We’re always trying new things at 10YS.  Continuing in this trend, we’re going to test out doing a retro blog of WWE’s latest ppv, Battleground 2017. As a note, there will be commentary from my wife who asked to be referred to as Lil Ting.

8:08 pm – We are just wrapping up the video package for New Day vs Usos for the Smackdown Tag Team Championship and we have our first thoughts from Lil Ting – “Where they going with these crack dealer outfits. It looks like Captain America tryna clean up the streets.” She’s right though, The Usos hoodie and camo pants outfit is in sketchy territory and why is New Day still wearing USA gear, Independence been gone.

8:11 pm Lil Ting: “Which one of them gay?” she’s asking in reference to The New Day, who she is clearly confusing with Darren Young.  I’m not sure if that’s my fault, her fault or WWE’s fault.

8:12 pm It just dawns on me that Big E is not wrestling in this match, which makes me feel like a New Day loss is on the horizon.

8:14 pm Absolutely beautiful dropkick by Xavier Woods. Also, how do people know Jimmy and Jey apart?  Asking for a friend.

8:15 pm Nasty double powerbomb by the Usos to Kofi on the outside, followed by a sick European uppercut to Xavier. Recovery by Xavier into a move I cannot even explain for a near fall.

8:17 pm Double team pitch and catch Samoan drop on Xavier for another near fall.

8:18 pm Xavier Woods off of the top rope into a superkick from Jey for another near fall. Not sure how Woods kicked out. (Commentary told my friend that it was Jey who kicked Xavier)

8:19 pm Really strong showing by Woods in this match. Somehow survives an extra long time in a half Boston crab.

8:20 pm Hot tag to Kofi, double team move by New Day for a ridiculously near fall. This could well be the match of the night depending on how the rest of this card goes.

8:21 pm New Day looking really strong here as Kofi kicks out of the superkick/splash combo from the Usos.

8:22 pm Lil Ting clearly not here for WWE tonight as she drops her phone while… Trouble in Paradise into a modified Macho Man elbow drop, coast to coast style, for the win. Crowd was hot for this match basically the whole way through. No complaints here from me.

8:23 pm You’re winners and new Smackdown Tag Team Champions, The New Day.

8:26 pm Shinsuke vs Baron Corbin is next.  I’m hoping that  this means that Baron at the very least teases a cash in tonight.  I also hope that they actually let Nakamura finish his entrance. Speaking of which, this is a mighty short entrance tonight.

8:28 pm Lil Ting “What type ataxia is this? What the hell is going on here?” in reference to Nakamura’s entrance.  This might be a good time to mention my wife is a doctor.  “Alexis, what this is?” Lil Ting is now playing a YouTube video explaining the condition mentioned above. I am concerned as it actually looks a lot like Nakamura’s entrance.  Oh boy, this ga be rough.

8:30 pm As much as I like Nakamura, this match may be dinner break.  Lil Ting, “Why they have him walking in like that?”  I advise her that he been doing that since New Japan.  Even my wife knows that stupid gimmick stuff is a Vince staple. “He supposed to be like drunken master ay?”  Jesus, I dunno if I can keep this up.

8:32 pm Commentary already discussing the potential of a Corbin cash in due to the Punjabi Prison match to come later.  Lil Ting is now watching drunken master clips on YouTube and is convinced that this is Nakamura.

8:35 pm We are watching the prototypical MITB briefcase holder being made to look strong before an inevitable loss match right now. Crowd chanting Corbin sucks.  Corbin replies, “I’m doing pretty good dummies.”  I can get behind that.

8:37 pm Nakamura battling back as my WWE Network freaks out just a little. Also, Corbin sporting that 2016 Shawn Michaels haircut. Commentary referring to Nakamura as WWE’s rock star, not sure I like this considering they’ve been treating him as just another guy since his Smackdown debut.

8:40 pm Devastating clothesline by Corbin followed up by some cookie cutter heeling, doing Nakamura’s pose. Nakamura regaining control. Kinshasa reversed into a Deep Six for a near fall by Corbin.

8:43 pm As Nakamura sets up for the Kinshasa again, I can’t help but laugh at Lil Ting’s drunken master reference.

8:44 pm Nakamura setting up for an exploder suplex, Corbin with a low blow resulting in a DQ victory by Nakamura. Corbin smiling makes me think he may be playing the save my energy for later card. Scratch that, Corbin back in the ring with a briefcase shot to Nakamura followed by an End of Days.

8:49 pm Fatal Five-Way Elimination match to determine the Number One Contender to the Smackdown Women’s Championship up next. Tamina, Charlotte, Becky, Lana, and Natalya. I see two potential winners for this match – Charlotte, leading to an eventual heel turn or Nattie.

