It’s been a journey this season guys, leaks, incredible Dragon CGI, Dick-On, DUMB Plans, fan service, mansplaining, Danny’s F-Me eyes, teleporting across Westeros, confusing plot points, and occasional frustration.
But I meaaaaannn…
Game of Thrones was awesome and everyone needs to shut up about the technicalities pic.twitter.com/VUjn00TwTJ
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) August 22, 2017
With all of that being part of #GOTS7 it’s questionable if they can actually pull off a coherent finale and restore the confidence of both the television show watchers and the book readers. Hear us out though, they were in this exact same position last year, and they delivered the best episode the show has ever had in Winds of Winter. You know how they did it? Down 3-1 they put the ball in the hands of their best closer and she delivered…
Dakarai: Cersei has won the last 2 GOT season finales. She’s basically a cross between, Brady, Lebron, Serena. Cersei in 8.
Taige: Last episode’s teaser reel indicated a showdown between Cersei and the Aunt/Nephew team of John Snow and Danerys confronting the Queen of 2 and a half (at best) of the 7 kingdoms, my guess is that they’ll show her the wight they brought back from north of the wall.
Don’t expect it to go well.
Cersei is batshit insane, it doesn’t matter if the Night’s king himself went to king’s landing to threaten eternal winter and damnation on the seven kingdoms, she’ll be fine with that as long as it means she gets to be the queen of the dead people because she’s not a sensible person.
My guess is Jamie’s “Kingslayer” storyline goes full-circle and he stabs his twin sister through the heart because he’s had enough of her shit.
Ricardo: It’s my belief the producers of the show are preserving Cersei for the Night King. Why else she ain’t die? She’s done way too much to die a basic, polite death. She’ll make it to next season.
Renaldo: In the very first episode of GoT, we were introduced to Cersei as a cold, calculated brother-fucker that placed self interest above all else. We were mandated to hate her and we have. You watched the show the show to see Cersei fall…and that’s why she needs to stick around. There’s no great story without a great villain and Cersei is the greatest of them all. You can look north of the wall for a moment, we can even attach redeeming qualities to Ceresi in the finale, but expect her to stick around and eventually revert to…well to who she is.
John: SHE GONE DIE.
Dakarai: Why do you like Cersei? Prepare for a run on sentence… She’s easily the most complex character on the show, she thinks she’s more clever than she is(I relate), in a world that tells her she’s a second class citizen because she’s a woman she rebels, the chip on her shoulder has led her to make some of the worst decisions in Westeros, but the love for her children and her cheekbones have made her ruthless and the driving force for this show since season one. Bblah blah blah blah blah, shut up we need Cersei and if she dies I’m not going to work on Monday. At least Cersei has the guts to be what she wants to be.
Dakarai: Let’s hope this is all a trick so they can kill Little Finger otherwise Arya on air. #TeamSansa
Renaldo: I’m just here for the fake smile across her face once Jon gets back and she no longer runs Winterfell. I’m uneasy whenever the Starks are too happy, George Double-R is setting us up
Taige: Arya can carve her into steaks and wear her face for all I care. She’s one of the worst written, worst developed characters on the show. After all the terrible things she’s been though she isn’t any smarter for it. She’s the new Rickon.
Ricardo: Lady Sansa about to level up this weekend……. Looking at you Littlefinger.
Dakarai: Greyworm, I mean go see Missandei “Fine for no reason” of Naarth one more time tho.
Taige: The Red Witch travels from Dragonstone to Casterly Rock and gives them all their dicks back and they go on a rampage that results in the folks residing on the lands that the Lannisters once controlled being a little….erm… darker.
Renaldo: All we’ve heard for several seasons is how this dickless group of mercenaries are some of the best fighters in the seven kingdoms. Prove it. They got their asses handed to them by the Sons of the Harpie and H&M Greyjoy. Get a win dammit, and not a “gimme” like taking an undermanned King’s Landing. They get outfitted with Dragonstone spears and lay waste to the whitewalkers this week.
Ricardo: After watching the preview for Sunday’s episode, who give these niggas boat? I know they’re tired asf and praying nothing pop off at the dragon pit.
The Knight King
Dakarai: Somehow the Knight King and Kaepernick have not been signed to an NFL roster yet. Anyway, he’s most likely to fly over the Wall with his Ice Dragon, and let his army of the dead through. Thanks, NFL Owners, now look what you did.
Renaldo: The Night King getting a dragon is a lot like Steph Curry getting Kevin Durant. It may take some getting used to in the beginning, but my God…if they make this thing work….I don’t know how anyone beats them.
