The Overly Feminized Bahamian Male (And Where To Find Them)

By Drew

 

I’m 34.

I think we need to establish the fact that come December 28th I will officially almost be 40 which means that I’m probably either going to be with the Battlecat of my dreams or stalking the CVS aisles looking at chicks wedding fingers to see if they’re single while I’m wearing dress socks with slippers as all creepy old men do.

But given the fact that I’m a bachelor going to bars and spending my childless disposable income on well-deserved libations, I’ve been encountering more and more of these 25-40 yr olds that just don’t seem….in a word, “manish”. For several reasons I feel in my heart of hearts that men have gotten soft and damn near feminine and I think its time we addressed it.

It’s time we drew a line in the sand.

Before I begin let’s firstly run a disclaimer: I DO NOT consider a man crying, showing emotion or even throwing a temper tantrum to mean that he’s feminine. I was snotty after Mufasa died and I’m STILL snotty every time Snuffleupagus’s cousin in the movie “Inside Out” says, “Take her to the moon for me”.

Understand too that men throw temper tantrums and explode because we’ve been wrongly yet systematically taught to keep everything inside.

As the old adage goes “Pressure bust pipe”.

Men refuse to show feelings because we were taught to act not necessarily feel. We were taught that feelings are for women.

I’m also all for talking shit out. I’m a 4 minute voice noting ass nigga. Let’s have the conversation and fix shit if we can. Let’s work on our issues and hopefully resolve whatever is corroding our relationship and if there’s something I did to hurt or offend you then I would rather fix it sooner rather than later.

Stop.

Now 2 types of niggas read the last 2 sentences. There’s a group of us that read that and automatically know  (not assume, KNOW)  that that sentence was geared towards either the woman you love, seeing, planning on being with or been with for a minute but refuse to wife but she super cool and knows how to make that kraft dinner just right.

Then there’s the men I’m writing about. I didn’t wanna use this term but my fingers won’t let me keep typing around it:

Bitch niggas.

These are the gentleman that read those last 2 sentences and applied it to ALL their relationships. Friendships, acquaintances, co-workers…..EVERYONE. They don’t know how not to be in their feelings. The other day a Bahamian male who knows me (I refuse to even call him an acquaintance at this point) was unable to get an item from me within the exact hour he needed it. Let’s say he needed it for 1…I got it to him for 1:15 because I have to actually work to support my gluttony and bad decisions. This nigga was passive aggressive.

Passive Aggressive.

How feminine are those words? When since niggas start feeling sideways?

I asked him, as eloquently as I could,

“Fuck is your issue, nigga?”

He hit me with “I’m fine. I’m not mad…I’m just disappointed”.

Disappointed?

How you a full bearded man on a high protein diet, claiming to be making chicks weak from the dick and you “disappointed” in a another dude? I’m not saying that you can’t say that….I’m just saying that you can’t say that. I’m sorry but I came from a class of men that just cursed you out or legit ran up on you, checked you then you bought him 3 Kalik Golds and then continued your day judging women’s bodies and making lewd assumptions about what they’re like in bed. As all men do.

Now these niggas get mad at other niggas and post the shit on Facebook on some…

“Sometimes we put our trust in people and they let us down. I guess we know who our real friends are. #LessonLearned #FoolMeOnce #iSwearI’mStraight!”

Really, nigga? We social media beefing now, princess?

Approach me like a man and lets hash this shit out. Leave that social media BS for the women, that’s not for us, bro.

Oh and by the way, let me address men who are really quick to overly defend women’s rights.

Listen, its 2016, I support women. I think it’s insane we still have to call it “women’s rights”. You’re not gonna find a guy more open minded and aware of what’s going on with women as of late. I wrote an entire goddamn article about the vote yes. BUT….some of y’all niggas are taking the shit too far and ya know who it is? Those same dudes who creep in your girls DMs the SECOND she posts some quasi sad shit on facebook/Instagram.

I see you.

