By Drew

 

 

I used to hate taking out the garbage when I was with my ex. It always blew my mind how the most feminist woman in the world will turn into the least feminist woman in the world whenever the garbage is full or there’s a flying roach present.

“This gal getting chase by this roach but she say she don’t need no nigga so…… #GoodLuckBeloved #Equality”

Always blew my mind how 2 people can make so much garbage and I had to be the one to take it out. I love when a chick has been single for a long time and has that plastic bag hanging from her kitchen cupboard to collect garbage due to the lack of men in her life. Don’t get cute, ladies. You know the situation I’m describing.

If she has this in her kitchen then she probably isn’t on birth control. #Science #SheDontCareBoutTheEnviornmentAndYouThinkSheCareBoutYouPullinOut?

I’m trash….I’m a horrible person and I recognize so much of myself in other Bahamian men that I think its time we address it.

I have written several articles and typically I speak on how Renaldo is the worst person I know (cause he is) and how, the false god Ricardo Wells was the moral compass of 10th YearSeniors.

 

Was.

 

We have a new hero now with actual morals and a kind heart worthy of our praise and admiration.

Nigga made a collage. A nigga that creates a collage for you loves you more than you’ll ever know. #IneMakinNoCollage #HadToMarryHim

Despite my admiration for Alexis and his marriage, I’m sure there was some point in his life when he was absolute trash. I have no proof of this nor have I had any real sit-down with him to verify any of this info but……do I need to?

I mean….he went to SAC, bey.

Nothing good or important ever came out of this school don’t argue with me right now. #ArgueWitYaMa #AskHimWhereHisWifeGoneToSchoolTho

My point is, if Alexis WAS trash at some point and got married then why would Bahamian women EVER feel like we shouldn’t ALL be trash at one point or another?

 

Do y’all understand how terrible we are?

 

Every person reading this right now knows of a situation where they have had to ask friends of a friend, “Bey, why she even with this nigga if heen working, always high and is do her SO bad??”

We ALL know that one girl, that was some dudes side chick, defend him to the (inevitable) bitter end. Then they blog about it or justify it like…

“Ya I know he’s cheating on his wife and I know its not just me but he gave me $5 for gas 4months ago…he really is a sweet guy!”

Niggas will do the bare minimum and gals will justify it like he did the world.

Listen to how y’all talk about “good” dads. Y’all praise niggas for just keeping children alive.

“Girl I don’t know bout your man but Brandon watches the kids while I shower and he’s amazing….he even feeds them sometimes maybe!!!”

You mean…..you mean he acts like a parent?

We’re giving niggas credit for taking care of babies they put in you?

And yes, I know there are fathers out here not even doing the bare minimum and that’s why the supposed “few” fathers that ARE putting in that work have to be appreciated. But, beloved…..maybe…just maybe…..if we treated it like it was normal and not an achievement then maybe niggas wouldn’t bring it up as a credit to their existence.

“Bey, I literally watched 15 minutes of Spongebob with lil man and I got a blowjob so I guess Imma just do that once every 3 months or so and see where this goes.”

That’s like me walking in your home, shitting on your floor (while looking you dead in your eye for effect) and then cleaning up my own shit and you sitting there like….

“I love this man…..look how he cleans for me!!! #Bae #MCE”

I’m lying?

 

K

 

‘Member that time Chante Moore wrote a whole song about how she has a “man at home”?

(Plot twist: In the end he was STILL cheating)

 

If you don’t have data or just don’t have time to listen to a perfect song sung by the one lightskin gal that can sing, let me quote some of these hilarious lyrics for ya.

“One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch girl
He always treats me right, we never fight
He sends me flowers and wines and dines me
Took me home to meet his momma
How he loves me”

Um…..if you love someone and y’all together shouldn’t “treating you right” be a part of the relationship?

I mean I know flowers lil expensive but you meeting my mother is not only free but most of these mothers are savage as fuck…….they’ll play like they knew you from time just to help their son get some leg.

“Ok so she’s coming over tonight, her name is Karen, she’s either a Veterinarian or a florist….I forget….either way just act like I talk bout her….a lot.  #aMothersLove”

To make matters worse, y’all don’t even know JUST how trash we are. Do y’all have any idea how dark our thoughts are?

Don’t let these bloggers gas you. Go tell your lover/husband/spouse/boyfriend/that woman husband that you’re period is late. You want him to be like this….

“YAY!!! 18 years of school fees, no money and having to pretend to love this gal I barely know! YAYY!!!”

But lowkey you know he’ll be like this…

Mad cuz you miscalculated the next to the-the last pump

But the truth of the matter is, ladies…..that nigga is thinking this….

“This will fix this problem I created due to Hennessy and lies!”

Then y’all think that niggas actually care about anything you care about. Honestly, unless we really love you…..we really don’t.

 

Please don’t let…

 

Wait a sec…..I just realized I said that Chante Moore was the only lightskin gal that can sing. Sweet Jesus on the cross.