Ricardo: It’s been a long week for this dude, teaching his new dragon all type of tricks. We all been there, new car, we want to know all it can do. But make no mistake, at some point Sunday, this nigga pulling up at the Wall and demanding entry. Boarder agents should call in sick.
Taige: Two words: Dragon Dogfight
Jon & The B-Team
Dakarai: “Nothing fucks you harder than time”. Shouts to Davos for this gem. He probably dies this episode tho. Rest in Power.
Ricardo : When you realize Jon got a better squad than the Dolphins this season! Beyond The Wallers in 8.
Taige: Jon already earned the title of “Baddest motherfucker in Westeros” when his brother got snuck on some sucker shit, Jamie lost his hand and some fuckboys from the other side killed Barristsan Selmy (RIP Homie). Now he has a deep and diverse squad of Wildlings (RIP Wun Wun), Dothraki, Ironborn, A badass ninja assassin sister/cousin, a all-seeing eye brother/cousin, the homie who’s dad hit his dad in the chest with a fucking hammer and killed him in Gendry, his Aunt Dany, 2 dragons, an army of guys with no dicks who are pissed about it , Sir Daavos Seaworth – the greatest hypeman of all time, and Lyanna Goddamn Mormont.
John: Podrick bout to fuck shit up and save the world. Stay Woke.
Renaldo: Suicide Squad without Harley Quinn’s short skirt but equally awful strategy. I root for them solely because they signed the Hound in free agency.
He’s going to stomp a mudhole in the Lannisters then go to the wall and show the Night’s King how Valyrian steel tastes.
Bron & Jaimie
Dakarai: Cersei’s ex probably switches sides and teams back up with Tyrion.
Taige: Jamie is going to film his “Kingslayer” sequel and then join the money team. Bron, who really wants his castle, will follow and make sure nothing happens to him because if Jamie dies there is no castle to be had. Bron REALLY wants his damn castle.
Ricardo: Jaime can’t go into season 8 fucking his sister. Only room for one incest storyline pre-season. Jaime leaves Cersei and Braun takes High Garden.
Renaldo: We’ve already seen that Jaime is willing to ride head first into danger and risk it all just to make Cersei happy. It has nothing to do with winning this war, he’s completely consumed with his life as a brother-lover and will do all of the stupid things necessary to maintain that. He survives simply because we all need to see him become woke and free himself from the the shackles of pussy penitentiary. Bron doesn’t really want to play for the team he’s on anyway, his buddy cop movies with Tyrion grossed way more at the box office.
Dakarai: He better make up for that 5 points, 2 rebound, 7 turnover game he had last week.
Ricardo: These the finals bro, can’t have two bad games in a row.
Taige: We know what’s going to happen here.
Renaldo: Easily my favourite character on the show. We’re the same person. I have irrational confidence in the Hound and I believe that he should be on the Iron Throne. He stays alive and more importantly exacts revenge on his overrated brother. Usain Bolt lost a race this year, Kap can’t get a job… I can’t lose another hero this soon.
Daenerys of the House Targaryen, CHARGIE, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”.
Dakarai: They have not shown any pictures of Danny or the dragons from the finale because the iron throne will be determined by bad ass entrances and pageant wear.
Taige: I think when it comes out that Jon is actually the rightful king they square up and have a dragon dogfight (the sequel, after the square up with the Night’s King).
Dakarai: The last parts of her name is Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons. She may not get her dragon back in this episode but trust in season 8 that moment’s coming.
She has too much Mad King in her to let it go that easily. She’s definitely going to say “burn them all” at some point.
Ricardo: SMH, the ONE incest storyline I was referring to. These boat rides is be too long….. that’s how you get pregnant.
Renaldo: Danny and all of her million nicknames have to be shook headed into this. She lost the first few battles of the war and right when things we looking up, she took her biggest L when she lost Viserion to the Night King’s ice dick. It may have been her biggest L since she lost Khal Drogo (that was a bigger deal than the gold masked terrorists, I’ll fight you for disagreeing). As much as we loved Danny’s rise to power and finally putting it all together, we needed two things to make her a compelling and more complexed character – we needed to see how she would handle absolute power and we needed her to realise that everyone’s vulnerable and absolute power doesn’t actually exist. Of course Danny survives this. We didn’t get all the way to the goal line to fumble at the one. She’s from Dragonstone…not Cleveland.
John: Jon and Khaleesi will have some argument that will lead to them finally going all the way. Then one of them will die.
Death is the enemy. The first enemy and the last. The enemy always wins, but we still need to fight him.
Keep Your Eyes North of The Wall.