There Are No More “Good” Bahamian Women (And Why That’s A Good Thing)

By Drew

Despite popular opinion I’m an extreme introvert: I genuinely don’t like people. Work, gym, home….repeat. Due to my continuing disdain for the human race, I look to gaming as an outlet to distract me from my inner thoughts. I am NOT the guy to ignore alive vagina in the name of Madden however.

Ain that serious.

Though, to be fair you DID say you wanted a man who was always present and at home “where he should be”. #CarefulWhatYouWishFor

Lately I’ve been stuck on the game Drakes Uncharted. Without context, just know that there’s a hero named Drake with a “mary sue” type character that he ultimately saves a lot in the first few games. A “Mary Sue” in theatrical terms is a female character who is weak, always needs saving, never sure of her decisions and unable to take care of herself without a hero (mans) help. You know who I mean….

Ok…except Mulan. She was really with the shits #SheCouldMakeAManOutOfMeAnyTime #JudgeYaMa

For years Bahamian men have sought after their “Mary Sue”. Shit: A good portion of my go-to game with women was trying to save them. Trying to be a hero to get in those panties faster. Oh, don’t sleep….that’s a real maneuver.

“Listen, as long as you wanna talk I’m here because the more you think I give a fuck about your work issues and gals you hate at your job the easier it will be to get them panties off you matter!”

Well, have to say: There are no more “Mary Sues” which means, I am happy to report, there are no more “Good” women in The Bahamas.

You read that last sentence quite correctly.

I am not only happy…..I’m ELATED to report that news. Why? Because it means that women have caught up to us. We can stop the charade. Understand that I’m 38yrs old. I come from the era where women NEVER spoke of sucking dick. If you were sucking penis in the 90’s you were considered the worst kind of slut. Niggas called you a hoe for less actually.  

“Word on the street is Braquisha is out here kissing niggas…..WITH TONGUE!!! What a whore, am I right?”

Ladies, yall have no idea how refreshing it is to have women openly talking about porn, sex, positions, toys, etc.

Shit: I cant even fuck with you heavy if you don’t have a sex bag.

Oh don’t get brand new now, beloved. You know EXACTLY what bag I’m talking about.

Pictured above: Niggas when they open their girls sex bag and realize just how nasty she is. #BoutToBeALongWeekend #GetTheGatorade

For the uninitiated, the sex bag is a bag full of sex toys, vibrators, whips, oils, lotions, handcuffs, the blood of a long forgotten virgin that will make you orgasm until you’re too weak body quivers and you see the face of the true and living god, condoms, lingerie, etc.

Bahamian women are now nasty. Chances are they probably always were but because society kept telling them to “be a lady” they felt confined.

All that shit has changed.

Even the most prudish of Bahamian women are 10x more filthy than they were 20 years ago. The average prude now does elementary nasty shit whereas, back in the day, gals was on some…..

“Backshots? Wow….I mean when I’m married I guess but I think missionary in the dark will do for now…..after we pray of course.”

And it doesn’t end at sex.

Women are now just not getting married.

The days are gone now where a woman will just settle for the first dude that isn’t ogly ogly with a good job, stable family and can read without using his index finger.

Yes, you.

I’ve been to couple of y’all first weddings…..ine forget.

“Jessica, will you take this ok ass nigga who don’t hit it nearly as well as your ex but is safe and stable I guess Gordan to be your wedded husband? #YouDid #NowLookAtYou

Yes, couples are getting divorced more than ever and niggas have BEEN fucking up marriages for aeons but, if we’re being honest, more and more women are stepping out of marriages that never should have existed in the first place.

I’m sorry but divorce is NEVER a bad thing.

Divorce is when 2 humans decide, “Fuck…..this don’t make sense”, and then live their lives separately the way they should have in the first place and I think that’s beautiful.

“Girl, ya know why divorce SO expensive? Cause its worth it!! LMAO!”

Run away, queen.

Your happiness should not cost you your soul.

And the women that aren’t getting divorced because of kids, land, home, reputation etc? Oh they cheating.

And ine mean kinda cheating…..

….they cheatin cheatin #IfSheDontPostAStoryShesSleepingWithAnotherMan

Why am I categorizing it as a good thing?

Why am I, a red blooded Bahamian, man ENCOURAGING our Bahamian queens to cheat?

Why would I perpetuate a culture of sweethearting that has all but ruined the Bahamian marriage landscape and hurt generations of our children leaving them to be unable truly know what love really is due to broken marriages/homes?

