By Gail Hanna
I was supposed to write a response to another article that Drew wrote mere months ago, but like a true creative I procrastinated on it in order to formulate weekends kept coming and next thing you know, I was 4 seasons into Bates Motel…
So after forgetting what it was that I was supposed to write about, I went on the 10th Year Seniors site to try and find it, instead stumbling upon the Friday the 13th scream worthy title – WHY “GOOD” BAHAMIAN WOMEN CAN’T FIND/KEEP A MAN (A STUDY)…
What in the discombobulated name of wifey school is this?
Firstly, as this is the second article Drew has concocted referring to both “good” Bahamian men and women I just want to say… I’m here if you need to talk. Now that that’s out the way, I think that a truly comprehensive look at the mindset of the average “good” Bahamian woman was given, and the thinking that average will get her what she wants. Or at least what she’s been taught to want…
Let’s keep it a buck – the concept of a “good” Bahamian woman getting and keeping a man is based on the race to the altar we so fondly developed over patriarchal centuries. Women being taught that as a “good” woman you can find validation in marriage, with the end goal being the ring they would wibe with Smegal over.
I mean, why else are you dating, if not to get married? Before you answer that, one of my first thoughts was that there was no reference to a society that encourages the willingness of the “good” Bahamian woman to complete the dating and subsequent wifey checklist as outlined by… whomever. This checklist includes but is not limited to the following results-driven best sellers:
- The Personality Factor – How to Tone yourself down or Tone yourself up
- Submission vs. Disobedience – A Guide to Winning His Heart
- Educated and Single – Did the MA get you the MAN?
- Molly the Maid and other stories. Cooking, cleaning, and Catching Him 101
- Churchgoing Cheryl – In a relationship with Jesus until the Marriage Bells
- Searingly Sober – He won’t wife you if you touch the bottle/joint/crackpipe!
- Baby Popping 203 – Trap Dem and Keep Dem
- The Look – Why Makeup, Weave, A Blue Blazer and a Gym Membership Helps
- You’re the Breadwinner? How to make it look like you make less than him
I literally could go on and on, as you can see I have plenty time.
The thing I take issue with is the fact that a man is one of the easiest things to find around here. No, seriously. If you don’t “have” a man, I would merely suggest that you don’t want one. Walk down any road with enough skin showing and hair blowing and you can get you a man. What I believe Drew was referring to is the fact that “good” Bahamian women have essentially priced themselves out of the market by meeting the very checklist set in place by, you guessed it, “good” Bahamian men. Oops.
So, to encourage the management of 10th Year Seniors to consider posting this response, I can agree with the points raised at a base level. I do however think the following points should have been included in the discussion:
- Bahamian men don’t really want a wife or girlfriend. Or to get married, for that matter.
Honesty hour – when was the last time you heard one of your bredrens say, “bey, I can’t wait to get in one relationship bey!”, and he wasn’t intoxicated or on extended dry dock? Don’t worry, I’ll wait. If a Bahamian man could get a friend with benefits and no title, he wouldn’t even try to take the girlfriend step. I’ve heard the male under 30 crowd say things like “by 30 I ga be married”. And guess what? As sure as shit stink, by 30 they have a wife. The quality of the wife or marriage may be a different story altogether, but it is what it is.
Conversely, the average “good” Bahamian man isn’t taught to want to get married, and the ones who miss that “Year 30” mark very rarely do after that. If they get married after 30, they’ve either met their personal Chickcharney or just feel like getting it over with because society says you gotta be with someone to be someone around here.
The men who want to get married and subsequently do usually say something to the effect of “I knew I was going to marry her”, before and after the fact, and can even tell you exactly when they came to that conclusion. It doesn’t take them a year to figure that out, regardless of how “good” or “bad” a Bahamian woman is. There’s no doubt in their mind if they are to reach that conclusion, while you sitting home going over what you need to do as a “good” woman to get and keep him.
Which leads me to point number 2.
- “Good” Bahamian men and women alike don’t know when to move the fuck on when something isn’t meeting their purported needs.
There’s a long list of relationships that continue as we speak because the woman believes her “goodness” can get and keep a man in the first place. She may be ring chasing, while the man is thotting and bopping. Or she needs some solid pics for the gram, while he poses with Hennessy and he boys. “Good” and “bad” women alike love to seek and remain in relationships that don’t service them, grow wings of weary disinterest, and fly up to the perch of the “bitter and better than”, to casually look down on those still choosing to swim in the dating pool with disgust.
The difference is the “bad” women probably figured this cycle out faster than the “good”. As humans we tend to actively ignore all the warning signs that this person is actually not compatible with us, lacks chemistry, has values and ideas we can’t compromise on, and just generally shouldn’t be with us, while simultaneously complaining before exiting and moving on to the next. The proverbial dead horse of a situation or a relationship that probably happened to soon is beaten to the white meat, and then we look around for someone to help clean up the blood over and over again.
By the way, who sold you the idea that meeting the checklist makes you a “good” woman and in the running to get a man? I’m willing to bet the origin is in a church somewhere #justsayin. Are there any truly single, very heterosexual males in church? The small percentage that may exist are usually there because they’re approaching or have just passed that “Year 30” mark, and have a goal to meet. Your “goodness” don’t even matter at that point.
If the “good” woman decides to have fun and live her best life instead of looking for validation in getting and keeping another human being she may finally have the experience she so desperately craves rather than thirsting after these Bahamian men, which is what the “bad” women have most likely already figured out. Do Bahamian men care either way? No they don’t. As one gone, the next one born.
So what’s the truth? Why “good” Bahamian women can’t find/keep a man?
“Why would she want to?”, is the beginning of the answer.