By Drew

Dear BPL,

How are you?

I hope this letter finds you well.

Let me start by saying I’m sorry….and I, nay…WE forgive you.

No, don’t turn away….look at me, beloved. I know we talked much shit about you. I mean….just a lot of vitriolic terrible shit. I mean like….just utter filth….especially on Facebook.

I see the posts.

“I wish everything in this world that is demonic and violent happens to BPL and BPL alone. I hope their mothers die of a broken heart due to how violently their worthless piece of shit child dies in their arms. I PRAY their kids never follow their dreams and…”

Ya…it got sketchy on my timeline for a minute. But I’m here to tell you we’re sorry.

Just…..just stop.

That’s enough now.

This isn’t you.

Remember back in the day when y’all used to cut the light off for like 6 hours once a week? I never thought I’d say it but I miss those days. Y’all were nicer then.

Better.

“It hot but at least this their one outage this week. Imagine if they did this in 2-8hr intervals every day indefinitely?LOL….wild.”
“Light went off on Monday. It is now Thursday. Every breath my wife takes near my body draws her closer to her inevitable murder by my hands. The children have grown restless. My knife will taste their blood first. I fear I am losing my mind….send help. “

You’ve changed, BPL. But hey….it’s not like you promised a whole nation that there WOULDN’T be load shedding cause….

….Oh

Well besides that it’s not like we’re gonna be doing this for a long time I imagine cause….

…Oh

Ok Ok but, listen…I know your heart, BPL.

If there was ANY alternative to archaic generators that require fuel you would have sought that out. It’s not like I’m stupid and think we can get power from…I don’t know….the sun or something silly…

Yikes….didn’t see that coming

Well, hey….to me that’s fake news, beloved. I don’t listen to their drivel. Cause if I know you, you won’t have multiple places fucked all the way up that’s just not-

Is Beatrice Avenue even a real place in real life?…..niggas out here cutting lights off in Narnia and shit

Regardless, lets not get caught up in facts, blaring inconsistencies and ineffeciencies being documented about you. I don’t believe them. I believe you.

But I won’t lie, it’s getting hard to defend you, beloved. I saw a baby the other day calling BPL because of how hot it was….that’s when I knew shit was real.

“Good day is this BPL? Can I ask something? What in the cinnamon toast fuck are y’all doing in the Winton area?”

A toddler said those words and I seent it. I SEENT IT!

BPL, you have to stop this.

You are going down a path that I can not follow.

We get it.

Trust me…..this is a lesson learned. But this plan to kill us before the robots do is a bridge too far.

Oh, you heard me…..I feel like you’re trying to murder us….I’ve thought this out. Here’s what I think the plan is….correct me if I’m wrong.

You’ll keep “load shedding”, forcing people to eventually leave their homes. Now we’re all on the road driving and cussing each other out off air cause its hot.

Pictured above: Me losing my mind because its hot and someone made a perfectly legal right turn at a perfectly acceptable speed. Not sure why I have on a turtleneck but stay focused.

Then, once we’ve exhausted gas money and “lets go to the bar while the lights off” money….we start to steal. But we won’t steal money or goods….we’re gonna steal AC.

We’ve already seen evidence of this.

Y’all think this was about “theft” aye? Niggas needed a nap in some AC but y’all thought they was tiefin? Lol…y’all wild #TheyJustWantedSomeCool

Then…the coup de gras……anarchy.

Chaos

But what did Little Finger teach us about chaos in Game of thrones?

Little finger taught me more in 7 seasons than Kingsway did in 13 years #iStillAinUsePythagarusTherom #StillNoPool

Know how I know this is a plot? Cause URCA ain sayin shit. Their entire job is to regulate and ensure consumer rights are protected.

Pictured above: Bahamians daily lives

Meanwhile URCA is like….

We have generator and we’re terrified to actually do our jobs so we misewell play safe cause y’all ga sweat anyway Huh? Power outages?”- URCA

Somehow, some way this feels like a plot to eradicate niggas and leave this island to the out west folks.

Oh I saw your posts about how “Lyford Cay, Old Fort Bay and Cable Beach are offline”.

Lol….thats cute.

We lying to each other now, beloved?

Its come to this?

You aren’t man enough to cut off Old Fort Bay lights….I wouldn’t talk bout Lyford Cay. MAYBE Cable Beach for 5 minutes but one thing about government: they not messing with the money. These niggas barely pay property tax but y’all now mustered up the balls to cut their power?

Imagine If Lyford Cays lights went out “in 2 hour intervals”…

The 3 word broadcast text sent to all government officials from Lyford Cay/Old Fort Bay residents if their lights have the audacity to even FLICKER in this bitch. #BitchYouThought?

And ya know Peter Turnquest….he’ll turn house nigga quick to appease them.

Pictured above: Peter Turnquest protecting Bahamian “interests”

You’re trying to start a purge like scenario so that there’s more land for…I don’t know….Disney?

I know how our government go, BPL….they gave you 30 pieces of silver and made you do this. They tryna build a 21 by 7 Disney park. Let’s not act like they’re above selling islands to the highest bidder. Lets not pretend like they give a shit about us, BPL.

BPL, don’t do this.

Don’t implement, what I’m sure the Prime Minister has dubbed ,“The Black Out Doomsday Project”

(Did….did ya get it? Cause it’s like he’s killing niggas via blackouts so there’s the obvious electrical power outage part of the joke but on the back end the Bahamas is predominantly black so it would literally be a “black out”….get it? God I’m good at this. I mean I’ve written some good stuff before but that one just hits different. Anyway…back to the article I guess…..you’re welcome by the way)

Don’t do it BPL.

We can talk about this.

We can get through this summer. Load shedding us to extinction won’t help. You are being reckless and acting with abandon. You’re better than that. You’re behaving so badly I almost miss BEC.

The power bill use to hit different when it came from BEC. BPL wildin #FindTheLie #I’llWait

BEC respected us.

Sure he was mean at times. At times he wasn’t always there or maybe didn’t treat us the way we deserved. But he was our boy. He woulda let ya live if ya bill wasn’t paid on time because he understood he was doing shit on the side. BEC was like the Basil Dean of government agencies.

You know he don’t know what he’s doing or saying 3/4’s of the time but you know his heart is in it and he means well #He’sTryingHisBestOK? #SeasBeen4-7FeetOverTheOceanMyWholeLife

And that was enough for us. Just keep the light on 70% of the year. Thas it. But this? This is insane, BPL and you know it.

Have you seen this FNM sun? Ine think you feel this FNM sun. Cause when Perry was in power it wasn’t this hot. But this “the peoples time” crew got me thinking their mantra is more of a threat than a promise.

“Delete that “to die from heat” at the end of “The people’s time”. You tryna give the plan away aye?” #FindSomeoneThatLooksAtYouTheWayBrentLooksAtMinnis #TrueLove

This FNM sun is scorching like satan himself is farting humidity onto us and us alone.

So, BPL….I prostrate myself before you.

I put my pride aside.

We’re sorry for the insults. We didn’t mean it. Just…….just stop.

Help us.

Help us to not kill each other due to heat rage. And for god sakes just let me have enough juice in this Macbook to finish this article before you cut the pow

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