#TallTakes: THIS IS IT! (….maybe)

NBA Finals game 5 is tonight!

This year’s edition of the NBA Finals has been about as lit as a 3-1 series featuring 3 blowouts can be. So far we’ve seen a 85 point half by the Cavs, a game winning shot by Kevin Durant that was so gutsy I wonder how KD runs so fluidly up and down the court while holding his gigantic balls, we’ve seen Lebron James and Kyrie Irving look utterly unguardable, Steph and Klay go off, and Dray be Dray and wild out.  The scores do nothing to indicate how zany these finals have been.

And that’s the sad part about trying to anticipate what will happen tonight is that we have absolutely no clue how this would turn out, and at this point nothing would be a surprise.  Kyrie Irving may go off for 90 points, Durant and Steph may combine for 150, the Warriors bay blow the Cavs out by 50 points or vice versa.  All we know is that Tristian Thompson will not score than 8 points.

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He’ll be freebasing off a prostitute’s butt crack at the bunny ranch any day now.

And that’s what’s simultaneously fun and terrifying about this series for people who have any rooting interest, anything can happen.


Derek Fisher got drunk and wrecked Matt Barnes Car

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There’s being a complete jerk to your girlfriend’s ex and then there’s Derek Fisher, who is the Michael Jordan of pissing off his girl’s ex.

Last week the longtime NBA player turned failed coach was arrested fur DUI after he wrote off a Cadillac Escalade that belonged to his girlfriend (and the estranged wife of Matt Barnes, his former teammate) Gloria Govan.

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The plot thickened when we learned that the car Fisher wrote off was actually registered to Barnes.  For those who don’t recall, Barnes was involved in a physical altercation with Fisher almost two years ago over Fisher’s relationship with his ex-friend’s wife.

Matt Barnes is currently playing for The Golden State Warriors in the NBA Finals, but I have a sneaking suspicion that once the finals are over (and that may very well be tonight) a rematch of Barnes vs. Fisher is in the cards.

Having sex with your ex-teammate’s wife is one thing, smashing his car up is an entire different level of disrespect.


Aaron Judge smacks balls both hard and far. 

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Aaron Judge continues to smack the crap out of the ball. This past weekend he hit a baseball the hardest it’s ever been hit since Statcast started recording exit velocity of balls in 2009.

The gigantic slugger followed up this amazing feat by hitting the longest home run since statcast has begun recording home run length. Because Aaron Judge smacks the hell out of balls goddammit.

The Yankees are leading the American League east because of Aaron Judge’s slugging.  As a Yankees fan I hope he’s still smacking balls like this in October.


Bas is out here with the Draco

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Former hoops phenom Sebastian Telfair was arrested in Brooklyn this past weekend for having an arsenal in his car that Frank Castle himself would be proud of.

I don’t know why any reasonable person would be riding around with all those guns in a car, it makes even less sense in a state with gun laws as stringent as New York, it isn’t hard to imagine that Telfair was up to some shady business that involved hurting people a whole lot.

He’s had his fair share of problems with gun charges but Telfair is probably going to see real prison time over this.


Bob Stoops has quit

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University of Oklahoma head football coach Bob Stoops has stepped down at age 56. I don’t care The NBA finals are on.

The Penguins won the Stanley Cup

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The Pittsburgh Penguins won the Stanley Cup, I don’t care because this is hockey and I live in a country where the average daily temperature is 115 degrees.

Besides the NBA Finals are on.