By Drew

 

I’m getting really tired of driving home or to work in the morning and seeing Greg and Farah Rahming of the overtly monogomous but always excellent music blog “The Chill” running up and down out east like health is important. Ok maybe health is important but….seriously guys?

Ok this isnt them but how annoying are fit people in love bey….buy a treadmill

I prefer to eat Halcyon burgers and focus on lifting heavy ass weight to actual heart health. I find solace in my bigness but lament at my inevitable heart failure because there’s no way my story ends well.

“They say he died bench pressing 5 plates with scotch on his breath #GodsPlan “LordHearMyPrayer”

But that’s neither here nor there. The legalization of weed has become a hot topic for a few months now and even though we’ve pitter pattered with it I think its time we address it head on and….I mean….its the perfect time to do it (because 420) as we discuss why we should legalize weed in the Bahamas.

Disclaimer: The names & scenarios used in this article are fabricated to protect the identities of actual real life people in Nassau.

See how sad that is?

I had to use a disclaimer in the article much like Dakarai and I had to for the podcast we did. Don’t get me wrong, the average Bahamian smokes weed at least 2-98 times a month but we have mothers and aunts and pastors that, if they heard, would look at us different. There is a stigma associated with weed much as there is with number houses that no one can explain to me.

“All you people smoking the thing God created and has 0 health risks are wrong and are going to hell!!! …now who wants fried chicken? #WaitWhat?”

Number houses like Island Luck do more for Bahamians than 88% of the pastors on this island and weed has done more to help niggas like myself not murder whoever manages the Palmdale McDonalds drive thru for never not being wrong and inefficient.

This….this is the sandwich it takes them hours to reproduce. LOOK AT IT!

So why? Why should we legalize weed?

Well first off why the hell do y’all think tourists come here anyway? The outstanding customer service?

“You in room forty tree but ine sure if that shower workin but lemme know when you reach. Link up”

No. Tourists come here for the sun, sand, black men that they assume will readily have sex with morbidly obese white women trying to “get their groove back” and WEED.

I remember when I had dreadlocks and I would come home for the summer. Every bar I went to there would be some tourist asking for weed. Even when I worked downtown there would be multiple tourists asking me where to find it because obviously I know just because I have on a Che Guevara shirt, rasta belt and Clarks.

Ok….I fit the description lil bit but focus on my point and stop distracting me with facts.

Imagine if we built ONE weed shop downtown…

In about an hour all these people will be asleep and/or fucking #StayWoke

So if one weed shop can do that then imagine several.

Oh, my bad. I forgot we wouldn’t want several vendors selling goods that make one lethargic, sleepy, horny, drive like a panda on ecstasy after a thigh snack, hungry, etc.

I mean, who would allow that to happen haphazardly throughout an island no bigger than, lets say, 21 by 7? Certainly not our good Christian Council!!

Pictured above: 75% of the churches in Nassau

Oh.

Well maybe they have an issue with people inhaling smoke that could possibly do harm to their lungs!

…oh

Well, even so, lets not forget that weed makes one hallucinate and see things they could never imagine was real and damn near cause them believe the impossible.

…so weed wasn’t involved in the telling of this story? That’s what you tryna tell me? lol  #BeSafeTho

So then, what are we talking about?

It brings in money, encourages horticulture, farming, and entrepreneurship. And not to mention it has a plethora of overwhelming healthy effects. There’s evidence everywhere that shows its actually beneficial to humans.

For any other writer this would be where I teach you guys about the healthy advantages of smoking weed and how it can help you in the long term. Unfortunately, for you kids, I have an actual 9-5 job that doesnt allow such distractions so, here’s a picture of Taige and Cara who recently eloped.

“I don’t like people at all bey let alone “love”. I mean, I love my girl tho but how could you not” – Taige, 1 year ago in the 10YS groupchat. Congrats and Godspeed! #TheyGotMarriedOnAMountain

Then there’s the fear that once its legalized there will be anarchy in the streets.

Um, beloved, our murder count is what right now? If anything the weed will calm these niggas down, not get them riled up to murder people.

“I mean we could shoot up all of Nassau Village or……OR……order Marcos and sleep on it”

Listen: if you don’t smoke weed and find it abhorrent then, beloved, you’re not going to start smoking tomorrow just because its legal. That’s like saying if we legalize bestiality tomorrow all of a sudden you’ll want to fuck a horse.

To be fair…this a pretty fuckin sexy horse

The weed heads will rejoice and the non smokers will have a regular day at work.

Life goes on.

I’m not one to encourage Bahamians to follow Americas lead. I never have been. But in this case? Beloved….how do you not. They’re the country that came up with Chipotle…..how wrong can they really be bey?

And as evidenced by the recent news that other Carribean countries have decided to legalize it….how long can we really hold out on the inevitable? Why do we hate money and happiness so much as a country? I’m trying to make us some money and quite possibly lower the crime rate meanwhile Minnis out here trying to cause oceanic Armageddon with Oban.

You have the power to fix this and you know you do, Darth Sidious Brent.

I made fun of Greg and Farrah earlier because they chose running instead of lifting weight as their exercise routine.

Exercise is a way of letting go.

The endorphins and rush that comes from working out is euphoric. I can’t judge them for finding that running is their forte and not weights the same way they cant judge me for lifting these niggas out of the gym as they choose to run around the island.

Pictured above: Me lifting niggas out the gym

So whats your vice?

For some its a glass of wine. Some, prayer. Some, exercise. Some even choose to cook or clean. We don’t get to pick the things that fix us. The things that make us feel most ourselves. The thing that relaxes us to within an inch of self actualization. The thing that made me watch Pocahontas high as giraffe penis the other night and make me realize how old I am.

Goddamnit Poca…..this nigga bout to kill all y’all and then have babies that arrest niggas in Starbucks for sitting blackishly years later! #ButterflyEffect #Gals

To the nonsmoking proletariat I say, calm down. This was never about you.

To the prude I say, get over yourself and maybe stop adopting cats.

To the politician I say, quite simply, VAT, my nigga.

Y’all already tief all the VAT money. Imagine the weed money y’all could steal to send your sweetheart to Miami for a boob job or 2

And to the all mighty Christians among us?

Beloved…..you can’t get to heaven if you scared to get high.

 

Stay(Highly)Woke

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