By Drew

 

I’m getting real tired of women writing articles about how men cheat. Actually I’m getting tired of women in general writing anything about everything a man does because how would you know, beloved? Are you gonna read an article, by someone as stupid as me, concerning how to not have period cramps?

“The blood coming out of your vagina is due to excess nagging and attention seeking. Making a sandwich and being quiet for your man will aid with cramping. #LowkeyMayBeRightTho”

I think it’s time y’all really get a precise list of how to tell when your Bahamian man is cheating.

 

1. If he gets his hair cut before 9am on a Friday, by appointment, then he’s cheating.

No man gets this crispy…

Who lined this nigga up? Jesus? Allah? Tom Cruise? #TellMeWhoToWorshipCauseThisNiggaCrispy

…at 7am without some agenda.

Faithful niggas get their haircut between 10am and 4pm on a Friday. But, unless that nigga is SUPER busy at his all male job or has an early morning flight…I’m sorry that nigga cheating. Also, you should note, he’s probably fucking someone on his job. Bridget in Compliance doesn’t mind doing butt stuff and she doesn’t nag about him not “communicating” and “fulfilling your emotional needs due to his unresolved father issues”. Nigga walkin into work with, what appears to be, a shape-up sculpted by the sword of Akasha and gals out here think they safe…lol.

Silly rabbits.

“Hey, Brent….you have any barber appointments for like 5:30am? I got some cheating to do at work”

Stay Woke.

 

2. Niggas in tinted Hondas with Cold AC

Let me get this straight: You really thought you got in a relationship with this nigga because of his good looks, morals and some bullshit like “general attraction”? Beloved….any nigga who drives a Honda is like the pied piper with kids….the weird murdery pied piper not the weird pedophile one.

A lot of y’all watched R. Kelly pee on a little girl and STILL stepped in the name of love….I ain forget. #MeToo

A tinted Honda with cold AC is like a roofie for women.

It’s the most powerful aphrodisiac in Nassau. It’s the ultimate Bahamian male cheat code (Pun intended). You get in and automatically you feel at home, comfortable….like all your troubles are washed away in this nocturnal moving sex dungeon. You don’t even know when you developed feelings for this nigga. You just know he took you to Lickety Split on Sunday and was playing Gyptian….next thing you knew he was in it raw making promises he still hasn’t kept. And you think THATS the nigga who won’t cheat? He’s probably as shocked as you are that you were this ignorant.

“But Felicia we have only been together for 8 years and I drive a 2018 Honda Civic…why would you think you were the only one? #HowSway?”

Gals weird bey.

 

3. Niggas who lick their lips…. a lot.

 

Do you or someone you love know a nigga that licks his lips a lot? Then you are in danger of being cheated on if you pursue him and I just want better for you, love. Any nigga with always moist lips will never be faithful to you….its legit in the Bible but y’all have forgotten the words of our risen saviour and it shows.

Proverbs 10:21 says….”The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of understanding.”

Ladies and gentleman….

The lips of the righteous…

And here we have….

The many he feeds

…which then leaves…

…the fool that will emotionally die due to lack of understanding that NIGGAS WHO LICK THEIR LIPS A LOT IS CHEAT, SIS!!

 

SMT…y’all hard head, bey.

 

4. Any man over the age of 30 with cornrows that isn’t rich.

Wait. you’re dating/married to a man over 30 with cornrows? LOL….cheating is the least of your concerns, beloved.

Is…is he even working?

Every nigga who looks like this smells like beedies, Hennessy and unemployment.

Find a new church home and do better. Nigga whole hairdo is a red flag and you out here talkin bout…

“A real Queen builds up her black King!! #MichelleObama #HeIsInBetweenJobs”

Look at me, Keisha.

 

No, love….look at me.

 

Not all black men are kings: Adult cornrows don’t lie.

 

Shhhh….wipe those tears, go and sin no more.

 

5. Any man that went to Queens College

Hear me out….have you ever SEEN the students at Queens College? Queens College is a melting pot of races, ethnicities and niggas. They are the living embodiment of what they say the world will look like in 50 years. Every gal in QC looks like Jhene Aiko.

Jhene Aiko went to QC. Am I lying? Be honest….you’re not really sure are you? Exactly

My point is, when you have that many options, theres NO WAY a man can be faithful in the real world. In Kingsway we had 3 options: white, black or mixed. QC had a plethora of choices and, because of this, my theory is niggas confidence probably higher than giraffe dick because they lack the fear necessary to be faithful. The average man would be intimidated to approach a Cassie or a Khloe Kardashian. Not QC niggas….they been around that energy all their life.

Looka this QC ass nigga! Better get a man that went (to) the Kings-Way

I’m not saying all QC niggas bad….I’m just sayin all of them is probably cheat and that in no way is a glaring contradiction with zero facts to back it up.

 

6. Men who always broadcast their wives on social media

Alexis loves his wife….we all KNOW Alexis loves his wife. Alexis loves his wife so much that we fear for the future of the world if anything was to happen to her cause this nigga is the Robert Baratheon of love.

8 seasons of war all because of his love for Lyanna….I mean there was incest, giants, backstabbing, wolves, murder, wanton rape and sexual assault but mostly love tho

But notice he only posts her when necessary. Its not overkill its just, “Hey….we had some lunch and we look cute so here’s a pic”. Not y’all fake faithful niggas. Y’all post everything 4 days a week with an epistle under it.

What you tryna prove, beloved?

Why you documenting this lie?

“We’ve been married for 48minutes and, not to be dramatic, but I will literally kill myself and everyone on this island just for an ounce of her time, a smidgen of a kiss, a teaspoon of her smile and a morsel of her benevolence. She is perfect and kind….we juice almost hourly…She is my queen!!”

 

 

“Ya I just drop that bitch to work…what you up to tho? Same time same place or your husband home?”

I know it looks good for the Gram but trust and believe them niggas who always posting their wives be the niggas who do the most shit. Meanwhile some dude with no pics of his wife or gf is in love with his girl but posts nothing because privacy, and he’s getting ALLLLLLLL the smoke.

“Patrice, I know he takes you out, loves you, treats you good, introduced you to his family, loves your child as his own, pays the bills and has ambition….but is it even real if its NOT on Facebook?? You deserve better!!”

 

 

7. Men who went to Jordan Prince William (Prince Will) 

It’s not even a real private school and he told you it was and you think your relationship ISN’T built on lies and deceit?

lol….weird flex but ok.

 

Be safe tho

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