By Drew

 

When I’m having myself a good poop there are many things that go through my head….mostly questions asked by Ghostface Killah on Gza’s song “4th Chamber”. Ghost asks, “Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to Romans while Jesus slept?”. I have a theory on why Judas snitched on Jesus actually….and its not as complex as you would think.

“Every time we eat this nigga, Jesus, playin broke! This the last supper, beloved!” , Judas

We have always questioned original sin. Who did what first and what was the result from those actions.  Typically the average Bahamian argument/fight starts with a far less interesting and far less complex question…..

Pictured above: Kenvado trying to figure out who stepped on his Jordans by the fry and the type of cut ass they’ll receive

The question has been raised time and time again: Are there more good men than good women on this island and, 36yrs of meditative pooping later and I think I’ve come up with the answer to that question.

Here are the facts….

Behind every bad Bahamian man there is/was a bad Bahamian woman. Behind every bad Bahamian woman was probably an even worse Bahamian man. Very few of us were born whores, cheaters, liars and adulterors. It takes training, practice, patience, money…..being a fuckboy/fuckgal is not cheap, dont let these reality shows gas you.

“Ok young gal wan eat, older gal need something for the light bill and the freaky smurf talkin bout she need a ride to work so thas gas money….”

To all 4 of you reading this, if you’re hurt, been hurt, been cheated on or have cheated etc…I can tell you why: It was because of the awakening.

Oh, you dont know what the awakening is?

There is a moment in Ang Lee’s “The Hulk” when Bruce Banner absorbs all the radiation in the room and an internal explosion happened within him awakening…well, the hulk. That is what happens when you have your first real heart break. Not that dumb shit you was on in grade 7 when Patrice McDonald came back from summer break and puberty blessed her in the best ways and you loved her but she was checking a nigga with a Honda with the tail on it….

If she got picked up in this by someone that wasnt a family memeber in the 90’s then she was a hoe and you deserved better

I’m talking that first REAL break up. When you found out they were cheating/didn’t love you and you realize that niggas (male or female) ain shit.

Yeah….THAT break up.

The awakening is the path you chose at the crossroads of “be a hoe” or “love is not dead” Boulevard. Most of us chose the former. The period of time individuals stayed on that path is always shaky. Some were hoes for a day, some for months. Some? Some died as hoes….

…and I think that’s beautiful #TheDevilWeKnew

Absolutely some chose the path of righteousness….quite a few. But mostly, to solve that pain, we tend to become our darker selves….our worst selves. It was within that pain that we defined who we were going to be romantically. Oh we would still grow and evolve as we fell in love again and again but as we did something funny happened: Men got…um…good-er….and women got more bitter.

Therein lies the rub.

Follow me.

Men are born good. No man is born hating women….they are either taught that by elders or experience got them to that very jaded conclusion. But, at our core, men WANT to be good people: We just don’t know how to be.

Now you may cut your eye and suck your teeth at that but understand that the men who raised us grew up in a time where beating your woman within an inch of her life for overcooked porkchops was fucking “frowned upon”.

“…ya but she really baked those porkchops too long tho…..she got off lucky”

So, with that being said, they raised us to react differently to heart break. However, the conclusion of it was to always protect, provide, be good to a good woman…etc. They may waver on the sweethearting and what not but there were morals and principles.

So what do men do? We do our shit early!

Listen to men talk. Its very rarely a present day story. It usually starts with, “I remember this one time (insert fabricated story here).” Because men are dumb as fuck up front.

Sowing your wild oats is a very real and very relevant thing, my friends.

Gotta bust those nuts early. Our pimpage typically ends when we’ve met a chick so crazy that our lives were at stake and we decide its time to get married and cut the bullshit.

“Ya, after that Pinewood gal burn down my house and broke my clavicle I met Christine and decided it was time to settle down”

So no, its not pretty, but by about 35-45? Ya….niggas ready for kraft dinner, chicken and no stress.

Lets Pause the story there and discuss women.

Y’all were taught off rip that life was a Disney movie and prince charming was out there. That he would either kiss you and you would awaken to love, or you would fall in love with your first cousin/sister but that was ok as long as he was going to be king because Disney.

2 male lions in the WHOLE pride and y’all tryna tell me they ain related? SMT #Simba&NahlaLannister #KeepSupportingFoolishness

Women saw the light of love early. They were shown all the trappings and what comes with a healthy strong relationship. The part Disney (and your mothers) left out is that a happy ending is a story that’s not finished yet. The happiness they promised was given a name that even psychiatrists use to this day: The honeymoon phase. Notice that’s where ALL these romantic movies end.

7 years later.

“I hate everything about him as a person and I pray for him to die daily….is that normal?”

In essence: Bahamian women have been bamboozled into a false sense of security by a “Vote No” society.

Ladies, you are not safe in this zoo.

