If I’m being honest I’m envious of American politics. I truly am. Here in the Bahamas we have the illusion of choice. In America one party wants to give everyone free health care and the other is super pro-choice. I think we all know who the pro-choice folks are.
We don’t even have cool rhetoric or slogans. We got a weird 3 finger salute and a Lickety Split waffle cone set ablaze.
No cool words or sayings like the democrats have “woke” and republicans have taken over the word “context” like…
Context. It’s a word that’s been thrown around a lot lately. So allow me to explain the context for why I think NBA champion and Kingsway Alumni Rick Fox should be prime minister.
Let’s get the semantics out of the way: Rick Fox is a 3 time NBA champion who dated Vanessa Williams.
Y’all hear me?
And, to be clear, Vanessa Williams is a pisces. If you’ve never dated/been in love with a pisces then you can not fathom the horrors this man may or may not have had to deal with. The man dated a pisces AND can swim.
HE CAN SWIM.
To the uninitiated you probably read that and said…
But if you went to Kingsway you read that about him then your reaction was probably…
If we’re keeping score the man went to Kingsway, can swim, can dunk a basketball, grew up in Fox Hill at a time when Fox Hill was goddamn FOX HILL ….
…he went on to survive a relationship with a Pisces who just happened to be goddamn Vanessa Williams and, the cherry on top: He played for and got rings with the Los Angeles Lakers.
And not just any lakers….
The only thing more Bahamian than being a Lakers fan is probably being a Lakers fan that grew up in Fox Hill. If he got anymore Bahamian he would have to morph into a literal bowl of souse that married a Kalik on Montague beach.
Also, the man appeals to all of us. He’s black enough to where we all know he’s from the soil and he’s light skinned enough that the eastern road and Lyford Cay whites will fuck with him. He’s the perfect volume of nigga for the nation if ya ask me.
Let me break it down.
What else y’all want from him exactly?
Did I mention he can dunk? None of y’all ex prime ministers could dunk. And yes, that’s a fucking plus in my books cause Minnis did one goddamn rep of butterflies in Macfit and y’all wanted to hear bro out.
Did I mention Rick is good looking?
When last we had an objectively good looking leader?
Answer quickly.
Not never.
We have a chance to have a Trudeau ass nigga in the prime ministers seat that doesn’t have to use taxpayer dollars to finance his can’t-pull-gals-organically lifestyle. Imagine that….a Bahamian politician so good looking he doesn’t have to use our hard earned money to beg a mid lightskin gal for piece’a leg that, without his clout/our money he could never pull in a million years.
Imagine what our country would look like.
We can talk about him having his own money all day but his good looks are a plus no matter how you swing it.
I’m wildin?
This is an accurate amalgamation of all the prime ministers we’ve had thus far rolled into one…
…and now the potential prime minister they told you not to worry about….
It’s not lost on me that the prevailing argument will be and has been….
…to which I would respond….
Now all of a sudden our leaders make sense?
NOW we nitpicking?
Last I checked the nigga that owns a laundromat was in charge of Tourism the other day. At one point y’all had a doctor running the prison. Y’all have a female house speaker who is “on the fence” about marital rape (did I mention she’s a WHOLE human woman?) And we had SEVERAL lawyers and a doctor run the country and how exactly did that work out for us?
Ladies and gentleman Brave is not going to save you, Pintard is not gonna win and Trump is on some other shit. We are at the “misewell” stage of this horror show we call 2025. But as silly as my verbiage has been thus far I actually do have a plan that can actually work.
We need to assemble a Bahamian Suicide Government. A one term wrecking machine of a team of Bahamian political allstars lead by Rick Fox.
Hear me out.
We gather the best politicians from both parties with Rick Fox as leader: The proverbial superman if you will. I’m talking the best of the best. They come together, sell the people what ya need to sell Bahamians more or less to win an election. It honestly doesn’t take much. Couple free t shirts, wings, sweet soda , rum and soon to be broken promises will do. But ya gotta say something outlandish that the people connect to. Something so dumb that it has to be true.
Boom.
Election over.
Next Rick Fox and the National Initiative for Glorifying God Association: Selah party, aka N.I.G.G.A.S, will on day one get in and just wreck shit on behalf of the people. But like…..for good. Just 4 years of life changing amendments.
No refereandum. Just motion.
You may read this and think I’m kidding around but I’m really not. Look at the world right now. Do things seem to be going swell? The old guard has failed us. After Pindling all these niggas have done is manage this country. Lets just tell the truth. Rick Fox is 56. He’s young. The man has our thoughts. He has actual ideas. And, let me be clear….that man does not know me and I’ve never met him. I heard tales of him when I went to Kingsway but never saw the man. We whispered about him on the campus as if he was a mythical being…
So please don’t think I’m on some campaign for that man. He could have literally been anyone that seemed to have sense. As long as it wasn’t ANY of the present niggas then whoever presented themselves would have gotten my nod that’s how far down the shit hole we are with leadership in this country. Shit….Vanessa Williams could run and she’d get my vote off her looks alone.
I’m just tired of the niggas we do have. Tired of the same old dance and bullshit we’re accustomed to and the only thing we do about it is write epistles on Facebook and form weird whatsapp groups for parties and leaders that could give a fuck less about us once elected. Y’all out here starving , marching, protesting and begging for change in the country while niggas in the governing party out here doing toothy Tinder ads.
I’m ready for new lies. I’m ready for new promises. I’m ready for new ideas. I’m ready for someone who we know looks and sounds and thinks like us without the manipulation and left over colonial mindset of our long deceased oppressors.
I’m ready for a Prime Minister that we can be proud of and claim on a global stage. Someone alive, alert, sharp, articulate and cunning.
Give me the guy that knows how to win not just manage.
A fox can be smarter than a wolf and this is the land of wolves now.
Let the “Misewell” era begin.
Be safe tho
