Think Like A Bahamian Woman, Act Like A Bahamian Man (For The 30+ Singles)
A few years back, twice divorced Steve Harvey wrote a tell all book about how women should date. The women loved it. I’ve never seen bullshit get more traction outside of when Beyonce sang, “Single Ladies”, and then married and stayed with the nigga that openly cheated on her to the point where Solange had to put hands on him in an elevator.
Women of a certain ilk had much to say about his 3 month no sex rule, how they should be treated, blah blah blah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying ALL of the shit he put in the book was wrong or inaccurate….but when your own daughter is CLEARLY not reading YOUR book….
I’m no expert as I am clearly an unmarried piece of garbage second only to Naldo. However, I wanna offer up some realistic advice for our ladies that are over 30 and trying to date in 2021.
I specify “over 30” years of age because there’s 3 types of women that are over 30 right now dating: The “realized I’m ok alone but super tired of being alone but don’t wanna settle” crew. Love them cause they cool but they never read the room.
Talking to their married friends with kids on some…
Then there’s the “just got out of a 7-10 year marriage with the man I thought was my soulmate but then I got in his phone and….” Women. They cool but they’re kinda annoying cause they are like time machine explorers that got sent to 2021 from 2009 and have no idea what the fuck is going on but they’re just rolling with it.
God bless them.
They have NO clue how dating works now and their naivete is centered around finding a prince charming.
Then you have those demons that suffered through a too long marriage of cheating, pain, whatever variation of abuse they endured…and worst of all…..kids.
Oh y’all don’t have to admit it but I heard y’all during covid when you couldn’t drop little “The one night my sidenigga didn’t answer the phone so I fucked my husband” Jr., off to daycare.
Y’all ain low.
This woman usually DOESN’T leave her husband but, if she does, and if you’re the paramore in her life….have fun with that shit. She’s more bitter than Loretta Butler Turner watching Minnis fuck up……. every day.
So to the 12 ladies reading this, here’s tip number 1 of what y’all need to know: The era of not shooting your shot is over and if you out here waiting for your Boaz, please know that nigga is not coming.
Everyone in the back good?
THIS IS NOT A GODDAMN TYLER PERRY MOVIE SO GOING HOME, TO WORK, CHURCH, AND THEN HOME AGAIN WONT CUT IT. THAT NIGGA BOAZ IS IN NOT COMING TO FIND YOU.
And I know some of you out there are gonna be like, “Yes but I’m a church going woman and the Bible says…”. Beloved, miss me with that. Also, how you get reading this if white Jesus gat you?
Jesus know you is read 10thYearSenior foolishness?
But for the church going woman you would be incorrect to think that I too didn’t grow up in the church…in fact I was in church 5 days a week more or less. I know the bible and Bahamian church culture like the back of my hand. And I’m here to tell you……y’all more filthy than us sinners on this road.
What y’all think goes down in the church people them DM’s….
…what REALLY goes down…..
Bahamian churches have the most incestuous bubble but the reason why a lot of you casual parishioners may not know that is because what happens in that bubble stays in that bubble.
So yall Christian women know EXACTLY why your Boaz ain even in the church so let’s not play that game.
Women have to learn to start shooting their shots. Why? Because there are thousands of young women coming home from college, graduating from COB and flying in as tourists…..and y’all out number us in general so slow blinking across the bar or touching my arm and laughing loudly at my stale jokes ain cutting it no more.
Y’all out number us ESPECIALLY the over 30 crowd…..the math here is telling.
Y’all now need to learn how to hunt.
Yes, ladies…..in 2021 y’all have to put in the exact same amount of work as we have been doing for CENTURIES. Which means you’re actually gonna have to learn how to take rejection.
Yip…that 9 letter word that made your belly break down more than unlocking a Bahamian Policeman’s cell phone to “see what he is be doing”.
Men have been getting rejected from time im memorial. Shit, I got rejected 4 times today off air. Y’all been cussin “unworthy” niggas out for years but get rejected once and it’s…
Ok well firstly have you ever considered you may just not be his type?
Look at the womens faces…
And guess what else……we also don’t like boring women either. Or broke ones to be honest. A lot of y’all show up on the date on some…
…meanwhile some thick, interesting girl with life experience is in his dms and he’s responding….
Here’s the thing….a lot of you think we give a shit about your accomplishments.
I mean good for you and I love a smart powerful woman who can handle her shit….dont confuse me….
Is that all you can bring to the table?
I know several successful, accomplished, have their shit together women and know what’s funny about them? I NEVER see them post any shit bout “girl power”, “rise and grind”, “Boss Bitch”….none of it. Y’all go to these “You deserve a crown, perfect woman of Jesus”, seminars run by single women with NO prospects telling YOU what YOU deserve. That’s like me holding a seminar on how to do deal with period pain once a month.
You kill what you know how to hunt. How can a woman, a single one at that, tell you how to hunt me when SHE is a grass eating lion. She ain had meat in years but you paid $50 for cheap champagne and dry cupcakes to hear this woman make broad stroked generalities that you could have learned from an Anita Baker album.
I get y’all are successful and have your own and please hear me, we are SUPER proud of our Bahamian women being as successful as they are and continue to be. But, beloved you studied one thing for 12 years which is cool but can you take a joke? You can buy anything you want because you make a shitload of money…which, to be clear, doesn’t make you special: It just makes you an adult. Imagine if I, as a man, spoke like that (and some of you bitch niggas do to be clear)….
……women., after hearing that….
So my question to y’all is…..you want US to bow down to you because you’re doing what ALL adults are doing? You want points because you can “pay your own bills”?
Women will run down their requirements. “He must be over 6ft, in shape, handsome, great income, well traveled, dangerous but safe and loving etc.” And when a not 6ft nigga enters the chat?
Men be like, “I’d just like her to maybe workout sometimes….”
Men should be allowed to have a type…..to have an opinion. Learn to take that L the way we learned on the playgrounds in elementary school.
And to you “pretty” women that think being beautiful is enough….um, your “pretty” girl days ended when you got over 30. A lot of y’all fine as shit, don’t get me wrong. But I know SEVERAL women on this island that are beautiful but LORD they toxic/problematic.
Understand that society is evil. I am considered a great guy cause I’m 39, unmarried and childless. That for a woman, based on society is insane. There is a huge double standard there and it’s wrong and it’s evil.
So understand that I get it. Shit is tough. But the playing field has been evened out so we all in this war together.
Steve Harvey lead y’all wrong in a lot of cases. But, for the most part, ladies, think like a woman and act like man. Y’all are smart, wise and clever as shit. NO ONE cheats better than a woman. So use those same tactics and knowledge to hunt us. Y’all love to brag about how y’all can get men to do shit and make us think it was our idea.
Keep that same energy.
Y’all think only hoes and “bad gals” supposed to ask men out or shoot their shot? Cause, the hoe in question….
Think like a woman, but act like a Bahamian man.
And how are Bahamian men?
We pursue you.
We get in them DM’s.
We do everything in our power to get you to notice us.
And yeah, a lot of us ain shit…..I’ll give you that. But thas mostly Long Island and Freeport niggas tho, not us good Nassauvians.
Y’all outnumber us. Keep thinking you safe on this road and you don’t have to work for a nigga and get left behind. Cause while you was home watching Netflix and waiting on Boaz, that nigga was at Wild Thyme buyin a gal with no degree, land, house or car a 4 course meal. But you online questioning where it all went wrong posting bout how “niggas ain shit”, never realizing maybe, just maybe…..you been the problem this whole time.