All up in the comment section being extra and writing epistles about how it must feel to be a female. Shut the hell up. You don’t know what it feels like though you’re doing a good job of acting like one. Support their struggle, like their status, be a part of the change and stop doing the most. SHE IS NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

Well…. that’s not true.

She’ll sleep with you but only after this guy messes up for the 1,000^th time.

I totally get why girls are bisexual….it makes sense.

Half these niggas are feminine to the point where you might as well just be with a female and be done with it.

Too many of my female friends complain about niggas doing shit like spreading rumors and committing the ULTIMATE male taboo: Lying on vagina.

Men have 3 rules when it comes to women: Ask permission before you have sex with your close friend or family members ex-main girl, never cock block, and don’t lie on the vag.

The minute I find out you lied about a chick I automatically assume you’re doing so to cockblock, which is already a deal breaker.  It makes you look like the same vagina you’re lying about because understand….we will find out you’re lying.

If it’s one thing women love more than talking shit about a small dick dude it’s talking shit about a guy who they never had sex with. NOTHING brings them more joy!

So please, stop spreading rumors about shit you didn’t do with females you could never have.

Or, ya know what? Just stop spreading rumors.

Now let me be the first to say: When men watch sports or go into any barbershop we cluck like hens. It’s like watching an episode of Wendy Williams without the gay transvestite with the New York accent chirping at you for an hour.

Men talk about what they did, who they did it with and in general just lie about dumb shit or politics. Its legit all we do. But there’s a difference between me telling my barber I can bench press 873lbs and me telling my barber that my boys girl is a horrible slut with no soul.

When did that become a thing?

Or it’ll be some sideways hate like lying and telling niggas to not mess with a chick cause “she bad as hell” when she’s not. Like at all. Really? This is where we at? I expect that in a salon.

Do you know how many females on this island think I’m a horrible person/slut/asshole based on information they heard from someone I dated or went to college with?

I totally get females doing that. They’ve been doing it from the dawn of man. But now I gotta be worried about dudes talking shit too? What part of the game is that? Listen I get pillow talk. Pillow talk is the only arena where a man should lay with a woman and talk gossip because all couples do that. That’s just par for the course. But now-a-days guys are picking other guys’ mouths to get info so they can scurry back to the dudes girlfriend to feed her “the 411”. I’d feel more comfortable if niggas did it to sleep with my girl but that’s the upsetting part: They’re doing it just to do it.

Stop liking man.

And yes, we’re not leaving you out, gay dudes, y’all gotta chill out too.

Disclaimer: I have 0 issue with gay folks as I’ve written about and stated on several occasions. But a lot of y’all don’t have to be as bitchy as you are. And no I don’t mean that you’re ultra-feminine, I mean that you just bitchy. The exact same as the men mentioned above only we trust y’all around our girls. Unless he’s some bi-sexual Frank Ocean nigga that’ll have sex with your girl out of spite

Just please remember y’all still men and from a gender perspective y’all still supposed to be on our side. Unless you identify as a female or whatever. Honestly this is me just asking y’all to not talk shit about us because y’all have so much power!

In the end I just need men to be men again. We were made different and its time we BE different.

Women, be honest, do you want to date a man or one of the aforementioned fuckboys? I’m sure there’s going to be some 2016 thinking female that’s going to chew me out in the comment section for being hyper masculine and assuming gender roles and all that drivel she learned in some college class while never caring about her edges ever.

Absolutely there’s an argument that exists that men were perhaps too masculine or hyper masculine at one point. Perhaps there was a time that we didn’t show enough emotion: didn’t cry enough, understand enough, feel enough or even empathize enough. But my god there has to be a distinction. There has to be a line that separates us. There just has to. Just yesterday they announced that my beloved Wonder woman is Bisexual….something I totally get cause what else is there to do on an island full of 6ft tall warrior chicks?

My only point is either we’re living on the amazon island of Themyscira or we’re living in a mixed gender society that, I think, needs SOME division.

Either way let me know.

I know a few chicks who have made some “If you were the last man alive” comments to me that I need to cash in on if we keep this shit going as is.

I’m just saying.

 

Stay(genderly)Woke

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