8:51 pm Naomi out first to join commentary.  Sidebar: I am loving the glow being added to the title for Naomi. This is one of the best character-specific additions to a title in a long time. On another note, Lil Ting is now officially sleeping.  We’ll check back in with her later.

8:54 pm Interesting fact, Natalya has 38 pay per view matches, tying Trish Stratus for the most by a woman in WWE.  I imagine most of the Four Horsewomen will surpass that over the next few years.

8:57 pm Match is finally starting. Tamina looking strong early. Naomi burying Lana saying she doesn’t belong in the ring with her or any of the other women on Smackdown. LLana and Tamina with the double team on Charlotte.

8:59 pm Way too much screaming from Lana in this match thus far. Also, this match is starting off very slowly. Becky Lynch now in the ring. Double exploder suplexes on Lana and Tamina by Becky and Charlotte.  Lana and Tamina bail and now we have Charlotte vs Becky.

9:02 pm Now we have Becky vs Nattie.  Quick sequence featuring all of the ladies leads to Lana breaking up a sharpshooter from Nattie on Charlotte.  Failed pin attempt by Lana.  Tamina interrupting a Disarmer by Becky on Lana twice.  Becky landing a Disarmer on Tamina leading to an elimination.  Becky with another Disarmer on Lana leading to an elimination.  Roll-up by Nattie on Becky, grabbing the tights leading to Becky being eliminated.

9:06 pm Charlotte reverses an armbreaker from Nattie into a vicious powerbomb.  Charlotte is a beast.  Nattie blocks the moonsault by Charlotte. Nasty bump by Charlotte into the bottom turnbuckle.  Nattie with the pinfall for the win.  You’re new number on contender for the SDL Women’s Title, Natalya.

9:09 pm Naomi enters the ring to shake hands with her new challenger, but Natalya refuses to shake her hand and leaves.

9:12 pm KO vs AJ Styles for the US Title up next.

9:14 pm Reason number 178 why I appreciate Kevin Owens, he does not walk over his face on the ramp during his entrance.  The attention to detail is so refreshing.

9:18 pm Match starts. Good back and forth to open the match. AJ vs KO will be so much better in a few months when it’s over the WWE title.

9:20 pm AJ doing a good job of matching KO move for move. AJ more or less in control at this point… right up until he misses a splash on KO on the outside followed by KO running AJ’s delicates into the ring post.  KO now solidly in control.

9:22 pm Good job by commentary in trying to talk up the prestige of the US Title. KO wearing AJ down with the headlock followed by KO screaming, “I can do this all night.”

9:25 pm AJ starting to battle back, misses with the spinning backhand, nasty DDT by KO for a near fall. KO back to the headlock.

9:27 pm AJ battling back, series of reversals leads to AJ hitting KO with the faceplant for a near fall. AJ attempts the Styles Clash, gets tossed into the top rope and eventually catches KO in the Fireman’s Carry neckbreaker. Springboard 450, countered by KO, near fall. KO follows-up with the cannon ball for another near fall. Lil Ting has stirred twice, but still sleeping.

9:30 pm KO and AJ battling on the top rope, ends with AJ putting KO in a torture rack into a fall away slam. AJ back to the top rope but gets hung up by KO. Series of counters ends with KO ducking out just before a Phenomenal Forearm and sweeping AJ’s legs with AJ dropping on his left shoulder.

9:33 pm KO targets the arm but leads to KO reversing the Styles Clash and tossing AJ into the referee. Superkick by KO. AJ reverses the pop up powerbomb into the calf crusher.  KO reverses into the Crippler Crossface – which the announcers fail to mention by name.  AJ reverses into his own crossface, KO reverses into a pinning combination for the 1-2-3.

9:36 pm You’re winner and new US Champion, Kevin Owens.

9:38 pm Jinder promo.

9:43 pm Cena vs Rusev up next.

9:46 pm Every time I see the Cena Rusev promo I laugh at Cena’s “good old-fashioned flag match” statement.  I swear this is one of the lamest gimmick matches ever created.

9:48 pm I find it entertaining that Cena no longer gets the Cena Sucks chants during his entrance anymore.  It seems like we are 100% in the Cena appreciation stage of his career.

9:49 pm Match starts.

9:53 pm Any match where the goal of the match is to “incapacitate your opponent so that you can grab something” is stupid – flag matches, kendo stick on a pole etc. Anyways, Rusev’s new look seems so much meaner – shorter hair with a thicker beard.

9:54 pm Climb, interrupt, back in the ring, fight, repeat. I promise you I won’t have anything good to say about this match until we get to the finish. Sidebar, there is nothing like perfectly seasoned chicken and macaroni while watching wrestling.

9:56 pm Good recovery by Rusev who fell down but got up quickly enough to drop Cena with a spinebuster.  Rusev tosses Cena out of the ring and starts to climb… interrupt… back in the ring… fight… wait, reversal of top rope leg drop into a power bomb.  Not clean, but not bad.