Forgive me, Queen. For what its worth, you are more than a gal….so much much more. #I’mSorry #SheEvenLookDisappointed #WhatGodHasPutTogether

Pardon me…

 

As I was saying: Please don’t let these niggas in your comments and in your dms gas you like they give a fuck about anything you’re doing or believe in. Its all to get in your vagina parts so they can make sex with you.

You can always spot the fuckboy trying to impress on social media.

“First of all I’m a feminist and I feel women have suffered enough in this country. As a vegan who does crossfit…” – Said Frank Batty Boyishly”

 

FOH with that BS.

 

We don’t even think y’all are that funny to be honest.

 

I’m lying?  YOUR crush thinks you’re hilarious, does he?

 

LOL….K

 

Question: Did he laugh harder before he had sex with you or after? Ask him to repeat a “hilarious” joke you told him and watch how he can’t keep that same energy from the first time you told it.

“No no it wasn’t that it wasn’t funny….I already laughed at it so much that now I’m incapable of laughter due to how funny it was!”

Niggas will laugh at your too long stories just enough to get in them drawers….especially if you look good. Fellas, name one super fine fine gal you know who is “hilarious”.

I’ll wait.

 

Its about that time in the article where a few things happen…

Some dude is gonna go in the comment section and proclaim I better “speak for yourself there buddy!” or some woman is going to declare how not ALL Bahamian men are trash and that I’m some bitter, fat nigga that hasn’t had sex ever in life.

To be fair 2 of those things are right….I can concede that.

But, beloved, unless you married your high school sweetheart that you assume isn’t cheating on you or hasn’t (He has), can you really say that there aren’t horrible things about your dude that you legit just decided to endure because he’s more gentleman than he is trash?

“This nigga ain even shower before bed but he loyal and is juice me good so I mean…. “#WhoElseYouGaDanceWith?

I was talking about taking out the trash earlier. Its funny because sometimes women forget that, even though we may be trash……we’re a collection of your garbage and ours.

Oh, don’t get high and mighty yet, ladies. Earlier I said I hated taking out the trash but notice I hate taking it out when its BOTH our garbage. See, we’re only as trash as you allow us to be. If you never threw anything in it then you would never have to take the aforementioned trash out to begin with. Because, at its core, trash is just a collection of things nobody wanted….things people threw away because it was useless and unnecessary.

…oops…

I’m willing to bet if I was to look through a lot of your garbage bins right now I would find something edible, something someone could use, something someone WISHES they had, etc. But when the general sentiment is, regardless of context or experiences…

 

He isn’t rich enough….throw him away.

 

He isn’t tall enough….throw him away.

 

He isn’t like my ex…..throw him away.

 

He isn’t 100% of what Tyler Perry said a man would be like…..throw him away.

 

And the more you put things in the garbage the higher it gets until all you have left is….say it with me….TRASH.

Now you have to sift through mountains of trash just to find the one dude you probably threw away back when you thought a nigga in a Honda, with cold AC, would take you to the promised land.

“Now where did I put that nerd from 2004 that was nice to me and thought I was a princess 68lbs ago?” #HeenWantYouNoMore

Now you think you’re “settling” when really you made us trash when you threw us away years ago. You made us feel like trash when you made general statements like, “Bahamian men ain’t shit”. For all intents and purposes….we really ain shit….but boy y’all didn’t help.

Now you have baggage, mileage and 68 more pounds on you that you didn’t have back in your twenties and now I have been through so much gals that, to me, you’re looking like just another woman trying to get married before your eggs turn to dust. Then you have the audacity to demand I marry you ASAP because of it.

“Bey, I 34 and almost barren. Ignore my obvious red flags, baggage, insecurities and blaring negative personality traits and put a ring on this finger because I’m ready and I look better than 40% of gals in Nassau (she thinks)”

Whats funny is a woman can cheat on a man and, when found out, will justify it using misdeeds as a weapon and at the end of it somehow he comes out being the villain.

“Baby I’m sorry for not washing the dishes to your liking which forced you to cheat on me…..can you forgive me for putting you in that position?”

Meanwhile, if a man does something marginally suspect like tipping the waitress that his girlfriend thinks is “his type” 15.1% of the check then this happens…

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF SHE GAVE STELLAR SERVICE!!! I TOLD YOU HOW I FELT ABOUT THAT BITCH WE BOTH DON’T KNOW!!! #ENOUGH #DESTROYED”

So when she messes up its still somehow our faults because we “put her in that position”. And when one man makes a mistake that dwarfs in comparison to her own??

Easy answer…….Bahamian men are trash.

But we’re the trash you chose. Despite our flaws, insecurities and inability to communicate, beloved,  y’all are stuck with us because, in the infinite words of the worst human being I’ve ever known….

“Who else you ga dance with?”

Don’t label something, throw it away and then expect it to not come out of the mess unchanged.

 

Be safe tho.

 

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