not have kids…..beloved…do it.

It’s 2022… you.

And if doing you is being single and not fuckin until Mr. Right comes then, queen, God bless. If thats what YOU truly want. And if you wanna fuck 48 niggas before 2023 is over then to you I also say, God bless. There’s no wrong answer here. But if you think you have to be this archetype of the perfect woman based on some standard of religion or society then I’m here to tell you there is another option….

…the unbeaten path like Village road which is in competition with Big Boys renovation for “who ga finish first?” #IYKYK

If you wanna explore, explore. If you feel like you have to be a certain way for your person, maybe talk to them. They may feel the same way and then you both can figure out who y’all wanna be.

If you’re happy being a plain Jane then do that. But do it for you, not cause white Jesus or your grandmother told you to. Also, don’t sleep on some of these plain Jane women out here, son. Cause some of the most virginal looking women I know are some of the absolute nastiest women I know in the bedroom.

Remember Stacey Abrams?

Ummm….Stacey OUTSIDE….

…yeah, she writes sex novels with fucking and what not in em so do what you want with that information

She found a way to do both and responsibly manage a duality that suited her.

But you’re ALL “good women”. Every single one of you. Thinking you’re special because you sin differently than another woman is, by definition….hubris.

There’s not a Bahamian woman I can’t thank…

Except you. Not you.

Be safe tho.