9:58 pm Rusev has the Bulgarian flag. Cena is down, but wait, dropkick from Cena.  Flag down, flag down.  Here comes the international incident.  AA by Cena. Cena struggling to the corner to retrieve his flag.

9:59 pm Cena reverses a top rope power bomb by Rusev into a roll through and the STF.  Rusev taps – which means nothing in a flag match. Cena gets the American flag but runs into a stiff kick from Rusev.

10:02 pm Rusev starting to march towards his flag post with flag in hand, interrupted by Cena. Cena gets the American flag and starts on the path to the entry way. Rusev with the steel steps to Cena’s face. Rusev grabs the American flag and once again begins his walk up the ramp but is interrupted by Cena. Cena runs Rusev’s face into the screen at the top of the stage.

10:04 pm Rusev catches Cena in midair off the flag stand and tosses him onto the stage.  Rusev now asking for his flag. Rusev now grabbing a table. Wake me up when this match is over.

10:11 pm Cena eventually puts Rusev through a table, grabs the American flag and plants it on the American podium for the win. JBL, “This could be John Cena’s greatest victory!” This is what is wrong with commentary.

10:14 pm Fashion Police.  Ascension tries to claim responsibility. Breezango gets attacked from behind. Dango gets pulled away.  Still no conclusion.  I was all in on this when I thought it was gonna be a newly heel American Alpha. I am at the point of not caring anymore.

10:17 pm Sami vs Mike Kanellis up next. This 80s ballad love song theme music for the Kanellis’ is awesome.

10:21 pm Sami is being wasted in this feud.  Oh, match starts. Sami in control thus far.

10:24 pm They run back the same Maria interference angle from this past week. Mike takes control.

10:26 pm I am entertained by the fact that commentary refers to Mike as “Maria’s husband”.  Nasty DDT by Sami. Sami goes for the corner exploder and Maria interferes again. Sami reverses Mike’s finisher, exploder suplex into the corner, Helluva kick for the win.

10:28 pm You’re winner, Sami Zayn.

10:30 pm Up next, WWE title match.  Jinder Mahal vs Randy Orton in a Punjabi Prison match.

10:37 pm “I hear voices…”

10:42 pm Match starts.

10:43 pm Who created a match that leads to the worst camera shots ever?  Who then said, let’s use this as a WWE title match stipulation?

10:44 pm Jinder calls for the first inner door.  Back and forth trying to escape the first part of the prison by both competitors but the 60 second time limit elapses and the first door is locked for the remainder of the match.

10:47 pm Jinder calls for the second door. Randy powerslams Jinder but is unable to get out of the first structure.  More back and forth and the second door is not shut for good as neither wrestler is able to escape.

10:49 pm If I am being fair, it is difficult to care about this match because neither Jinder nor Randy have been positioned particularly well during this feud and both their matches and Smackdown itself has suffered for it. Randy now turning on the viciousness.

10:52 pm Randy Orton calls for the third door.  Jinder intercepts and then attempts to escape to no avail. Once again neither man is able to get out and the third door is locked.

10:54 pm Orton with the powerslam followed by the hanging DDT.  Randy then calls for the fourth door. Randy sets up for the RKO but Mahal reverses.

10:55 pm Orton reverses Jinder’s finisher into an RKO.  The Singh brothers show up and pull Jinder out of the first structure. Orton catches up with Jinder on the second cage and they fight it out  until Mahal drops off the cage.  The Singh brothers interfere and prevent Randy from escaping.

10:58 pm Jinder Mahal begins to climb the outer cage again. Orton takes out the Singh brothers and intercepts Jinder again. After pulling Jinder down, Orton tosses him into the cage and then suplexes Singh 1. Singh 2 gets in the way and takes a few blows.  Jinder pulls out the Kendo sticks and puts a beating on Randy.

11:01 pm Orton gets his own Kendo stick and wails on Jinder. Orton now tries to climb the second cage.  Singh 2 slithers out of the cage and stops Orton from escaping.  Singh 2 gets punched off of the cage through the announce table. That looked like a pretty nasty bump.

11:03 pm Jinder starts to climb and catches up with Randy. They once again fight on the cage with Jinder dragging Orton back down inside the cage. Randy with a hanging DDT off the cage to the floor. Randy’s arm looks pretty beat up.

11:06 pm Randy with a chair taking it to Jinder and Singh 1. Randy then begins to climb the cage one more time.

11:09 pm And what in the hell, the Great Khali interferes. Four on one people.  Orton succumbs to “dat numbers game” and Jinder climbs the cage to escape and retain the WWE title.

11:10 pm Your winner and still WWE champion, Jinder Mahal.

What in the hell WWE, what in the ever loving hell was that?

Alex signing off.

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