Well…..when it was just niggas doin it y’all was silent so now that women are doing it and doing it better….. why y’all mad?

Tell me why it was ok when we did it but its fucked up now that they do it as much as us? Take your time…..I’ll wait

Two wrongs don’t make a right but being wrong typically feels a lot better than right usually. Most sins are fantastic. Sex before marriage, weed, liquor, adultery in the back of a Honda with cold ac….

…I’m not saying its right. I’m just saying that orgasm hits different in the back seat of a Honda in the back of Stokes house in 2003 when the cops rolled up on us but I did already finish so….wait….ok back to the article padneye

And ladies, make no mistake, it has NOT gone unnoticed that y’all are now cheating JUST as much as us. During our show (Maurisa Glinton and I) “Unfiltered”, I asked Harrison Thompson whether more women are cheating now and he said, succinctly, that women have indeed caught up to us.

So before y’all jump down my throat, ask yourselves: How often has that nigga lied?

Look at him…..lightskin, hydrated, unproblematic, “I said I loved you but I lied cause, this is more than love I feel inside” ass nigga

I’m not mad at it in the slightest cause, let’s be honest: Cheating is someone trying to find happiness outside of a terribly shitty situation. So, to my naysayers reading this and thinking I’m running out……y’all against people finding happiness then?

Lol….Y’all know VAT gone up, Trump is president and niggas are now selling potcake as a delicacy now right?


THEY. ARE. SELLING. POTCAKE. AS. A. DELICACY NOW. Go cheat and be happy with someone else, sis. Nassau ain a real place and we ga die. Godspeed.

Women now smoke weed as much as niggas.

They drink as much as us.

They are getting tatted, full sleeves and all. Bahamian women are now so balanced that you can meet a weed smoking, Henny drinking, tatted, mouth like a sailor woman that just came from crossfit that’s an accounts supervisor holding down a home, child, bills, etc.

Shit is REAL out here now.

Megan is an entrepreneur with 5 businesses, 4 kids, 3 investments, 2 dogs, 1 fuckbuddy and 0 fucks to give. We Stan an independent queen

There’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows who she is and is unapologetic about it.

Y’all LOVE to call these gals intimidating when really they just act like nuanced niggas now. They are as tough, as pragmatic, as mentally strong and as confident…….but they also have a grasp on their divine feminine WHILE being mothers, gym rats, and all around bosses. It’s not that they are intimidating….it’s just that (certain niggas) can’t take when real queen energy is thrown back at them. Takes a certain kinda man to see a woman on her boss shit and understand that her strength does not mean your weakness. If y’all let these women “do them” then imagine what a team that could make….

Above is the Justice League member that has ended more wars than any other member and has the highest body (kill) count of ANY other Justice League member to date. Next to her is Superman. (Actual facts by the way)

I’m kidding?

Think she’s a ,”Mary Sue”?

Look how she is talk to Superman #WIFEY #Goosebumps #SheGetsTheJobDone

Understand that nothing bad can come from Bahamian women being what was once thought of as “bad”.

It was bad if a woman cursed.

A woman was bad if she drank anything other than wine.

A woman was bad if she spoke about sex publicly let alone carried out an act society deemed “slutty”.

And no….I’m not some fuckboy claiming to be a “feminist”. Thats not my lane. I’m not woke. I’m just a nigga with 4 sisters, a shitload of female cousins, that sees whats going on, respects it and looks at y’all like…

Or, as the gays would say, “YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS”

I’m the nigga that was raised by Queens and monsters. Not a single woman in my family is lacking. From my 77 year old mother today, Sandra Ellen, to my lil ass cousin, Cori.

They want all the smoke.

A “Bad” Bahamian woman is now one that does not look to the floor in your presence but right in your motherfucking face and ask you “now what?”.

Also her but I’m scared of her so could we not?

Bahamian women are no longer “mary sues” like the woman in the game I mentioned earlier.

And, by the way….I was wrong about her too. In the first game she was like this….

“lol…she bout to die. Gal out here eating fruit bowls….you ga need saving at some point, beloved” – Me

By the time I got to the last game, and her character matured, found herself and her voice?

Looka homegirl in the present games now….

Not a fruit bowl in sight. She wants ALL the smoke now. #BadGal

…which left me like….

Get you a bad Bahamian woman. Save the good ones for the weak niggas.

Be safe tho.