Which kinda explains why the “bad girls” or the women YOU thought would never get married because they were “hoes” early on, got married before you so called “good women” did. They grew up like niggas because their mothers were bad and taught them to use men as things and not as actual people. Or they had very liberal parents that didnt judge them for what society determined was “not ladylike” allowing them to make mistakes early…..which is a good thing if you ask me.  So when the right dude finally broke down those walls and she discovered not ALL niggas were broken pieces of shit that you should just grind for money….

They found love in the back of her car by Red Carpet Inn a hopeless place

Hov once said that, “Once a good girls goes bad she’s gone forever”.

That single line is the point of my argument.

Follow me.

Men were born good, raised badly.

Women were born good, raised well. (Not all, but I think we can say the majority)

Men get married, some under the influence of peer pressure from said female or because of love.

Women get married because they were sold a dream VERY early on and they want to see it fullfilled with the archetype of nigga they were told existed. Not knowing the dude they’re marrying has the ingredients but he’s not the whole pie.

“He makes money, is smart, we never have sex but we talk all night and he’s really into fashion and home decor and is always with his male friends drinking wine and playing tickle fight…..wait…..”#HeGayBeloved

 

Divorce/breakup happens and the question is…..what remains?

That good woman has now turned bad. Not bad by traditional sense mind you. I’m not claiming that every divorcee is a slut nor am I saying that all are jaded. There are the exceptional few that come out of the rabbit hole unscathed by the realities of a flawed love. However….how many don’t? How many didnt even need marriage to become horribly bitter and jaded? Half these gals go bad off one measily breakup that they THINK ended because he “couldn’t commit” .

“Brad? Brad from Winton? He committed as fuck to his fiance tho so….. ” #HeJustWasntOnYourRunBoo

 

This argument renders the “niggas turn a good girl bad” on its head and evens the score. I’m not saying its not true….I’m saying the same can be said of niggas just in a different time. We turned into monsters early and the few women that had early trauma were right there with us. You can always tell when a chick is going through a hoe phase because they use that CLASSIC line…..say it with me fellas…..

“I dont have female friends….I just seem to get along with men better ” #GoThroughYourHoePhaseBeloved #SheGaGetMarriedBeforeYouTho

My argument is not that we’re not ALL flawed, i’m just saying men recover from hurt better than women seem to do. Niggas seem to get married faster or at least find love faster after a divorce or breakup than women do. Part of the reason is we are horrible people capable of grinding on an ex minutes after the break up because niggas dumb.

“Ya we break up lil while now….like round 6 this evening. What you doin tonight tho?”

Meanwhile gals go to gals to hear what gals think about what niggas did. Bear in mind these are the same females that probably caused the break up with their horrible advice and she’s just as dumb for listening.

Sidebar: Ladies, please stop listening to your single, unattractive, cant-keep-a-nigga friends. THERES A REASON THEY ARE SINGLE, UNATTRACTIVE AND CANT KEEP A NIGGA. You had a whole good man. Not perfect but good. Now looka you….20lbs heavier getting cock down by a lesser nigga in a Honda with a tail on it……in 2018.

No, I will never be over this. Judge ya ma

So…..in summation, there are far more good men in nassau than women because men never give up the fight. We learn through experience and grow through hardships. We try and get better relationship by relationship and some succeed and some don’t. Meanwhile, the typical female? Y’all tend to give up pretty quick or just settle for some dude with a routine. You know the nigga….shirt in his pants with his phone on his hip because he is so important in his mind that he needs access to his phone like a cowboy would a gun.

This nigga is lethal when it comes to communicating….he can’t WAIT to respond to your text message.

I runnin out aye?

I’m lying and made general conclusions based on the gals I’ve dealt with eh?

lol….K

Hands up all those that have heard these lines from females:

“If this don’t work out I ga just be a hoe….fuck love”

“I ga just be single forever if this don’t work out cause….”

“I’m just gonna focus on myself and really get to know me”

“I’m gonna date foreign men”

“I ga just be with gals now”

Men when they break up?

“This just a grind, by the way. You remind me of my ex and I’ve matured since then. You wan one gatorade tho?”

 

We try longer to find love while your dreams are dashed by false memories implanted by a society that told you sowing your wild oats was unlady like and beneath you. So yes, in 2018, there are more good men than there are good women in the Bahamas. Not because we’re better but because we didn’t allow love to break us.

So while you…

…were busy trying to get over this…

…this happened….

…and HE was busy doing this…

While you was busy doing this….

When you could have been with this..

But you thought he was weird cause he watched this…

But he grew a beard and ended up doing this….

…so when he ended up with this…

You was busy, on Facebook, talking this…

“I’m so sick of white women taking our FEW good men!! #WhereIsMyBoaz???”

See how y’all is miss y’all blessing? lol

 

Be safe tho.

 

 

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